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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Haunted Offline
Average Joe
Haunted's Avatar
Name: Serena
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Spacetime

Posts: 167
Join Date: September 25th 2011

Unhappy everything triggers me - March 9th 2012, 09:16 PM

This is what has been going on these days.
I haven't been self harming for 77 days and I'm proud, even because I didn't think I could actually make it.
Anyway, these days things are a bit difficult. I have this quite big problem with school and it is driving me insane.
Sometimes, at night, I stare at my reflection in the mirror and I burst out crying at the thought that I am f-ing afraid of everything that's around me and that I hate it all. I hate my school. I hate my teachers. I hate those subjects. I hate the fact that what I'm studying has nothing to do with what I want to do. I hate my town. I hate my bedroom. I hate my house.
I hate my reflection... my hair, my face, my eyes, my nose, my mouth, my belly, my arms, my legs, my breasts, my skin... they all deserve hate. I feel like I am nothing.
On Wednesday I was so broken that at midnight I have sworn to myself that I would not eat anything for the whole day (promise that I didn't keep and that ended up making me feel guilty).
I feel lonely, abandoned. Nobody can help me through this shit and I ran out of strength.
Every little thing makes me want to self harm again. Every little "tear" of slight pain makes me want to cut.
Until now I told myself "you can make it, you're strong", but it's a lie. I would dare to say, a beautiful lie, but still a lie.
I go on because I have no other choice and because I have my mother behind me kicking my butt every time I feel like stopping for a little while.
Nobody's by my side and I feel so alone.
Sometimes talking with people can help, but nobody understands me. NOBODY AT ALL.
And... everything triggers me. Seeing scars on my wrists triggers me the most.
I got completely lost and I don't know how to start again.
I need help. I need some advice.

the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.
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I've been here a while
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Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 1,048
Join Date: October 4th 2011

Re: everything triggers me - March 11th 2012, 08:06 PM

Hey Serena,

You're not alone in any of your struggles. I understand it may seem like you are and that there's no help out there, but there is. Just need to keep trying to push through it, things will get better. I'm always available to talk anytime you need too. feel free to message me anytime. <3
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
xxprincessxx Offline
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Name: Sammie
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 488
Join Date: March 7th 2010

Re: everything triggers me - March 11th 2012, 10:25 PM

First of all, GREAT JOB at making it 77 days! That's huge.

As amber said, you aren't alone in this! If you want to talk about anything ever, I'm just a PM away. But I'm sure there are people in your life who care about you and would want to help you? Friends, family members, teachers, etc. I think it would be helpful if you would open up to them and let them help you through this. I also think that seeing a therapist would help you out so much! Therapy can be a great tool to overcoming this addiction!

Do you know why you hate everything and why everything triggers you so much! As I said, talking about this helps overcome this. Also, when you get triggered do something you enjoy and that you like doing to get your mind off of this!

Stay Strong! Feel free to PM me!

all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

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