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Member
Not a n00b
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Age: 17
Posts: 93
Join Date: January 10th 2011
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I don't know whats going on -
February 9th 2012, 02:36 PM
This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.
I'm caught in this hideous pendulum of being perfectly content with life, to miserably resisting the urge to kill myself.
Tonight I went down to the beach by myself and had a few cigarettes, which is a first for me as I don't smoke. I know how bad they are for your health, yet I loved smoking them, even though the taste is pretty rank. When I got home I had a shower and god it's been 4 years since I have cut (well properly anyway) and I was so close to tearing open my body with my razor, from neck to ankle. Only stopped because I have a basketball tournament this weekend and I don't want to answer questions. So I resorted to flicking myself with one of those hair ties that have a metal clasp. My arms are red, lumpy and swollen. I feel better though. I got some of the pain out, for the time being anyway. (I'm sorry I don't know why I'm even posting this) "Do not regret anything. Every choice, fuck up, spoken word, experience and emotion has brought you to this very moment. It has shaped exactly who you are. Do not regret who you are. You are unique. No one in the world is like you. In this sense, we are alone. Yet for this very reason, we all have one thing in common. Don't waste who you are, be everything you can be. You can achieve your dreams, you just have to genuinely try."
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(#2 (permalink))
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Junior TeenHelper
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Name: Sammie
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: FL
Posts: 327
Join Date: March 7th 2010
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Re: I don't know whats going on -
February 9th 2012, 06:24 PM
I understand what you're going through, I go through the same thing from time to time. It's really weird and I understand not knowing how you feel. I think it's a good thing you posted this though, support is always good.
Try not to hurt yourself even after the basketball tournament...I realize how hard that is, but do something you enjoy to get your mind off of it. Or keep promising yourself to hold off doing it for a certain amount of time and then when that time is up, promise yourself to hold off longer. Have you talked to somebody about your feelings? If not I think you should! It'll help you get to the root of your problem and get over this! Hang in there, if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.! all i want is a place to call my own and mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone, woah, you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low. <3 |
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