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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BrittanyBooze Offline
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Exclamation I need some help. - February 17th 2012, 03:17 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So here it goes;
I've tried to hard to keep in line, not to cut, or burn. I've tried to stay away from drugs. I've tried to forget the past... It doesn't work... I accept that I was raped a year ago... But I made a mistake. I went and got drunk... Had protected sex(I say it like that, because I'm glad it was protected.) I don't consider it sex though, because if I wasn't drunk. I wouldn't have wanted it.... That was three weeks ago. Old habits die hard I guess, because I start cutting again... Deeper then before... A lot deeper then before. I almost thought I was going to have to wake my mom up because I thought I was going to bleed out. I didn't want to die. That was a week ago.. Now I'm thinking; that didn't hurt at all. It doesn't take much more to go to deep... I thought about trying it. I want to try it. I don't want to die... I want to die.. My thoughts are all tangled together.. I need help. I know it. I can't talk to my mom, or anyone else, because they'd send me away.
&&I know that'll make EVERYTHING worse. I've also recently started smoking again That gets rid of some stress I have. Makes me more anxious though. My parents know I smoke. I get introuble a lot for it. It's worse when my brothers girlfriend and him start screaming in my face telling me I'm a bitch, a whore, and I'm a waste of THEIR oxygen. I just sit there. I don't say anything. I sit there in silence. I need help.. I don't know how much more I can take before I lose my mind and put a bullet through my head, or cut a major blood vessel...
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Riddikulus Offline
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Re: I need some help. - February 17th 2012, 09:00 AM

Hey there,

It sounds things are really hard for at the moment. You say you've tried to keep in line, nd the fact that you are trying is great, and i know how hard it can, especially without the support of friends and family. But you can do it, you've just got to hang in there. Forgetting your past is pretty much impossible when it's something traumatic, you say you've accepted it, but accepting it can mean stroing feelings, perhaps you could talk to someone about it? It will make this a bit easier to cope witha nd help you to get the support that you need.
SelfHarm is a vicious cycle and very hard to stop, which you prbably already know. It's can be very dangerous, and the fact that you are cutting so deep you thought you were going to bleed out is not good at all, I would strongly suggest talking to someone you trust about this, you can keep going like that. I would also suggest taking a look at the alternatives thread, they will help to distract you while the urges fade. It is trial and error and therefore not all of them may work for you, but hang in there and you WILL find one that does.
Life is a beautiful thing, you have so much left to live for, so much left to experience. Don't give up on it all now, it will get better. There is always hope.
Perhaps talk to your parents about everything thats going on with you, it's their job to look after you, they can help you through this. ALso tell them about your Brother and his girlfriend, that is not fair of them and none of those things are true.
You CAN get through this, hang in there and stay strong.

If you ever want/need to talk, feel free to PM me,
Take care,

'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
BrittanyBooze Offline
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Re: I need some help. - February 19th 2012, 01:24 AM

Thank you for replying.
&I've tried different alternatives in the past, and some of them work, but not for as long. I've told my parents about my brother and his girlfriend; they say to grow up about it. I act my age, if not a little older(I'm 15, almost 16.) It does feel pretty hard to try to get my life back to how it was. For awhile, everything got better, and I thought I was going to be okay, then it slowly went down hill, now it's worse then before. I've tried to talk about it with some people, mostly my best friend, but she doesn't understand it because she doesn't see why I still cut. She knows what happened, she was the one of the only 5 that knew. The others that knew include my best guy friend, my best chick friend, the kid, his friend, and another one of my really close friends. However, when I try to talk to them about it, they don't know what to say, when all I really want is for them to listen, but they say, "Get help. I don't know what to say, and I can't deal with this now." Or, "I love you to death, how could you ever think that? Why would you do this to yourself?" I can't help that. &It makes me feel HORRIBLE. -__- However, thank you for the advice, and I'll try some other alternatives.
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Re: I need some help. - February 19th 2012, 02:21 AM

Hi there.

I don't have a lot to say from what has already been said but I just wanted you to know that if you ever want anyone to talk to then you're always more than welcome to shoot me a PM.

You're worth more than the self harm and you honestly don't need it. Ultimately, it's not going to help or solve the reasons as to why you hurt yourself. If you don't face those underlying issues and learn to cope with then you aren't going to feel better because those issues are still going to be bothering you and triggering the urges for you to self harm. It's really important you do work to cope with those issues. Do you have any support from anyone? If you don't that might be a really good idea.

Cutting yourself deep isn't a good place to go. When my self harm got bad I was in a&e everyday and it was horrible. But at the time I felt I just couldn't stop. It was such a horrible place to be. I didn't want to be self harming, not really but it was the only way I knew to stop the pain and it made it feel worth it, even just for those few seconds. But the worse the pain got inside me, the worse the self harm got. And sometimes it can feel like we can't stop ourselves, but ultimately we're in control of our own actions. The only person who can stop you from self harming is yourself. But people can help you through it and it's okay to let them in and ask for some help. You're not alone in this.

You can beat this so hang on in there. Use distractions, think in a positive way, talk to people, let them in and don't be alone. Recovery is hard but it'll be worth it and the only way to overcome self harm is to beat it so don't give. You can do this.

Look after yourself.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
BrittanyBooze Offline
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Re: I need some help. - February 20th 2012, 03:54 AM

Thank you for the advice. I'm actually trying to find different methods to cope with issues, because I don't want anymore scars. They make me feel insecure, so I'm determined to find a way to move past all of this, and put it behind me. I found spending time with my friend, who is also my neighbor, a good way to distract myself from anything negative. He knows about the cutting, so I have someone to talk to there.

I've also tried to pick up on some of my old hobbies, such a writing, drawing, and playing softball, or playing the piano. Thanks for the advice again, it actually did make me think a bit, and you're right with everything you said.
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Re: I need some help. - February 20th 2012, 04:51 AM

Sweetheart=( This does have to stop, yes. I know its been hard, you've faced some terrible things in your life. But stopping cutting is not something you have to do alone. You have a lot of support here. We all believe in you and are rooting for you. Its great that you are trying to get into your old hobbies again. Thats really great cause those things keep you occupied and busy. I do think though that the BEST thing you can do for yourself is to talk to someone, even if you are scared to do so. They shouldn't take you away. Just explain to them that you are scared of that and that you would like to go to therapy maybe once a week? I think that would be a lot better for you and also less scary and stressful. You're a strong girl and I know you can beat this if you try=) Feel free to PM me whenever=)

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