Miss cutting so much right now...

[bitesize]

I stopped cutting in February 09 but I miss it so much. Especially right now. I feel really crap, really lonely and I'm drifting away from all my friends.....have an exam tomorrow morning that I can't study for because I'm feeling low and I'm scared of the future. I'm planning my 21st birthday party for next week and I have this irrational fear that no one will come. I don't think any of my friends are free to hang out on the afternoon of my birthday and I'm terrified I'll depressed if I'm doing nothing. I need more money over the next couple of weeks than I actually have.

The three-years-ago me would have cut by now and would be feeling better...I don't think I actually will do it but I want to so badly.

[*Lucy*]

I do too....but we have to stay strong cause in the long run it's the right choice and u will regret it if u cut now...everything will turn out fine i'm sure...

[Palmolive]

Hi there.

I don't honestly have an awful lot to say, I just wanted to send some love you way. You've done so incredibly well and you should be really proud of yourself for how far you have come. Perhaps after your exam tomorrow, you could treat yourself. Go shopping and buy something nice, meet a friend for a coffee, go home and get a bubble bath with candles, snuggle up with a blanket in your pjs and read a good book with some hot choccy. Just remind yourself you're worth it, you are worth this and reward yourself for doing so well. I know it's hard but you can get through these urges.

I hope you're okay. Look after yourself.
Jessie x

[Squiggly]

I know how you feel I am the same age as you and I stopped sh around the same time as you. I have been under a fair amount of stress lately and I sometimes think about it and miss it also. Sometimes it can be very tempting but I am still proud that I have stopped and I know that if I start again I will regret it. At times like this just remind yourself of the reason why you stopped

[Storyteller.]

Hey.

It's perfectly natural to miss it, especially after so long. Urges never completely go away, but you can learn to overcome them - as I'm sure you know. Now is no exception. Just keep fighting, like you've been fighting this whole time.

If you feel like you're drifting away from your friends, fix it, instead of taking it out on yourself. Organise something with them. Spend time with them, and get closer to them, so you won't feel as lonely. As for being unable to study, try to take some time out now to relax. Have a bubble bath, go for a walk, read a book. Try to take your mind off things, so you can feel better and then focus on studying.

You put your finger on something important - your irrational fear. You know, logically, that people will come to your birthday party. Just try to have faith that they will. They care about you, and will want to spend time with you. If you think you're going to be depressed if you're not doing anything, then do something. It's okay to do things by yourself sometimes - so watch your favourite movie, or go buy yourself something nice. You deserve to have a little fun.

Remember that there's a difference between thoughts and actions. You want to hurt yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to. You can get through this without it, and feel better for it. Think of how far you've come. You should feel proud; you've come a long way.

Take care, and stay safe.

[Dedalus]

I hope your exam goes well, I'm sure it well.

You know, you're a very strong and kind person. I can imagine there's a lot of people who look up to you, and even me reading this, I find it hard to believe that you fall into places like this. Don't cut, you're a pretty girl and there's no need to ruin what God gave you no matter how bad you feel. And I think you must realise too that you end up in slumps like this sometimes, but that you consistently pull yourself through it - and you always do without fail. It'll get better and you'll look back later thinking you were silly for thinking no-one would come to your birthday party.

I don't think you give people enough credit for avoiding catastrophes like that. You'll organise it, you'll let the word out and people will say they can't go if they can't go and if it needs to be the case you can arrange it for another day then that suits better. And you'll have money, you'll scrape through. Its Christmas Day shortly and I'll imagine you'll get money - and even if you don't I d don't think it would be outrageous to ask your parents for a small advance of money before your birthday considering that it is the end of exams and you'll miss out on social events.

You're such a lovely person and you shouldn't make yourself feel like this. I hope you're feeling better when you're reading this.

[TWLOHA_Bby]

i know....believe me im struggling with the same thing right now. cause.....i really wanna and im going on my third month of SI free. and its getting harder and harder and i honestly don't realize how its so bad. its a mark then it goes away....

[bitesize]

Thanks so much for the replies guys, they really helped. (Sorry for the late response, busy couple of days.) I did feel better eventually, like I knew I would, but sometimes when I'm feeling like that it's so hard to remember that and stay positive, so reading these meant a lot.x

[Storyteller.]

I'm glad you're feeling better.