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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Unhappy Need to get this off my chest - February 12th 2012, 12:33 AM

Well, this is more of a way for me to air my thoughts and think through what's troubling me so I can try and work through this.

Basically I've been self harm free since about February last year which is verging on a year. I'm not even certain when the last time I did it was, I had to guess (based on events that happened at the time), so that in itself I suppose is a good thing as it means I haven't been dwelling on it.

But the thing is recently I just want to revert to old ways. When instead of struggling through and gradually getting more and more frustrated, I could just do it with very little consequence.

It's how I want to cope with my problems.
College life is really getting me down and I have a feeling I might fail despite my really not wanting to. I am on the verge of just walking out and leaving college and looking for a job but I know that's not what I want and I know how disappointed I'd be in myself as I'm very bright and know I can do better with my life.

And despite how much I adore my family, all I want to do at the moment is move out to my own place. I love them and I don't want to leave them but we drive each other insane (mainly me and my mum). I know it's just the age I've gotten to and that it's natural but I'd love a place of my own right now, but I just can't afford it without a job and I can't find a job until I finish college -.-'

My main problem is I just want to be taken seriously, I am a human being and I have serious problems like everybody else. I'm always the one people come to with their problems but when I have one, nobody wants to know. A large majority of my 'friends' just don't give a shit about anyone but themselves and I have realised recently that when my mum said that "teenagers can be the most self obsessed people on the planet" she was very right (I know not all, lots of teens [I like to think myself included] are incredibly nice and selfless, but at this age we are incredibly self obsessed) I have one good friend whom I don't see very often and it gets me down as I can't confide in her very often.

Self Harm is something that me and my boyfriend both made an effort to stop last year and is something we both took quite seriously. But recently I confided in him, I told him that recently it's been all I want to do and he laughed it off, jokingly calling me a prat, which was not what I was expecting at all and truth be told it kinda hurt that he wasn't taking me seriously. I admit I did do just one cut on my arm about a week ago when I was incredibly close to breaking point but I'd give anything to just be able to do a few more. I've even caught myself contemplating suicide recently and I have no idea why (I'm not suicidal I've just been sort of...wondering, if that makes any sense at all).

Thankyou to anyone who reads this, I know it was very long, far longer than I intended. I just needed some thinking space and possibly a little feedback of encouragement. xxx


Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you
And drugs cause cramp,
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful,
You might as well live.


   
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Re: Need to get this off my chest - February 12th 2012, 09:55 AM

I know how self harming ce become addictive after a while. It almost becomes part of your every day life in some way or another then when you start to phase it out, you have moments like you mentioned, where you just feel the odd need to self harm again. As long as you keep pushing forward and don't slip back into your old ways, I wouldn't worry about it. If you ever need anyone to talk too feel free to shoot me a PM.
   
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Re: Need to get this off my chest - February 23rd 2012, 03:10 AM

School is very important , Especailly college . Just focus on whats important, ignore the thoughts that are haunting you in the back of your mind. Ignore the little devil in your head thinking you NEED cutting. I know thats hard to do. Ive been only about 1 week clean . Its hard to hide the scars , and suicide is NOT the choice . Youre a big girl , you should know thats not the way. Tell your boyfriend you were serious, and if he really loved you he would listen. You can get through this. Just believe you can. Stay strong . <3
   
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