I Just Can't Quit

[lilmissdontwannabehere]

I need to start off with the fact that I started and quit cutting for the first time right as seventh grade ended. I kept the same pattern all through eighth grade adn now im half way through freshman year and i still can't quit. I'm sorry if I just start to vent a little and it gets confusing.

I have a lot of stuff at home that leads me to struggle. Verbally abusive parents who leave my brother and I home to babysit for a couple hours almost everyday, then get mad when we try to spend some time alone in our rooms. They don't believe in counselors or teen depression so you can imagine what happened when I tryed to talk about it. My mom chewed me out for comming out to her that I'm bi, because she "doesnt believe in bi just that girls who say they are dont know what they want and are to young to anyways" when if any of my friends say they are she pulls the " I won't judge you for anything, I"ll just give you advice" When we try to talk about anything important with her (my dad is a trucker and on the road a lot, adn when he is home we can't talk to him about stuff anyways) she judges us like she's God. THey think I'm a slut and my dad has even asked my mom behind my back what corner I'm working on when everyone else has said I dont look and/or act like one. We just cant get good enough grades for them and when we mention our dreams they just try to hold us back. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm loosing a lost battle.I can't stop myself and when I finally do cut I feel even worse. I still even feel suicidal at times. My brother almost attempted. He was standing on a pile of his textbooks with his neck in the noose. He thought about me, our younger sisters, his gf and a few friends at school. He thought about how much it would hurt them and he started to get down and try to keep going. He accidently tripped and almost did kill himself. I'm the only person he told, and he told everyone else that his collar got caught.I"m also the only one who knows he used to cut also, and one of the few who knows he started taking dregs of cigarettes and is having serious troubles not starting again. He and I try to help eachother but where just not able to anymore. He is only a few months older, were in the same grade, but knowing my big brother can't handle it makes it even harder than it used to be. Can anyone really help?

p.s. I can't talk to my teachers or anything like that, we'll probably get taken away because of a couple incidents of my dad getting a knife and threatening to cut of my sisters fingers if she steals anything again?

[Amberpamber]

Hey Lexie i'm sorry you've gone through all that. If you ever wanna chat fee free to pm me.

[caffeineislife]

im sorry i went/going thow something simer if you ever want to talk im here a lot
im with a nother famly now but i still dell with them
i fell for you

[lilmissdontwannabehere]

Thanks I'll remember you guys, same to you