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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Ellie
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Join Date: February 23rd 2012

scars are my battle wounds . - April 3rd 2012, 12:00 AM

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I cant bealive i just went 23 days without it .
how could i just give in ?
what is wrong with me ?
i should change my name to - ToCarveLoveInHerArms .
because i just did .
my day is now ruined . how could i do this ?
am i not strong enough ?
why should i even be alive ?
does anyone even read these , or am i just typing to myself ..? /:
somebody .. tell me its not over ..
do i have enough strength to keep going ?
Should i tell my shrink ? Because she may tell my parents .. and since im 12 years old , they would get angry and upset .
please help ..?
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Re: scars are my battle wounds . - April 3rd 2012, 05:25 AM


I was looking through and I couldn't just ignore this =\...... even though it is like 4:25 am over here xD ! haha but heck I couldn't sleep anyways ^ ^

Now I am no expert but if I may I would like too give you my view on all of this ?. It's up too you what you think about what I say. I'll be cool either way no biggie =D

Firstly it sucks to hear this man =( But I too understand HOW it sometimes gets the better of all of us no matter how hard we try.

But IT'S NOT OVER AND IT NEVER WILL BE and you are a VERY strong individual and NEVER ever forget that because you was strong enough too type that and ask for help and not bottle everything up like I did.

Haha if I may I will tell you a little bit about my personal experiences...

I have been suffering for about 2 years and slowly but surely it had progressively grew and grew. I have cut and I'm not ashamed because the past is in the past and I see that now and I can't stop or change that. But unlike you I wasn't strong enough. All I used too do is bottle it all up and tell no one and act like everything was okay because hey I mean all the other kids are out there having fun and there's nothing wrong with them.

Like I say I let it grow and grow and wasn't strong enough to go seek help instead I just let it mutilate and the thing with this is that it rips you apart from the insides first and there is no tell tale signs.

I do know of ToWriteLoveOnHerArm ( even though I am from the UK ) and that of the services they provide because I have a friend who suffers as well and well she has hmmm lets say done some very VERY stupid things and TWLOHA have helped her and in my eyes saved her and I can't thank them enough because over wise I may not of ever found her. In light of this I have brought the dog tag and wristband that TWLOHA sell on there online store and you may think ' Huh whyyyyyyy ? ' And that's a good question. The reason I brought the stuff and why I wear the dog tag like all the time is because it gives me a visual physical representation and when ever I am down and out I just look at it and realise I AM NOT ALONE and just like this website there are people out there too help me.

If I could turn back time ( haha is it just me or when ever I hear or see them words I instantly start hymning and thinking about the Cher song xD!........* awkward silence * haha just me then =3 ) I wish I would of gone and got help at the start =( because being all alone and suffering is one of the worst feelings in the world in my opinion. And now all I am left with is an arm with scars which are probably going to stay with me for the rest of my life just like my tattoos.

I know that everyone is different and has different ways of coping but may I make a suggestion ? next time you feel down and out and want too cut try putting in some ear phones and just stick some of your favourite music on and whack the volume up and just start Air Guitar or Air Drumming or Air Whatever too the beat? I have only recently started to do this but I find rocking out too Bon Jovi - It's my life or maybe a bit of Guns n' Roses - Paradise city does the trick haha it may or may not help but it sometimes takes my mind of things and lets me freely think about things for a moment and put them into perspective ^ ^ instead of being in a dark negative way of thinking or if anything else makes me a bit deaf for about a minute =P and takes my mind completely off things xD ! haha

I am kind of in the same boat in one aspect because as I am unsure what my parents will make of all of this as they do not know yet.

But if I was you and only being 12 years old ( no offence ) I would tell your shrink first as she is a professional and knows what too do and handle these kind of things and then maybe your shrink will gently break the news to your parents instead of you having too which will be a lot LOT easier. And now I don't know your parents but I pretty sure they won't be angry with you at ALL ! The sooner they know the sooner they can help like I say I wish I told mine at the beginning because then maybe I wouldn't be so much in this mess.

In conclusion in my opinion .

You are STRONG never ever forget that and you have done the right thing in seeking help and you should be SO SO proud of your self for that =D ! haha I bet not many 12 year old would even have the courage too do what you have done and take the first steps =) ! so don't beat yourself up too hard okay ? ^ ^

And please don't do what I did and keep it all bottled up and end up like I have because it's not a nice place for anyone =\ ....... I was my own worst enemy.

Hope any of this helps ! =D

And good luck Emma =)

Peace out & I hope you have a Rock n' Rolling day >=D

Danny ^^

In the famous words of Bon Jovi- Keep The Faith
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