Triggering (SH): Pretty upset with myself. :(

[bayhorse321]

Wow... I went almost a full month this time without cutting. My mom finally let me get a cat because I was home alone every night besides like 2 nights a week. I would get upset at things especially my mom and sisters, they have so much impact on my emotional stress... I was able to stop myself from cutting though because I had my cat and I could text or call my boyfriend. A few nights ago it just wasn't enough. I find though that I couldn't do it in front of my cat. I had to put him out of my room. How weird is that?? Well the next night my mom was no better. She screamed at me for hours about how worthless I am and blah blah blah. I couldn't take it. I cried for ever and I cut my arm but it didn't stop bleeding so I taped tissue to it and it stopped eventually. My mom heard the tape and screamed at me to open my door. She forced it open of course but I just made it seem like I was playing with my cat. I don't know how someone can have two parents who could care less. Thought it was just my dad but surprise... I'm incapable of love way to go shana.

[Chuckles]

If things at home are that bad then perhaps you should contact NSPCC or other child care services. I can't morally tell you to stop cutting (as I do it myself) but perhaps you should try some alternatives such as drawing on yourself with a red marker pen instead of cutting. Also, as you said it's stemming from emotional stress why not try some alternative ways of relieving said stress? Some people express themselves in creative writing and/or poetry, while others turn to drawings and crafts. Personally I turned to exercise when I used to cut a few years back and it really helped, whenever I got angry or stressed to the point I reached for my knife I just picked up my weights instead or went jogging/running/cycling. It's a good method because you can express your emotions into physical activity. If none of them suit you you could also try a more destructive approach towards releasing your emotions: grind/squeezing stress balls or tearing up old, unwanted clothes could help.
I do want to give one other alternative, though it may sound strange. As you are willing to express yourself on here why not try talking to your cat about how you're feeling? Just having something close to you that listens to your problems can help a lot. I hope some of this advice helps.

[bayhorse321]

I do all of the alternatives or have done the ones you have mentioned here. I actually only talk to my cat. I try to confide in someone close to me but that person just doesn't understand and I can't help them to understand or help me.

[Chuckles]

Feel free to talk to me if you want.

[bayhorse321]

Thanks. I just wish I could idk talk to a professional but I cant

[Chuckles]

Why not?
And if you can't get to a professional why not try an organisation like the Samaritans instead?

[bayhorse321]

What is that?

[Chuckles]

Organisations like the Samaritans are full of volunteers that provide free counselling to those in need. They can do it in person, by phone, e-mail and some do web chat. But a large positive to it is that it is confidential and you can keep it anonymous if you want. I personally e-mail the Samaritans on nearly a daily basis because they can help (but keep in mind that particular organisation specialises more towards suicidal cases.) You can find other organisations like them on google really easily by searching for things like 'Help with self harm' or other keywords like those.

[bayhorse321]

Uhm okay. I guess I could try and look into it. Thanks.

[StargazingDragon]

My parents are similar. Dad was abused so he doesn't hang out he works and thats what he mostly does. My mom is a hyprocrite with no friends and doesn't seem to actually care about me. She just wants a perfect family to make herself feel better. She cried when I got my first F but when the counselor told her I was cutting she just laughed. I feel I mostly cut because of the many fights I get into with my parents. I heve a cat too. At first I couldn't cut in front of him but after a while i cared less and less. I tried to drown myself one day but found I just couldn't leave him alone with my family. I love him too much and he needs me. I figure when his time comes mine will soon follow. Wish I could say something that would make anybody reading this feel better.

[bayhorse321]

I know exactly how you feel. I can't leave my cat or horse. I feel that people will move on but I know my horse wouldn't. You should have seen her when I was away for a couple of weeks... Totally not my destiny at all. She went crazy. She's good now though. I just couldn't leave them so yeah same as you.