Triggering (SH): My little bit of progress is gone

[kyliegurl]

I have been cutting since I was 14, so for about three years. My psychiatrist, therapist and dad know all about it. My psychiatrist said it is okay for now because it is a coping mechanism. I am told to make little steps and went a month without doing any self harm.

Last night everything fell apart. I got really overwhelmed by the fact, although it should not be my worry but my dads, that our furnace quit working a week and a half ago (And it is -25 C here right now) and our van broke down a couple of days ago and we can't afford to fix either of them, we barely are making it though each month as is. I was also stressed about my school and university work, in total I am taking 4 high school classes and 3 university classes, not that I want to give up yet on either I can get a pattern going to get though the work successfully, a part of my going to university was to fill up my evenings with stuff to do to prevent SH or other issues from happening. One good thing is me and my best friend made up last week

But last night I was ready to explode, and I guess in some ways I did. I threatened to overdose, but stopped that thought by cutting, which calmed me down and allowed me to go and work on my homework. I was unaware that my dad had called 911, although I was calm 5 paramedics came into my room and I didn't want any part of it. One of the paramedics said I was being disrespectful because I wouldn't look at him I tried to keep working on my homework or staring at my feet. The worst thing that happened is I became so upset with all these people in my space in my room that I cut myself in front of the paramedics, which resulted in the police being called.

I was taken to the hospital by ambulance and had a police officer guarding the room I was in, a room that was quite gross with urine on the floor dirty sheets it was like a jail cell, a doctor came and talked to me for like 3 minutes and decided I should just go home and sleep. I felt as if I was being treated like a lesser person because I have a mental illness.

I feel really bad today about this, I wish I could hold it in and not get everyone at home and the police paramedics and the hospital people involved in my life. 30 days of no SH was a HUGE milestone for me, I feel as if I let everyone down, especially myself. I just needed to feel a release from all the pressure inside of me, now I feel worse and like I have failed.

[Childish Giggle]

Hey Kylie,
A month without SH is great! Its a BIG achievement. Congratulations!
Don't feel bad about what happened. Part of the recovery from Self Harm is these slips. No one expects you do recover without any slips. Because once you do SH, then whenever things go wrong or become overwhelming, you feel like going back to it for solace, and sometimes when we are not able to control ourselves, we make the slips. But its okay. Whats important is that once the slip is made, we get back on our feet. Set a goal again. If possible for a longer time. You can go for 1.5 months this time. Take one step at a time. Set small goals. And don't be disheartened when you slip. Get back on your feet and start again.
Stay strong <3
I am here if you want to talk

P.S. here's a list of alternatives which you can use when you feel the need to SH. every alternative may not work for you. You have to find the right one through trial and error [/quote]

[blumemusik♫]

Like Pisces said, a month is amazing. You need to make little steps, so make your next goal 1 and a half months. Relapses happen, but the best thing you can do is to just carry on like it never happened. Don't beat yourself up or punish yourself over it, just start again and see how long you can make it

I hope things get better for you, I'm here if you ever need to talk <3

[Whisperingwillow]

A month really is fantastic. I know it's hard, but keep trying. Keep seeing how long you can go. I've found that once I've made it a month, I knew that I could do it again and maybe, just maybe, get farther. I don't know if that will help, but maybe it's a way to think about it.