Triggering (SH): Skin grafts.

[Palmolive]

Hi.

So this feels a little awkward to be posting in this forum, but we'll see how it goes.

I saw my primary mental health worker earlier on and I think, as encouragment to help me stop self harming, she reminded about the offer I had had from my GP to recieve treatment for a skin graft for my scars. And I don't know, I don't know where I am with my self harm. It's a lot worse than she knows, I think. I mean I'm doing it every other day and I'm scared I'm going deeper again but sometimes when I have urges, I get to a point where I think well I already have hudnreds of scars down my arms so, these few more cuts won't hurt. Truth be told I hate my arms. I have so so many scars and they're deep and I hate the way the look and I hate how I can never, get to wear short sleeves or go swimming. And this was offererd to me and I know I would have to stop self harming before it ever even got spoken about with my doctor again. They're not going to go ahead inless I am self harm free and I assume that means me being several months self harm free or more.

Really, I was wondering if anyone had had skin grafts? Doesn't it just leave more scars or something I don't know. I don't even know what I want out of this, I just, I guess. I don't know. I'm really struggling and it seems stupid for me to post here when I reply to posts in here every day, but I do take my own advice. I distract and distract until I just give up because there's nothing more I want right now and maybe self harm is part of my survival. Maybe in a way, it's stopping me from acting on my suicidal thoughts. I don't know. I just feel so low that I do the only think I know that really makes me feel better in that moment, which is cutting myself. I fantasize about dragging the blade through my skin, just to feel my skin being sliced open and I don't want to get back how bad it was this time last year but I don't know what else to do. I don't know what to do.

Okay, this is going from one thing to another, I'm going to stop there. Any help and any of the above will be appreciated.

Thankyou.

[Alergnon]

Hello,
I totally understand what your saying about cutting. The skin graph I'm unsure of. Now back to the self harm part. I still and don't still cut myself. It's complex. Well, from experience I've been cutting for four years now and I'm starting back up because of everything.

Okay to get the the point; how I stopped was I went to another addictive behavior something unhealthy then I stopped doing that and went to something else, didn't last that long. I went months without cutting and then I 'slipped' up but then I stopped. Someone told me a counselor on the phone that they had gotten a caller who drew hearts on her arm every time she wanted to cut, help her remind that people love her and that is how she had stopped. Is there anything like that you could do?

I know from me, scars mean a thousand words to me. For me I thought placing them on my body was going to help me. My scars weren't big or that deep, scars just left the surface of my arms but if you look close they're still there.

Worst thing you can do is not enjoy yourself because of your arms. Enjoy yourself. It has helped me stop cutting. Go out with friends. Draw, colour or write it helps. If your doing all of those things that is good keep doing that and don't give up.

Hey if you ever need someone to talk to about it, you can always send me a private message or chat with me.

Have a really good day today