Triggering (SH): Falling back into the same routine

[Beth Jane]

First off, hello to everyone in the SH forum - like most of you, I understand what it's like to feel hurt and alone, and to depend on SH, willing or not. If anyone wants to talk, feel free to message me.
I've been SH since I was 12 years old, which resulted in (unsuccessful) therapy and very damaged relationships with my friends and family. After a year, I had made new friends and the SH had reduced a lot, and it felt like things were getting back to normal.
I didn't touch a razor again for two years, up until December 2011 - a lot of things happened at once and I couldn't handle it. I didn't even realise my first method of coping with it was to start again. And even then, it was 'only until things got better', at some points I had also started to starve & purge, which I hadn't felt a need to do before. That was when I finally realised I'd hit rock bottom.
I reached out to two people, and currently, I still talk to only one. He lives far away, so his support is limited.
I still SH every day - one of the things I hate most is how conscious I am of my body, and the paranoia that comes with SH. Despite that, I still feel the need to cut.
I guess that I came here because I've been looking for people who truly understand for a long time, most people in my life treat SH as a disgusting, attention seeking thing.

[Amberpamber]

Hey Beth, I too know how you feel. I hope that being here you'll find ways to slow down and maybe even eventually stop SH'ing. Have you looked at: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/ its a great list of things to do other then SH'ing.

[Childish Giggle]

Hey Beth,
I am glad that you're here. I can understand about wanting to find people who understand you. I feel the same way. That is the reason I spent so much time here. Especially because I struggle to explain how I feel And congratulations on 2 whole years without SH! That is amazing
I am sorry that you're going through such a bad time. No one deserves to feel this way. Have you considered going to therapy again? It might prove helpful. You're older and now and can understand things better. It might work out.
I am here for you whenever you need me Feel free to PM/VM me anytime
Stay strong <3

[Beth Jane]

Thanks Amber, I checked out the list and I'm sure it will prove helpful when I have a little more control. And if I ever get bored as well!

I never really took therapy as an option because of the relationship with my family and what would happen if they found out - though if they find out about my SH now some other way I'm pretty sure I would be forced back into therapy anyway. I'm sure I would feel a lot more open about it if I made the choice to try it again. Thank you Pisces, same to you! <3

[Childish Giggle]

Well, I think the same, when we make the choice on our own, we tend to find opening up easier. Your family has put you in counseling before, I am sure they would be comfortable this time too. Its best that you tell them and get help. Maybe write a letter to them if you are not comfortable talking about it.

[Beth Jane]

I'm very cautious of telling my parents because of how it changed my life last time - they openly admitted that they didn't understand and didn't want to, so they sent me to therapy and things got really difficult at home, I would get weighed and checked every week, all sharp things had to be used under supervision or not at all. At the time I thought it was a little extreme - but now I feel like that pressure of constantly being watched was more triggering than taking away the main triggers. if I was determined, I could use anything. taking away razors didn't solve anything for me.
that being said, I will consider it because giving therapy another try might be exactly what I need. I know this is probably only going to get worse over time otherwise; thankyou <3