why bother?

[chocoluver2]

I'm fed up off this. Fed up of pretending, and fed up of fighting, i mean, as the title says why bother? People keep tearing me down, teachers never seem to listen to my side of the story, and I'm just fed up of life all together.

My IT teacher just sent me out of the room when I accidently clicked this link thingy whilst he was talking then my screen froze so he thought I wasn't listening. I so wanted to cut then, but since I was in public view I had to make do with scratching, then I had to be in a group with a girl i'll call Annie. Lets put it this way... although I didn't use a compass, i have more scars they I have ever had from that one day. oh and have i mentioned how I got sent out of the room for THAT, when some boys in my class keep being disrespectful?

Ok, at school today some guy pulled down another guys pants, and accidently pulled the boxers down too. The guy who got pansted quickly pulled his pants up but this girl- whom i'll call Josie- saw his ass. Then Josie (btw, that's not her real name) told on the guy who pantsted the other guy to our form teacher. I told her she shouldn't have said it in front of everyone as yeah, the teacher should know, but josie didn't need to say it in front of everyone in the class... anyway, she started arguing with me, and of course I argued back, of course, she started crying and of course my stupid effing form tutor took her side. (there's a reason why i hate my form tutor so much). He told me off, I said it wasn't fair that he was only listening to her side of the story and not listening to mine, he didn't care so I really wanted to tell him to go to hell, and f*ck off cos of the amount of pain he caused me and how much he ruined my life. Anyway... afterwards I told Josie I was sorry, as I did feel bad for saying things to her- yes, I admit i was in the wrong, but my form tutor blamed it all on me.

We had this assembly thing and I was so pissed at the head of pastoral. This is what she said: "there's more to life than ruining other people's lives". I was so angry and the hipocrosy of the teachers as my form teacher absolutely destroyed what I had worked so hard for. This is what my form tutor said in october "Sheers (my name), to cut yourself with". The "to cut yourself" was the three words which hurt me the most. 2 of my friends know about my, issue, one guessed, the other I told since the other person was getting suspicious, and they understood that it wasn't because of today I was crying so hard, it was because of everything.

At drama Josie, was being Josie. She was biting her thumb so of course I was concerened since biting was what happned to me before cutting. Then she started pinching in drama- i wasn't in her group so i couldn't really do anything at the time. Then, after drama she showed me her arm, "look what you made me do, you should apologize!" she said. I just ignored her which might have been wrong. is it wrong that I lost all my smpathy for her by that comment?

I'm just so confused, so tired of life, so tired of trying not to cut when people tear me down way too many times. When I feel angry at myself and disgusted that I think Josie was doing it for attention, it's not fair on her, but... urgh, i feel guilty if i was the one who started the viscious SH cycle. I want to cut so bad!!! But... I've cut so many times this week, worst than i've ever done, i just want someone to be out there for me.

someone, please, answer my questions, sorry this is long, but, i'm just so confused.

[SoraKat]

Hey, there is a large reason why you should "bother"

people are stupid and judgmental. Prove them wrong. Show these people that you are better than they are... by proving that you are STRONG. cause you are...

josie... i feel sorry for her... but it was wrong of her to say that to your face....

people have been like this to me too.. what worked for me was being insanely nice, and showing them love even if i felt hatred. Soon enough i was able to let go of the hate, and they stopped being such jerks...


I really reallly hope things work out, but please dont lose hope. Keep working on fighting this... and i know you can do it

[BlaineG.]

Hello,

I am sorry that this such a hard thing for you. All teacher, staff and faculty should be professional when talking to a student. You DO have options on how to deal with this problem within your school. If you can't come a quickly problem solution you DO have other options. I am in the US so I can only speak for the law in the US

You could call the United States Department of Elementary and Secondary Education. This covers Public Schools, Private Schools, Colleges owned and operated under the state where you live. (Private Colleges are NOT covered) You have option to choose from if you are in the US I would recommend that you the U.S. Department of Elementary and Secondary Education because they can tell you what to do to resolve this issue.

Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk or need the number for the Dept. Of ED


Take Care,

AbusedandIgnored

[chocoluver2]

thank you for the encouragement I am trying to fight, but... I don't know, it's like, it's ok for people to say hurtful things, so long as it's a 'joke'. My friends are helping, well, trying to, but they don't really understand. 1 of them thinks it's as simple as just stopping... which isn't exactly true, and I don't want to put the 2nd one into an awkward position as she's best friends with "josie".

I don't live in USA... and I don't know who to tell. I doubt my teacher even remembers the sheer incident, it was for DT, something about SCUMPS... my DT teacher is my form tutor, which kinda stinks, if only I was in Year 10 and could give up the class...

it's kinda hypocritical for teachers to nag us to be careful what we say and to stop hurting everyone else when they are the ones causing most of the trouble...

[BlaineG.]

Hi There,

Some people don't understand why its hard to stop cutting. Its not there fault they may just not understand. People can be mean the important thing is to make sure that YOU are okay and that you don't hurt yourself becauxe of the them.

Feel Free to PM if you need to talk.


Good Luck,

AbusedandIgnored