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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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I'm not feeling great about this comment - December 7th 2011, 04:30 AM

I'm really nervous because this is my first post, but I really just want someone that would be willing to listen because I have no one else.

Earlier today I had my first really deep conversation with my mother. I've been planning on telling her about my self harm and thought this would be the perfect opportunity. Before I even get the chance to bring it up, though, she says "Just don't do something stupid like cut yourself." I was horrified at this comment. My stomach just dropped and it made me feel terrible and plain stupid.

I thought my mom was the understanding type. I always have been pretty open with her because she is usually so accepting, but not this one time. I feel worse than I did before talking to her. Telling her about my self harm has been scratched off the list of things to tell her.

I'm going back to the doctors soon to discuss my medications and I was thinking about telling my doctor instead. What do you think?
   
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Re: I'm not feeling great about this comment - December 7th 2011, 05:07 AM

First off, it was courageous of you to post about your problems and ask for help, so kudos
I'm sorry about your mom though the same thing happened with my mom a few years ago. i wanted to kill myself (but thankfully i never did) and then once she was going on about how selfish and thoughtless it was to commit suicide, and another time she went on about how it was my dad's own fault that he was depressed. it totally shocked me and now I can't say anything to her because i'm scared of how she'll judge me, because she's not as understanding as i used to think, so i completely understand what you're saying.
I think it's great that you want to talk to your doctor though--just because you don't have the best relationship with your mom doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to get help. you deserve to be feel better and be happy, and so i think you should definitely tell your doctor what's going on. You might want to mention why you self harm, too, if you know, because knowing the root cause can help a lot.
Good luck, and hang in there!
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Re: I'm not feeling great about this comment - December 7th 2011, 12:49 PM

You should surely tell someone.
I know what it's like to not be able to talk to any one about it. I cut, and I literally can't tell anyone about it.
I hope your doctor helps you out.
   
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Re: I'm not feeling great about this comment - December 7th 2011, 09:37 PM

Thanks you two. I really wanted to tell her because I only started self-harming two or so months ago and reading all the comments on this site helped me to realize that I need to get help soon before it turns into an addiction. After what she said, I just don't know. The last thing I want is for her to think I'm dumb or that I'm a let down. Her opinion means a lot to me.
   
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Re: I'm not feeling great about this comment - December 7th 2011, 09:57 PM

Hey there :-)

I am really sorry about what your mum said to you. I think it's great that you tend to have quite a close relationship with her and that you do want to talk to her and get help for your self harming. I feel confident in saying that your mum probably didn't mean it the way it came across. Maybe still think about telling her? I know once when I self harmed badly and I needed to get to a&e me mum told called my a stupid girl but she didn't mean it in that way, I think it just hurt her to see what I had done to be and that just happened to be her reaction. She might help you. However, if you now don't feel comfortable telling her then I can understand that and then maybe telling your doctor is the best thing to do. People care about you, they can help you so don't be afraid to let them in.

I just wanted you to know that if you ever want to talk about anything you can always shoot me a PM. You're worth more than self harm, keep fighting through this.

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Re: I'm not feeling great about this comment - December 7th 2011, 10:11 PM

You're welcome
And you should tell her exactly what you just told us, that you're afraid of what she'll think about you, but that you want to tell her because you value her opinion. She might be more understanding then if she realizes that you're in pain and that you're struggling just trying to figure out what to do.

Also, I know you care about your mom's opinion of yourself (and trust me, i do too), but here's some advice that my mom always tells me (that i really need to start listening to):
Don't make decisions based on what other people will think, because you are the one who has to live with those decisions. So, make your decisions based on what you can live with.
If you think you should tell your mom because it will help you (regardless of what her opinion may be), then do it. You're much braver than I am for asking for help on this, and I believe that you can tell her if you really want to.
Good luck with whatever your decision is, and let us know what happens!


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
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Re: I'm not feeling great about this comment - December 8th 2011, 01:49 AM

I really appreciate all of your advice.

Jessie- You're probably right. It was probably just the first initial reaction she had.

Sunsets- Thank you so much for that. I like that quote. I will need to remember than one!

Today my dad came into my room and sat down on my bed and said "What is going on with you lately? Mom and I are concerned.." etc... It really caught me off guard. I didn't give him a lot of details about how I'm feeling because I didn't want to have a break down, but I was amazed at how noticeably different I am acting. I didn't realize it at all. I feel like I should have told him more, but I was so caught off guard. I need a lot of preparing before I can do something like that.
   
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Re: I'm not feeling great about this comment - December 8th 2011, 02:55 AM

No problem, glad I could help!
The exact same thing happened with my aunt and uncle, and when I finally got up the courage to tell them what was going on, they were more helpful than I imagined they would be, and really understanding. You should think about what you want to say and prepare yourself to talk to your dad, definitely, and your mom if you want to, but definitely go back and talk to them soon. They obviously care about you and want to help you, and you never know, they might surprise you with how understanding they really can be.
If you want to practice what you're going to say, you can try talking to your stuffed animals (I know it sounds stupid, but it helps just to say the words out loud), or to a friend, or you could even type it to us in this post or a PM or something. We're here to help you, too!


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to or just want to chat (:
http://liveforthememories.tumblr.com/
   
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