I Cannot Stop.

[Intoxication]

Well, title explains it all. I have officially set 2012 up to be the worst damn year ever. I made it two and a half days into the new year without cutting, and, well, that isn't a big accomplishment in my eyes, really. I don't wanna stop. I mean, I do, but I don't. I wanna stop because the best young man who ever came into my life (and swept me off my feet and charmed me ) broke up with me because he found the habit unattractive. I also am hurting my friends much more than they ever deserved in their whole lifetime, or ever will deserve. But I DON'T wanna stop because I deserve to be hurt, I deserve the pain, and I have no other outlet. The razor's never gonna leave me - ever. It'll always be my friend, and... I just don't have the strength to quit. And if I don't have the strength to quit for the people I love, where is my purpose in life? Do I even have one? I'm just... it's a horrible feeling. I can't stop giving in. I just can't do it. I've never had the ability. I've moved onto other ways of self harming, too, and I've found that they're easier to conceal and keep secretive. I'm considering just letting it kill me because I'll be doing everyone in the world a favor...

Please help.

[Let's kill tonight.]

It sounds to me the only way you're going to be able to go about this sorting out your reasons for cutting. You said you feel like you deserve it, but I don't think anybody ever deserves to hurt themselves like that. So if you look at why you think you deserve it, work around those issues, and try and realise you do nottttt deserve it. This young man you mentioned, obviously thought of you as a beautiful and amazing person to have liked you, therefore another reason showing you that you don't need to do it. Also, two and a half days, is a lot! Especially if this habit is addictive and the only outlet for you. Even going one day can be amazingly hard, you should be proud of that, and keep trying. You've obviously started addressing the issue if you managed to post this, so you now you need to stop. Please take care x

[Palmolive]

Hi there.

I am really sorry things are so rough for you right now. I know how hard besting and overcoming self harm can be.

You can stop self harming but at the end of the day, that is in your control. You are responsible for you actions, you're the one deciding to hurt yourself and you have to be the one to stop yourself because no one else can stop you for you. I know that can be hard but I also know you can beat it because it is possible. unfortunately it's not uncommon for someone to self harm, but people have beaten it and people will carry on to beat it. It doesn't control you, you control it.

I don't know why you think you deserve the pain you are inflicting upon yourself, but my friend, I will tell you this. No one in the world, deserves to feel this kind of pain. No mum who abused their children, no man who killed another human, no child who got taken in to care, no one, absolutely no one deserves to suffer the pain of self harm. You're scaring yourself, I don't mind physically, I mean emotionally. I think you are emotionally abusing yourself and you saying you deserve this over and over again, is going to make you believe it which is why I am now telling you that you don't and never will deserve the pain of self harm. I don't know what you feel you have done wrong, but we all do bad things, big and small, it doesn't make us deserve to hurt ourselves. I know it;s a form of self punishment, but what ever has happened is in the past and sooner or later you're going to have to start working through what has happened to you or happened around you and change the you think and the way you see the situation.

Do you have any help and support? I feel sure I'm right in saying this isn't a new thing because I'm sure I have seen you post similar things in the past and due to in being on going, I think you have support could be really good for you. I think CBT might help you too, so maybe you can look in to this?

I just want to know that you're worth so much more and you don't deserve it in any way. You are stronger than this, even though that is hard to believe right now and you can, beat it and get through it. You honestly can.

Keep yourself safe,
Jessie

[Intoxication]

I don't have any support... when I attempted suicide I had a handful of people who didn't give me the cold shoulder or insult me. I need to go back to inpatient... or... I may cut myself for the last time.
How do you tell your parents you're not safe from yourself?

[Cabron]

You need to tell them flat out. Don't beat around the bush, don't back out at the last minute. Tell them in simple and plain language that you feel suicidal and you need professional help. If they don't listen to you, keep telling people until someone does hear you. You do matter and this is an extremely important issue, even if you don't feel that way. They may react completely differently than you'd expect, so don't get frustrated. You're going to be okay.

[Intoxication]

It's not that simple with my parents. She'll think I'm just doing it to spite her, or that I'm doing it for attention.