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jhor Offline
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I want to move past my issues, but this is a shitty time for my family/ friends. Could I have some advice? - March 14th 2012, 01:31 AM

For starters, this could really fit anywhere, but I put it here. It's fine by me if you'd like to move it.

Also, I know this is uber long, but I'd love the advice.

So I've been burning cutting and hitting since i was little, but only this past year has it really been more of an issue. When I was little I used to hit myself because I'd get so upset, and I just hated how I looked. Now I'm 14, and I realize that that really wasn't healthy at all.

I have a lot of issues with picking. I can't let a scab last for more than a few hours. I constantly pick at my lips and my skin, and hang nails. My lips are swollen, but I still pick at them. People have told me it's gross, but I really do find it difficult to stop, which I know sounds ridiculous. I've been plucking my hair out (from everywhere), and I usually end up going at this for hours. I have little scabs on arms and legs from plucking hair. (Gross, I know).

Right now my family has been having some of issues. My 16 year old brother's been dealing & doing quite variety of illicit drugs, which I honestly don't think is that big a deal, but him and my mom are ALWAYS fighting over it, which causes my dad to get involved. He'll leave by choice and tell people he got kicked out, which has caused social services to get involved. He's been now diagnosed with some sort of mood disorder.

Social Services came in school and some chick who looked like, 10 started asking me all these wierd questions. At one point she asked what activities me and my mom do, and looked at me all weird when I said none, really. Then she asked if there were any drugs between us. Like, yes b'y. I wanted to say "Aw yeah, After our sycronized swimming, me and mom go out for a blaze."

Anyway, I really think there's something wrong my 12 year old sister, she's got a LOT of severe anger issues. If she doesn't get the front seat on a 5 minute drive, she'll scream and cry, calling us "fucking fagots" or whatever she can think of, start kicking, punching and throwing tantrums. She tried to knife me one time when I wouldn't let her use the television.

My mom always tells me I'm her rock or whatever, but if we fight she gets REALLY upset. Every once in a while I get sick of my sister and my brother and my mom and living in a house we can't afford to keep my sister happy, and it's then me and my mom fight. A few days ago we fought, and she told me if my life is so terrible I should just go kill myself. But we really are equally as mean to eachother. The next day, mom pretends it didn't happen, so I go along with it, which I feel like isn't healthy, either.

Me and two friend's have always had a little group together.
One of these friends has always loved attention, and really wanted to be scene for a while. She's always thought depression and such was rather glamourous, and now she is. She's been talking to a school teacher for guidance of her mood disorder and tells me all the time how she crys randomly and stuff. I think I'm just jelous of her, because she's always had lots of money and whatever she wanted. I don't want to be a shitty friend, because I really do care for her, but sometimes I feel like her issues are really self inflicted.

Last year I told her I self harmed and I wanted to stop, and she ignored me for 7 months until she texted me to tell me how much her life sucks. I don't think she remembers what I told her, because she hasn't mentioned it. It was my fault for telling her, but now she wants this back from me, and I don't know what to do about it. I want to be a good friend, but I don't know how to. My other says she's been depressed and she was gonna' write a letter to her mum asking to put her in therapy, as well. I don't want to have all three of us like that. It's weird. We were never like this before, so not now, either.

I'm not depressed or bipolar or anything, like everyone is all of a sudden. I just want someone to talk to sometimes; I'm overwhelemd. My mom wouldn't take me seriously at this point and time (can't blame her), and If I told a councilor they'd tell her, and voila; she'd have three messed up children. That's just not fair. And my friends , too.

I just want to scream and get everything off my chest! I'm just overwhelmed! I'm really not willing to screw things up for other people. Please help, what do I do? I just want to dissapear.
Sorry that was so long, thank you so much if you actually read this.
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Re: I want to move past my issues, but this is a shitty time for my family/ friends. Could I have some advice? - March 16th 2012, 05:33 PM

Hm... I wish I had something super insightful and prophetic but nothing is coming to me. It is obvious that you are going through some very rough times, and although you say you just want to disappear I doubt that will help any. It may be better to just, as you say, talk to someone. Not even necessarily a counselor or anything, but someone that you think you can trust to let out all of this, see what they have to say. Has your family ever tried FAMILY counseling? It could perhaps resolve some of the conflict and negative feelings between everyone.

In any case, I really hope things improve. Take care.

"Ignore the ramblings of the ignorant, and step on or over their crumpled bodies as you make your way to the top of the mountain. Eat upon their flesh for fuel, and, through your determination and will, banish them to obscurity and a life of complacency and self righteousness that is the hell in which they live"

-Richard Safreed

"Civilize the mind, but make savage the body."
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Re: I want to move past my issues, but this is a shitty time for my family/ friends. Could I have some advice? - March 16th 2012, 06:15 PM

Gabrielle, what is it you want?

There are often two ways of getting it. One, is directly..by talking with your folks and hoping they can hear you and respond to you and work with you to make necessary changes. Sometimes, it takes a third person, like a counselor. Sometimes, not. You can try to address this with mom, make it clear what it is that you need and see if you and she can work towards that. Try to be non accusatory, it's easier for parents to understand you when they don't feel attacked. The issue isn't what she's doing, it's what you need..it's a subtle yet important difference.

The other way of getting what you want..which is less stress... is sometimes to change those goals a bit. It's not ideal, but sometimes a compromise works better than nothing, getting half of what you want is better than nothing (which is what you have now). A lot of time, that means scaling back your expectations based not so much on your needs, but the other person's ability to meet them. Your family is really dysfunctional, there's a lot going on there that's not good and gets in the way..so you might need to scale things back a bit. As an FYI, what I've found is that a lot of depression is caused by a refusal to accept the reality of parental limitations...people just want, and in the absence of getting, they fall into despair...rather than acknowledge their parents limitations and coping better with them.

Lastly..and I'm being serious here...remember that childhood isn't forever, this will end, and you'll move on and live your own life with people who are better for you. Until then, it's a great idea to prepare for that, to have an exit strategy to leave in a good way. It gives you something positive to work on (that you actually have some control over) and gives hope.

PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
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