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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Formerly known as Ryan.
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Psychological SH. - March 4th 2012, 12:26 AM

So, I haven't burnt in over two years (and honestly now find it hard to believe I ever did), but I keep walking into situations that I know are going to hurt me, so what's the difference really?

I feel like I intentionally do things that I know are gonna rip me up because I feel like I have to. It's stupid, I hate it, but I can't seem to not do them. xD

And as I was thinking about this, my mind drifted back to the SH days and it dawned on me that it was the absolute EXACT same feeling. Feeling like you HAVE to do something even if you don't necessarily want to, feeling empty without doing it, thinking about it when you're not doing it, etc.

Anyone else ever psychologically SH or am I just crazy?

At your service.

We grow and gain sapience and we learn what's important.

We were meant to live for so much more; have we lost ourselves somewhere we live inside?

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Psychological SH. - March 4th 2012, 03:30 PM

I've put myself in situations before where I knew I'd get emotionally hurt and felt like I needed it to happen. Not that I necessarily craved it, but just bad days where I needed to feel worse. Or I know people that are going to hurt me eventually, yet I still stick around anyway. Actually, the best ones are people that hurt you constantly, and you sit there and take it because you feel like you deserve it.

However Ryan, I know how amazing you are & you don't deserve any of it. I know you like to be there for everyone, as do I, but sometimes you need to walk away. If you're dealing with someone/something that's draining on you emotionally & they know exactly what they're doing to you, it's time to hang it up & move on. Don't let yourself stay in a place that causes you pain, no matter how much you want it. Pick yourself up & go on with your life in a positive manner. You're better than any of this & you deserve to be happy <3


x See the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets x
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Psychological SH. - March 4th 2012, 03:41 PM

Hey Ryan

Firstly, congratulations on 2 years without burning! It is a great achievement and I am proud of you for this!

Now, about psychological SH, I think loads of people do it. Like some people might date people who treat them horribly and make them feel like shit, just to harm themselves emotionally. Sometimes people, including me, cut themselves off from their friends and relatives to feel miserable. When done intentionally, to feel horrible, this will be classified as SH. So yeah, you're not alone in this

Originally Posted by Ryan. View Post
And as I was thinking about this, my mind drifted back to the SH days and it dawned on me that it was the absolute EXACT same feeling. Feeling like you HAVE to do something even if you don't necessarily want to, feeling empty without doing it, thinking about it when you're not doing it, etc.
You might have noticed that I congratulated you for going burn free and not SH free. Because the truth is, that you haven't been SH free all this time. And that is the first thing you need to accept here. It is the first step towards getting better. Though at the same time do congratulate yourself on not physically injuring yourself.

I'll suggest that you make a list. A list about how you have SHed emotionally in the past 2 years. Having it on paper and thinking about those things, reminding yourself that you have to stop doing them, might help you a lot. Scrutinizing your actions is important so that you don't repeat the same mistakes again.

Next I'd say make a list about how you deserve better. Because you do. I've not known you for very long but you are an amazing person. One of the few persons in chat who always greets everyone so warmly in chat. You can get your family and friends to make this list for you too or help you with it. I think surrounding yourself with post-it notes saying good things about you from your close ones will help you a bit. Help you realize everyday that you deserve better and that you need to stop hurting yourself.

And now from the alternatives list, some alternatives that might work for you. Try them, and when something doesn't work for you, don't be disheartened. There are loads of alternatives and one or the other will work for you.

Alternatives that will hopefully make you think twice about harming yourself:

-Treat yourself nicely
-Remember that you don’t have to hurt yourself just because you're thinking about self harm
-Create a safe place to go
-Acknowledge that self harm is harmful behavior, accept the fact that you want to hurt yourself and that you need to stop.
-Repeat to yourself “I don’t deserve to be hurt” even if you don’t believe it
Remember that you always have the choice not to get hurt on purpose: it’s up to you what you do
-Think about how you may feel guilty after self harming
-Remind yourself that the urge to self harm is impulsive: you will only feel like that for short bursts of time
-Avoid temptation
-Make your own list of things to do instead of self harm
-Make a list of your positive character traits
-Be nice to your family, who in return, will hopefully be nice to you
-Recognize and acknowledge the choices you have NOW
-Pay attention to the changes needed to make you feel safe
-Notice "choices" versus "dilemmas"
-Lose the "should-could-have to" words. Try... "What if"
-Kiss the places you want to SH or kiss the places you have healing wounds. It can be a reminder that you care about myself and that you don't want this
-Choose your way of thinking, try to resist following old thinking patterns
-The Butterfly project- draw a butterfly on the place(s) that you would self harm and if the butterfly fades without self-harming, it means it has lived and flown away, giving a sense of achievement. Whereas if you do self-harm with the butterfly there; you will have to wash it off. If that does happen, you can start again by drawing a new one on. You can name the butterfly after someone you love. ( Yeah it will work for Psychological SH too!)
-Think about what you would say to a friend who was struggling with the same things you are and try to be a good friend to yourself.
-Make a bracelet out duct tape, and put a line on it every day (Or any period of time) you go without self harm. When it's full of lines, take it off and make a chain out of all the bracelets and hang it up somewhere where you can be reminded of your great progress.

I hope this helps you
I am always up for a chat if you need to talk.
Take care and stay strong <3

"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Last edited by Solivagant; March 4th 2012 at 03:50 PM.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Psychological SH. - March 5th 2012, 01:19 AM

I don't know if this counts, but I dwell on negative things that I know will be make cry just so I'll start crying. Instead of trying to be positive.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Psychological SH. - March 5th 2012, 01:42 AM

Probably not. I thought I was crazy too. I use to spend a lot of time self hating myself by remembering every stupid thing I've ever done, every bad thing people have called me, and basically calling myself every horrible thing ever. Just for that feeling after I couldn't think of anything, after I couldn't cry anymore tears. It was like being almost numb, almost unable to feel that I wasn't me anymore. So, maybe we're both crazy or this is a more mind over body SH...?

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Psychological SH. - March 5th 2012, 01:52 AM

I actually do the exact same thing. Although my reasoning might not be the same as yours, I just apparently get off on extreme feelings one way or the other, since I find it better than feeling indifferent.

I have no spectacular advice, but feel free to PM me if you need to Ryan, I'm always willing to lend an ear
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