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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Question Why Don't They Understand?? - January 22nd 2012, 01:19 AM

My parents have found out about my cutting and I'm getting help from a psychologist but I feel like my parents don't get it at all. They don't know how hard it is to stop and how it's all I can think about. It's driving me crazy. I've expressed those feelings to them but daddy is just like "you just need to stop it now. You are just giving yourself scars" and I'm like ya well it's not just that easy. It's like they think I don't know that it's giving me scars. I'm not stupid I know how this stuff works. I just can't get them to understand that it's not just some kind of bad habit to break. I'm trying so hard but can't seem to do it. Why don't they understand even though I've told them how I feel? How can I getty through their heads? Help is very much appreciated.
   
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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 22nd 2012, 01:31 AM

I know excactly what you mean, I have the same situation with my parents. when I was at breaking point with them I asked my mum why she couldn't understand - and she told me that she just couldn't get her mind around how hurting myself made me feel better. she didn't believe that I was suffering more mentally than physically, even with the cuts. maybe it would be a good idea to ask them why they can't at least try to understand that this is your way of coping, and that cutting is incredibly hard to stop. for me, it eliminated the constant thoughts that they just didn't care.
Also, I hope that seeing the psychologist helps you and that you can recover from this. If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me. <3
   
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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 22nd 2012, 03:18 AM

There are many websites (including http://www.adolescentselfinjuryfoundation.com/page1 ) and multiple others that you can try showing your parents to help them understand SI better, and how it is a very addictive behaviour. It's so good that you are seeing a psychologist - talking may help you to stop. On the webiste above is a list of coping strategies that you can try to help stop cutting.

How are you doing otherwise? Do you know what your triggers are that cause you to cut, or have any ideas to avoid them? Stopping cutting is hard to do, and you may relapse, but keep trying.

Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.


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And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour."
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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 23rd 2012, 06:20 AM

hi these. Firstly it's great to hear that you're tryini to stop self harming. That's a really positive step. I want to tell yot that no one will truly understand you. Why? Because this is you. You're your own person with your own feelings and different views on things. Even if you and another person go through the exact same thing, you'll both feel differently about it and even remember it differently because we all process things in a different way. However, we can relate but there is more chance of that happening if they've been through something similar. I assume from the way yot talk your parents haven't had these issues themselves which will make it hard for them to understand because they dont know how it feels at all. I think if you google 'understanding' self harm that you will find some good information. Printing it off and letting your parents read it might be a good idea or even asking your psychatsist to talk to them about it. I hope this helps. Jessie


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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 23rd 2012, 05:48 PM

Hey, I'm glad you're trying to stop doing this, but I completely understand. My mom doesn't know that I used to do it, but we were watching something on t.v about it and she said "So, hurting themselves makes them feel better? I don't understand." That was actually the moment I knew that I could never tell her I was doing it as I was trying to explain it to her.

Anyway, as someone else said, offer them resources and articles to help them understand better and talk to your psychologist about it. I'm sure he/she is used to dealing with parents who don't understand. Maybe you can meet with your parents and your psychologist together at some point and see if the professional can help explain it to them. Also, tell them what you need. They don't have to understand the concept of self injury to help you deal with it, but you'll have to clearly explain what they can do to help you and what they do or say, if anything, that is completely unhelpful. Good Luck


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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 26th 2012, 02:21 AM

There's some good info out there for parents of cutters. I don't have the courage to tell my parents about my scars yet. Try finding some of those articles or videos and have them watch/read them. They do a pretty good job of explaining what SI really is and how it is a real addiction in some cases and the only way we know how to cope with the world around us. Good luck. I use a site called self-injury.net it has some good info for your parents as well.
   
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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 27th 2012, 05:04 AM

My thoughts on it is how inless if they have went through it they just don't understand. Sure every parents usually reacts different when they find out about something like this. Some parents just see u when u were a baby being taken care of when u had an injury. But to c u doing that to yourself may be the reason why they don't understand. Just a thought
   
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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 27th 2012, 02:21 PM

I don't think that a parent needs to have done something to understand it. That's why showing them some websites that explain the addictive cycle of SI is so important. Show them some websites, and talk to someone on here if you need help with what to say.


"To see a world in a grain of sand,
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Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour."
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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 28th 2012, 07:09 PM

My psychologist has talked to them and given them info about it but they say it's a bad habit I need to stop. I (an my psychologist) told them it's more than a bad habit but they just say I need to work harder and stop. And if I don't stop by the time I graduate then they won't let me go to college
   
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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 28th 2012, 07:14 PM

That definately doesn't sound like they understand what self injury is. Keep trying (along with your psychologist) to get them to understand that it is not a bad habit that you can stop at the drop of a hat. Are there any websites that you have shown then? Are there any other ways you can think of to get them to be more accepting and supportive?


"To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour."
William Blake - Auguries of Innocence
   
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Re: Why Don't They Understand?? - January 29th 2012, 01:16 AM

If your parents have denial problems or have never been depressed or dealt with other mental health issues, than it will be a bit harder for them to understand. I think them saying if you don't stop by the time you go to college than they won't let you go is way too harsh. That's taking it too far. It ISN'T a habit. It's not something you don't do for 28 days and then it's over. It's just not. It's a full-blown addiction. Explain to them your triggers, and your frustrations and what helps you. (If you don't know these things, your psychologist should help you with those. Ask him/her.) Just keep trying - don't give up on trying to make them understand.
Good luck, be strong, I'm thinking of you, PM/VM me anytime you need <33
   
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