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xxprincessxx Offline
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Name: Sammie
Age: 28
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Join Date: March 7th 2010

Angry tired of fighting this alone. - February 21st 2012, 05:40 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i'm seriously tired of getting urges to cut almost every night...it's annoying. i usually just promise myself to wait til the morning because everything is better...morning comes i'm fine, i make it through the day because i'm distracted and then night comes, i cant fall asleep and the urges strike again.

it would be so much easier if i had somebody to talk to but i don't. i can't tell my friends because they all think i've gotten over it. if i told the friend i'm closes to on campus, they'd tell my advisor, which would get me in trouble...majorly. i can't talk to family, they just overreact and freak out. my parents think i haven't cut since my sophomore year of high school, i'm not a sophomore in college and i've only been clean for four months...the only mentor i have on campus would have to tell the campus counselor which would then get me liable of getting kicked of campus...which sucks.

i don't understand there rules. "with the intent to hurt yourself." like seriously. it pisses me off, i could tell them i'm a raging acoholic or i'm addicted to drugs (which would be hurting me) AND THEY WOULDNT BE ALLOWED TO TELL. it would have to be kept between me and whoever i told unless i said otherwise...but AS soon as i put a tiny like scratch on my arm on purpose they have to tell! it's bull! i'm fighting this alone and it sucks...because if i told my friend or mentor the only two people i trust enough i'd get screwed over.


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

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Re: tired of fighting this alone. - February 22nd 2012, 12:58 AM

I had the same type of urges where they would be really strong at night. I just would make myself got to sleep or just hold onto my razor in my hand or close by at night without SHing, just to keep it close.

Im sorry your going through this alone. I don't really know your friends but maybe give them the benefit of the doubt that if you tell them not to tell they won't. Maybe try explaining to them how you feel that you don't have anyone and you need someone who you can trust and who will be there for you. Im sure if they knew how you felt they wouldn't really want to get you in trouble.

Anyways Im here if you ever want to talk! I hope everything works out!
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
will was here Offline
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Thumbs up Re: tired of fighting this alone. - February 22nd 2012, 01:43 AM

there isn't much I can say to stop you from cutting. there is no play on words that can stop an addiction. But I can say to you is this.
You cannot go down without a fight. and if you do slip up it's not the end of the world. Cutting is a bad thing to fall into but just because you do this doesn't make you a bad person. If you fall you have to get back up and keep trying to quit this. I tell people every day that they have more power then they think. Keep in mind that for some people, quitting this is harder then quitting cigarettes. But when you do stop for good you can look back and be so proud of yourself. So proud that even in struggle you persevered. You can do this.

hello my heart where have you been
I missed you when you left
you ran away with that senseless boy
and left me dim and dry
like a faded flower in the mist

Come back my heart. you have a home here
In this place that is my soul
I want to feel like whole again. don't waste your time with him

Have faith my heart. You'll get a second chance
come back to me and you will not be alone
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