I've realized that some days I wake up, and I view my scars as battle wounds. They make me so proud, and I think they're beautiful. Other days, I wake up, and I just want to cry because I feel like I've destroyed my body.
Does anyone else have this problem? If so, how do you deal with it on the bad days? Should I get scar cream?
Yeah I know what you mean. Sometimes I just love my scars and look to them for comfort. But other times I look at them and think its stupid especially when I try and wear clothes that I now can't.
I think now though I have just gotten use to the love/hate relationship I have with my scars. Because I mean in the end you can't really make them disappear completely and I just try and justify them to myself when I think they are ugly. Telling myself they have made me stronger!
It's like that for a lot of people. Personally, on those bad days, I just tell myself that they could be worse.. That I should be happy they are what they are, and I should be happy that I got over what I got over, and that scar is a thing of the past. Seeing them reminds me of why I don't want to do that anymore. So it's not necessarily me being reminded of what I've been through, more or less what I've overcome to get where I am.
"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho
"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep
personally, i intentionally cut myself in patterns just because i knew they would scar. it sounds kind of stupid, but it was a way for me to justify my actions. i never really wore clothes to cover my scars. i only wore clothes to cover the open wounds. however, that does not mean i was ever comfortable with them. people always look at them and you can see in their eyes what they are thinking. for that reason, i tried scar cream. i used mederma (spelling?) which was application 3 times a day for a certain amount of months. my scars did not fade one bit. from other people, i have heard the same thing that scar creams are not very effective. but you could always try them if you would like.
in the end, your scars are a part of you and your past. i always tell myself not to be ashamed because depression and self harm is not something to be ashamed of. overcoming it shows exactly how strong you are. in a way, they are the story of who you are or who you used to be. it is true that you marked your body and it may be permanent. however, there is no changing the past. so do not beat yourself up over it. try to come to terms with the past. if you just cannot do that and you want to get rid of your scars, i wish you the best of luck.
So true ashley shows you went through it and your making it still. Also you can cover up the scars with make up I have tried that. It works a little bit sometimes you can still see it a little bit. I do have some scars that Im proud of because well its hard to explain but the scars are from me cuttign out of love so Im proud I have those scars for reason. I stopped cutting out of love for many years now. Now I just plain cut and dont really have scars from that. maybe like one or something but other than that I dont really get scars.
I go through this as well. On my bad days where I don't want to look at them, I cover them up with make-up. Its good practice for when I have to see the doctor or go out and do something.
I don't think I really want them to go away, as bad as they are. They show me that this really did happen, and my pain is real. I can't really explain it, but I'm sure you know well enough.
Ashley- I do the same thing you do sometimes. It isn't stupid to me.
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I feel the same exact way. Not too long ago, I started burning myself with a lighter and a bobby pin. I hate it. But, at the same time, I can't stop. Some days I wake up feeling like I'm brave for doing it and other days, I wake up asking myself why I'm doing this. It feels so right, yet so wrong. :/
I feel the same way. Sometimes I really like the scars and how they look, and I really don't care that they're there or that they are related to self harm. And then on other days they really trigger me or make me feel guilty. On bad days I tend to wear long sleeves or longer clothes so I don't have to see it. If you want to get scar cream you can, but you don't have to. It all depends on your personal preference. Some people just think of it as a story or something they got past.
Good luck and stay strong.
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