It's getting worse

[Tigereyes]

I've never self harmed much and I don't think it's a habit yet since I don't hurt myself often. However, each of the few times I self harm, it's worse than before and the more I want to do it. I used to only scratch with my nails, then I started scratching with a needle, now I'm basically cutting with the needle although not very deep. Like I said, I haven't self harmed very often (as in I will go weeks or months inbetween) but the amount of time between is decreasing. I don't know what to do. I want to stop but I can't. It doesn't even hurt much and I feel that I deserve it or it just calms me. I've told a few friends about the scratching but only one knows about the cutting since I thought she would understand because she too is a self harmer. I don't plan on telling parents or a counselor or anyone. My parents won't understand and will just freak out, and they woould find out if I talked to someone else because they're always trying to get into my business. I don't know what to do anymore...

[secretskill]

For a start, you DO NOT deserve it. I'm glad you've posted on this thread, and I'm glad you see that it's getting worse. I self harm, and I denied it all, I thought it's just a faze. It wasn't.
You really need to think about this before it gets even worse. It might make you happy for now, but take it from me when I say that'll soon end. If you carry on, things will more likely get even worse, and then scars will start to come, which will make you feel self-conscience. You've already took the first step which is knowing it's getting worse and wanting to stop. Maybe you should try some of the alternatives. You can find some on the self harm thread called
"Sticky: Alternatives to Self Harm
Bonheur"
You can see if any of them work.

I hope this helps,
Stay strong.

[Childish Giggle]

Hey there
I am sorry that you're going through a bad time.
The thing about Self Harm is that the more you do it, the worse it becomes. Each time your tolerance for pain increases and you start enjoying it more and more. Its like an addiction to drinking. I'd suggest that the next time you feel like it, try using some alternatives from this list. You might have to try some till you find one that works for you.
But this is only a short term solution. In the long run, you'll have to get help. It is for the best. Maybe try going to a school counselor? Even if they are not able to help you, they are usually trained to deal with parents and helping them understand that you need help.
I am glad that you are at least accepting the problem. It is a step towards recovery, a small one but a step nonetheless. Keep on taking small steps like that and you'll get better soon.
I am always here if you need to talk
Stay Strong <3

[Palmolive]

hey there. I wanted to tell you that you don't deserve the pain you're inflicting upon yourself. That no one could ever deserve it. Self harm can become a vicous cycle. Once we start it can be incredibly easy to slip in to. Some people feel like it becomes like an addiction. You also said that you feel it helps to calm you down. If you think it helps to calm you down then you might not see the point in stopping because it 'helps' you. But there are other things that can help you which are healthy ways. In reality self harming isn't going to help. It can get worse. Trust me and you don't want to get these but the only person who can stop you from doing this to yourself is yourself. I'm not saying it's going to be easy and there are going to be times when yot have urges, feel like you can't beat them and when you want to give up. But ultimatly you're your responsability,you're in control your own actions and as hard as it will be at times you can stop yourself. So try alternatives to distract yourself. Find other ways to help you calm down like walking, painting or having a bubble bath. Try different things and remember that not everything is going to help you, so it's all about trial and error because not everything is going too help you so it's all about trial and error and not giving up when you do come across things that don't help you. I hope this helps. Look after yourself and don't stop tryini. Yot can beat this. Jessie x

[Tigereyes]

Thank you so much for all the help and advice. I still don't want to see a counselor; I'm not usually one to admit to problems especially when the person will likely tell my parents. Even if someone could get them to understand, I don'tthink I could bear their dissappointment. I want to get over this, and thanks for all the support.

[Childish Giggle]

Originally Posted by Tigereyes

I'm not usually one to admit to problems especially when the person will likely tell my parents. Even if someone could get them to understand, I don't think I could bear their dissappointment. I want to get over this, and thanks for all the support.

I can understand how you feel about your parents feeling disappointed but believe me, they'd rather be disappointed and help you get through this than have you hurting yourself inside and outside.
Stay strong XOXOXOXO

[MusicIsEverything]

Please try to stop. I started out like that too. I scratched my fingers with scissors. Then I started cutting with the scissors, but not very deep. Then one night, I smashed a pencil sharpener and took out the blade... And now its a lot worse, I cut my wrists and sometimes it bleeds quite a bit, it's started leaving scars and I'm trying to stop but it's so hard! I just started the butterfly project. I killed my butterfly but I'm going to try again. If you don't know what this is, draw a butterfly wherever you SI, and name it after someone you love (if you want to) and whenever you want to hurt yourself you will see the butterfly and it will (hopefully) remind you not to. Don't wash the butterfly off, let it fade, unless you SI then you have "killed" it and have to wash it off. But you can always start over. I really hope this helps you, you don't want to be caught up in cutting. It's a terrible addiction that I really hope you'll never have. Good luck