I Just Dont know anymore

[StargazingDragon]

I sue to be an A++ student. Used to cry when I forgot my homework and when people fought. I used to draw pretty little medows of flowers. Now I'm failing classes and writting poems about heartbreak and tears. used to be so happy now I an barely remember te feeling. I've been cutting for about 3 years now. Longest i've gone without is about a month in a half durring the summer. I've been to two counslers but i havent been able to trust them. I'm great with helping and healing others yet I cannot find a cure for myself. I... don't trust anybody anymore. I'm not pretty, I hate humor and my favorite colors are black and maroon. My favorite color used to be pink. I used to love christmas... now I could care less except it means relieve of school for two lonley weeks. I miss being happy. The depression didn't hit me untill i was in 5th grade which seems forever ago. Two years after I started to cut. I've been burning myself since I was a little girl. I hate feeling so lonely and like I cannot trust anyone but I don't know anything but that very feeling anymore. I just don't know what to do...

[John Osborne]

Originally Posted by StargazingDragon

I sue to be an A++ student. Used to cry when I forgot my homework and when people fought. I used to draw pretty little medows of flowers. Now I'm failing classes and writting poems about heartbreak and tears. used to be so happy now I an barely remember te feeling. I've been cutting for about 3 years now. Longest i've gone without is about a month in a half durring the summer. I've been to two counslers but i havent been able to trust them. I'm great with helping and healing others yet I cannot find a cure for myself. I... don't trust anybody anymore. I'm not pretty, I hate humor and my favorite colors are black and maroon. My favorite color used to be pink. I used to love christmas... now I could care less except it means relieve of school for two lonley weeks. I miss being happy. The depression didn't hit me untill i was in 5th grade which seems forever ago. Two years after I started to cut. I've been burning myself since I was a little girl. I hate feeling so lonely and like I cannot trust anyone but I don't know anything but that very feeling anymore. I just don't know what to do...

The thing is this story isn't as uncommon as you'd think. Most people that go through depression are EXTREAMLY bright and intellegent people but somehow they begin to just not care anymore about school or anything in general.

I advise you to seek medical treatment and do not make any rash decisions. I gessing by counseler you are talking about a school counseler who in all truth is probably not trained very well in how to help you.

I know you are probably thinking this is just some guy on the internet who has no idea what he is talking about. I went through depression for 6 years of my life, self harmed, attempted suicide, and went to a psychiatric hospital so don't feel like I am just trying to shooting sunshine up your ass.

You WILL get through this, I promise, no matter how impossible it may seem.