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Ella.x Offline
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fear of stopping - March 21st 2012, 11:19 PM

So, today my therapist asked me if we could come up with a date that I will throw away my blades and stuff that I self harm with. I completely panicked and couldn't give her a date. I even went as far as to tell her that I don't want to stop self harming, I just want to sort my head out. I really really want to be able to turn my back on self harm, but the thought of not having it as an option is so terrifying. I was on the verge of a panic attack from my therapist just mentioning that I might throw away my blades. I've been doing it for 7 years and I know that I'm scared because it's the only thing I know and it works.
My question is, how do I stop the fear? I know I need to throw away my blades in order to start moving on, but at the moment even the thought of that is giving me panic attacks. I'm getting really angry at myself because by not being able to make any progress with stopping my self harm, I'm making it seem like I don't want to and I'm scared that they'll cut off my therapy and stuff if I can't commit to it. I just need to know how to stop being so scared of throwing away my stupid razors. Can anyone help?
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Solivagant Offline
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Re: fear of stopping - March 22nd 2012, 03:11 PM

Hey Ella

I can understand where you're coming from. Throwing away your blades is a BIG step. Especially because it is something you've depended on for so long and the thought of not having it during the tough times can be scary. But that doesn't change the fact that we must throw them away.

Have you discussed about alternatives and coping techniques with your therapist? If not, then please do that as soon as possible. Having an alternative at hand can give you the confidence for throwing them away. When you have the urges, talk to someone. Any friends, family, your therapist or a hotline. Distract yourself. You've been around on the site for a long time so I am guessing that you know about the alternatives thread. Even if you do, please go though them once again. It keeps getting additions and you might find some alternative that works for you.

There will be some time during the day when you feel particularly positive about stopping and feel like throwing away the blades. Prepare yourself mentally beforehand for it. Tell yourself that when you feel like that, you must act on it and throw them away. Or instruct someone else to do it for you.

I hope that this helps
Please don't hesitate to PM/VM me if you want to talk.
Take care and stay strong

You can do this. Believe in you, in your strength. <3

"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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Re: fear of stopping - March 23rd 2012, 04:46 PM

What if you compromise? Throw out some of your "tools" and don't add anymore. Everyday you have a great day you throw out another.

You could also make rules for being able to go into the "toolbox". Like trying at least 2 coping techniques from the alternatives thread.

It's great that your getting help. Keep it up remember it can't rain forever.
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