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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
*MusicIsMyLife* Offline
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Name: Rebecca
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Unhappy Feeling really emotional. - February 14th 2012, 12:51 AM

I am feeling really hurt and worried.. I don't know what to do anymore except give up, I think that giving up is my only option right now. It will take away all of the hurt that I am feeling.

Theres alot going on in my life right now. I am having issues with my friends, family and I was assaulted. This is all very stressful to handle and I can`t deal with this anymore.

My friends are not being nice to me. They push me around and they call me really mean names. Like they say that I am stupid, ugly, fat, a loser, a loner and that no one likes me.

I have weight issues and my friends always have to put me down about it. Just because they are so skinny doesn't mean they are the best. They think that they are so cool and that people like them because of there looks. They call me ugly all the time and they brag about how pretty they are. They are really pretty but it doesn't mean that they have to be so mean to me. Now I have no one because none of my friends like me because they are all listening to everything that my other friends all say. The names that they call me really hurt. They don't care. I have been skipping meals. I think I am fat so I shouldn`t eat,

Also there is this girl who is threatening me and saying that if I tell anyone she will hurt me. I think she will hurt me. I am really scared to tell someone. I don`t know what to do. I am scared to go to school. It`s supposed to be a place where you feel safe not a place where you go to get bullied and feel unsafe. I feel really unsafe going to school. I am really worried that something is going to happen.

I am also having family issues. My parents and my siblings are not treating me very fair. My parents think that I am so stupid and ugly. They don't care about me either. All they care about are my siblings. They always tell me that they don't love me and that they wish I never existed. They also hit me and they are always yelling at me for no reason at all. For example, if one of my siblings do something wrong they always yell at me for it because they tell my parents that I did it, when it was really them.

I am really scared. I was sexually assaulted by someone and I am really scared. This person that assaulted me says that it's all my fault. He also said that if I tell anyone what he did to me then he would hurt me. He did some bad things to me. He touched me in mad places and he made me do things that I didn't want to do. I tryed stopping him but he still wouldn't stop. I think that it is all my FAULT!!

I am feeling so many different emotions. I am feeling, hurt, sad, lonely, unsafe, stressed and depressed. I can`t handle any of this anymore. I just really want to give up. I think that cutting myself will help all of my pain go away and that it will make everyone happy because then I will be gone and I am sure that everyone wants me gone. I just think that cutting is the way out. I am in a lot of pain so cutting myself would be the best thing to do and my only option.


I think that everything is all my fault and that I am a FAILURE because I am not good at anything. I have really low self- esteem and no confidence in myself. I think negative all the time and I think that I am horrible at everything that I do.
I just really want someone to care. I feel like no one cares about me and that no one wants to listen to me. People keep on pushing me away. Everytime I try talking to someone they always put me down and don`t want to listen, they just push me away. I just really think that I should cut. I want someone to listen to me and to care about me and to be my friend. I am really worried that someone is going to hurt me more then I am hurt already. I think that I would be better off not here anymore. No one wants me here anyways.

I have attempted to hurt myself before and I just think that I would actually go through with it this time. Cutting is a pain killer. It takes away all of the pain you are feeling and just puts even more pain on you. I think that I am stupid, ugly, fat and a loser since everyone else does. I get called them everyday so I am beginning to believe them. Cutting will solve everything, I won`t have to live in this world anymore if I hurt myself. I go to school everyday and I am bullied and I just wish that I wasn`t here anymore. Bullying has brought me to self harm in the past. I am scared to talk to someone about these feelings at school. No one will listen to me anyways.


“Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.”
― Taylor Swift
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Ambedo. Offline
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Re: Feeling really emotional. - February 14th 2012, 01:44 AM

Rebecca, reading this broke my heart. Let me tell you something: you are not any of the horrible things that you have been called by others. The fact that those people have failed to see the wonderful individual that you are is their fault. I've had the privilege of talking to you on this site a couple of times and I can honestly say that I have not found one negative thing to say about you. I just wish you could see yourself that way.

If your "friends" are calling you horrible names, then they aren't really your friends. You need to be surrounded by positive people who build you up, not people who tear you down constantly. It's time for you to ditch these phony friends and find people who appreciate you for who you are. I know that might seem tough, but those people are out there. Reach out to new people at school or in your community. It might take time, but eventually you will find people that encourage you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

I understand that you're afraid, but if someone is threatening you, you need to tell someone! Go to your guidance counselor, a teacher, or the principal right away. Threats should not be taken lightly and people in positions of authority need to be informed to ensure your safety and the safety of others. I'm not entirely sure how it works in Canada, but there is a chance that whoever you tell will not be under any obligation to tell the girl who is threatening you where they got their information. That's something you should definitely check into. But, please tell someone if you feel like you're in danger!

I'm so sorry that your parents are treating you the way that they are. Unfortunately, there are some home situations that are less than ideal. Emotional abuse is awful to deal with, especially because the scars stay hidden. Perhaps you could write in a journal about your feelings. It doesn't take the pain away, but it helps you to direct it somewhere. I wasn't totally clear on one thing - are your parents physically abusing you? If they are, you need to alert someone. Again, your safety is key.

The fact that someone sexually abused you is not your fault. You had no control over the situation and the fact that it happened to you is awful. I'm assuming it's too late for you to press charges, but if your assaulter is continuing to threaten you, you need to inform the authorities. I know I sound like a broken record, but your safety really is important. No one has a right to threaten that.

Finally, self-harm is not the answer. It might seem like it takes the pain away at the time, but it really doesn't fix things. I'd like to encourage you to look at this alternatives to self harm thread. It will give you some ideas about ways to direct your energy in a healthier way.

Take care, Rebecca.


wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
SM13 Offline
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Re: Feeling really emotional. - February 14th 2012, 11:39 PM

I agree with what sammi said. I had friends who were only making me feel horrible about myself too. What helped me is to try to find other people who have the sane interests as you. I see that you are into music. Maybe you could try out chorus or marching band or theater at your school. Joining new activities and clubs is a great way to make new friends who are I to the same stuff as you. Good luck.
~SM~
   
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