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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Tigereyes Offline
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My Friend... and other things I guess :/ - March 22nd 2012, 10:32 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I just found out recently that one of my good friends was sent back to a help center (she just got back and she was there because of an eating disorder). The reason she was sent back is for cutting. I felt so bad for her. I'm also really mad at myself for not realizing she was depressed until she got back last week and I was a lot of braclets and some scars showing through between (apparently she's been depressed for years). How could I have been so stupid as to not realize earlier? I'm usually really good with picking out all the people suffering from depression and know which people self harm even if they haven't told anyone. And considering I've cut before (I stopped though) I feel really weird about the fact that she's going back to that place and I'm at my house living a "normal" life. I'm really worried about her and I have been for a while. She's being held back a grade, and her parents separated less than a year ago. Before she got sent to the hospital and later various help centers, I was the only one who noticed that she was eating less and less and after her not listening to my warnings, I told someone so that they could tell her parents before my friend got seriously ill. Her parents didn't listen and just yelled at her for not eating so my friend would pretend to eat. Then she got sick again (she's had the eating disorder since 5th grade too). I don't know what to do. I feel so terrible, like somehow i should have prevented this. How could I be so blind? Plus I'm afraid when my mom finds out about my friend cutting, she will mention it to me and might bring up the text message she saw over a year ago about me WANTING to hurt myself. She freaked out over that but did nothing. Probably because we can't afford to.

And she's not the only one of my friends that's having trouble right now. Almost half of my friends self harm (that I know of) and one of my other friends has strongly considered it multiple times. I have another friend that's in the hospital and was suicidal. One of my best friends who also hurts herself has been having issues with her parents about being bisexual and I get the feeling her girlfriend broke up with her again, although she didn't tell me that. There's a lot more things too and my grades have been suffering from so much stress and worrying so much about all my friends. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I just don't know what to do or what to think.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
   
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Re: My Friend... and other things I guess :/ - March 23rd 2012, 04:31 PM

Wow... thats alot to take.

It's great that you have so much love and concern for your friends; it's not something you see often.

I understand that you want to help them, but are truly capable of helping them? To answer that question you must ask yourself why you want to help them? Is it 100% love/concern or is part of it a hero complex?

If it is love/concern. Then ask your self how deep into their pain are you willing to travel? All the way or just enough to satisfy a curiosity? Also keep in mind that it is far worse to start helping and leave then never having started to help.

If you wanna go all the way, what will you do when you get there? Do you have a plan for addressing the problem and are you able to provide coping techniques that will work for your friend.

To be able to provide your friend a plan and coping techniques, you must first have them. Someone who SH is still trying to figure out how to cope thus is not ready to help someone else.

Let us also remember that in order to help someone they need to want help too. Do they want help?

So what CAN you do for your friend? Support them. Ask them how its going. Ask if they wanna hang out. Let them vent & distract them.If they have a friend that does this for them. Then they have a reason to live.

Develop your friends goals and ambitions. College, Careers, Business even Rockstar dreams count If they have these they will have a reason to move forward. Once they move forward they can look back and think how silly hey were to let something slow them down.

As far as yourself keep your chin up and don't spread your self too thin helping friends. Its a great distraction from your own problems, but if you're not careful you may end up holding your friends back from getting better.
   
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Re: My Friend... and other things I guess :/ - April 1st 2012, 04:31 AM

To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm capable of helping her or not, but I'm willing to do what I can to help her. I want to help her because I am very concerned about her and I want her to get better. I don't care about being recognized or being a "hero". In truth, I'd rather not be recognized as a hero. I just want my friend to be happy and live a somewhat normal life. I want her to be okay again because she deserves nothing less.

Also, it's really hard to give her any support or help her in any way right now because I don't see her. She's in a mental health institute so I don't have any communication with her, and the place she was before was a muchh nicer place. But it's my fault she's there. If I hadn't been so blind, I could have prevented this, at least to some extent. She's been to several institutes now, and the one she just went to a few days ago is "her last straw" according to everyone. If she doesn't recover this time then....I honestly don't know what would happen.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
   
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