Triggering (SH): Confused

[kyliegurl]

I have cut myself since I was 14. My cutting is very well known by my health care team and partially because of it I am known as a 'frequent flier' at the hospital. My dad flips out each time he has caught me doing it, calling the police to take me to the hospital. The hospital is to the point with me that they really don't want to deal with me, so they look at the injuries, deal with them if need be, then I talk to a mental health worker who always sends me back home in the end. My cutting is never really deep and rarely needs actual medical treatment and is always where it won't been seen under cloths or my bathing suit (I am a synchronized swimmer), except my wrists. I have this thing about cutting negative words about myself.

I have been open about my cutting, since I got caught doing it, to my psychiatrist about it and she told me last week that it is okay to cut, where everyone else tells me it is bad, there is my confusion. I was told as long as I had medical supplies on hand I could deal with it myself at home. She said it was the lesser of two options, the other worry is my suicidal tendencies-just last week I attempted again. My psychiatrist said it is a coping mechanism that prevents things from getting worse. I have Bipolar Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which obviously complicates things a bit.

I want to stop because I hate the scars, and I know that deep down it really doesn't help me, but at the same time I don't want to loose the feelings I get. What kind of stuff works that I can do and replaces the SH all together. I always feel so ready to explode before I cut and feel a huge release when I do it. SH is still a big part of me making it through the day or week. I really don't know what to do about it any more. I am scared that one day I will take things too far and do something I didn't mean to do. No one in my life has come up with better options than SH.

[Christian_girl_4ever]

I don't know anything that gives you the same feeling altogether but one thing that you could try that i've tried is using whatever i'm self-harming with and cutting up an old phone book or a book in general.