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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xxprincessxx Offline
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ugh, i totally lied... - February 27th 2012, 11:53 PM

...straight through my teeth today. I was talking about things that have happened in the past with my campus counselor because we figured that's at least a start at getting through my depression.

So today, she brought up the cutting that I used to do. Anyways, she was like "that was a long time ago, right? you've given that up." which is slightly true, so I agreed. and then she asked how long had it been...and I just sort of refused to answer the question...so she was like "you haven't cut in college right?" and I was like "not this year." which basically implied I haven't cut in my sophomore year....which is a huge lie. I've been clean for five months, that's it. and i lied about it...why? because i was scared that I was going to somehow get in trouble even though I've been staying away from those behaviors...and i figured she would question more if i still felt triggered to do so...and i got scared.

now i feel like crap, i lied to the one person who i shouldn't have. and now i feel guilty and crappy...and it's triggering me. and i don't know what to do...i won't see her again until after spring break. i don't know if i can deal with this guilt until then...i really just want to cut.

why can't i just be over this.
and not care about lying, it never used to bother me until now.


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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lauri Offline
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Re: ugh, i totally lied... - February 28th 2012, 12:06 AM

I understand I lie about the cutting too . I dont want my parents to know. I tell therapist sometimes but sometimes like you I lie and say no or give hints like maybe or I dont know to cutting. Im scared even though im 19 that they will tell my parents I cut if I say I do even though Im 19. I wouldnt feel so bad about it that you dont go see her just because you lied to her.

Its a senstive topic you were just scared and imbarrsed you do it so you lied. Lots of people are your not the only one. Like me. Im sure she could tell that by how you answered you probably still do it she probably knows you still do it could tell from how you answered. So dont worry about it so much. Keeep seeing her please she seems to be really nice and helping you. You can always say I made a mistake I said I didnt when I do and then say but I dont do it a lot.
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Re: ugh, i totally lied... - February 28th 2012, 10:02 AM

I know this feeling. I've lied to the counselor and some of the doctors (the ones who've asked) and it feels crappy, I know.
If there's any way you can see her and tell her, I encourage you to do so. I know it is going to be hard and scary, but you can do it. You were scared and embarrassed, these things happen. I am sure she won't think any less of you because of it.
Don't give in to the urge right now, you're doing so well! Five months is incredible, I'm nowhere even near that.
Keep it up.
I'm here if you ever want to chat.


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Re: ugh, i totally lied... - February 28th 2012, 10:19 AM

Hey Sammie

Let me tell you a secret, we all have lied to counselors/therapist about cutting one time or the other. SSHHHHH, don't tell anyone I told you that

Its okay you lied, what is important here is that you've been clean for 5 months and have started getting help, you have reached out. Opening up can take time. After hiding something for so long, and facing disappointments on telling people, we tend to think that the counselors and all will react in the same way. It takes time to accept the fact that they are not here to judge you, they are just here to help you in any way that they can. It takes time, but we do reach a point where we stop lying to them. Its okay to be scared. We all have been through this. Just take a deep breath and make a promise to yourself. That you will try to tell her everything next time. Even if you're afraid to talk about the past and revive old memories, you will still try, make an effort. And even if you're not able to do it next time, don't be disheartened, you are making progress by simply going there and talking to her. You will start telling her everything eventually.

If you're feeling so guilty about lying, maybe you should just give her a call? Or text/e-mail her. If anytime of the day, you're feeling guilty and have a "I-must-tell-her" feeling, don't suppress it. Just tell her by a call/text/e-mail. You can then discuss it with her whenever you see her next. Remember, she is not here to judge you and she won't.

I am here if you need to talk.
Stay strong <3



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

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Re: ugh, i totally lied... - February 29th 2012, 06:31 AM

Thank you guys!

It's just I feel so bad! I have so much respect for her and I completely and utterly lied. Like I want to talk to her before spring break and tell her just so it's not bothering me but part of me thinks I should just wait til afterwards when it would be a more normal time to tell her. The only time I would have to do so is tomorrow, so I don't know....I really don't even know what to say at the moment. :/


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Solivagant Offline
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Re: ugh, i totally lied... - February 29th 2012, 06:44 AM

Write it down if you can. Just give her the piece of paper. Don't think so much, Just Do It! Tell her whenever you feel like it. Even during the break, you just have to let her know. You can discuss it later, whenever you meet next. There's no "normal time" to tell her. The right time to tell her is now. Now is when you should tell her.
I hope you do manage to tell her.
Take care lovely <3



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
   
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