I relapsed the other day; twice.
Someone had given me a razor blade the week before. I carved the word "help" into my wrist.
There was more blood than ever before.
I'm starting to cut deeper, and more often.
I don't know what to do.
I've been hospitalized twice before.
I really don't want to go back.
I hate everything about myself.
Help me figure out what to do ; please..
I almost committed suicide the other day..
I need advice. </3
Last edited by Palmolive; November 30th 2011 at 05:09 PM.
Reason: Removing prefix
I want to start by saying well done for coming here and posting in the forums and asking for our help. That is a really positive step in the right direction and is something to be proud of yourself for.
Can I ask why this someone gave you a razor blade? It doesn't sound very nice of them to give you this, I mean to me, I just I would never go around giving these out, whether I knew the person has had issues with self harm or not.
Well done for being self harm free, remember your relapse doesn't make you any less or a person or mean that you're not as strong as you thought you were. When self harmers enter recovery, it's expected for them to have relapses because that is just part of the recovery process. But the fact that you hurt yourself doesn't matter, it's all about picking yourself back up which as hard as it can be, you can do. Recovery is hard and you having a slip up doesn't mean you have wrecked your process because you haven't, you've still come along way to get this fair and be self harm free, hold on to that one my dear.
Do you every try distractions? I know sometimes it's annoying to hear people just say use distractions and I know it's frustrating at times because we often think why would I use a distraction technique to stop me from hurting myself when I want to hurt myself because I know that when you're in that moment and all you can think about is self harming, it feels like its never going to stop and that its the only thing which is going to help you feel a bit better but it's not. Which is why when you're in those moments, you need ti fight harder than you ever have done with anything. Do anything to stop yourself from hurting you. Even if that is screaming into a pillow for hours on end, crying until you can't do anymore, reading until you feel to sleep with out even knowing it. Do what ever it takes, to keep yourself safe, even if in that moments, its making you more anxious and agitated.
I am wondering if there is a trigger for you. Whether you've been diagnosed with a mental illness, whether you've been through a traumatic experience etc which is making you feel low and triggering these urges. If there is anything and you want to talk to us about it then you are more than welcome to do so. We'll try and help you as much as we can.
I know that experiencing suicidal thoughts is something which is incredibly difficult to deal with. But I want you to know that you can beat all of this, that you're ultimately in control of your own actions, the thoughts aren't. So no matter how hard those thoughts are and how strong they get, you don't have to act on them and that is going to be hard work and it's going to be tiring and its going to take time, but you can beat it and it can and will get better. You have your whole life ahead of you and the world is at your feet. Set yourself goals and aim high because you can and will reach them if you set your mind to it. Life is so precious and so are you, don't throw that away.
I hope this helps. Keep yourself safe, you can do this.
hi sweetie trust me i know how you feel there isn't a day that goes by that i don't want to hurt my self because i feel like a failure i was medicall discharged from the army before ever leaving for basic and i'm still not in collage. but always remember this no matter who tells you other wise you are loved by many poeple, i don't know your situation but hunny belive me when i say i've been through quit a bit one thing i would sugest is finding a church in your area let them become apart of your life, also when you feel the urge to cut call someone finding someone to talk to will take your mind of things i know it seems like its not worth is but your here for a reason find it and persue it.