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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Name: Olivia
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Can't stop - April 4th 2012, 04:20 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been cleann from self harm for almost 2 weeks. But I need it..I crave it. All I want to do is drag the blade across my skin. and watch as I bleed and bleed.. and bleed to death hopefully. I just want to die. I can't describe the pain I'm expieriencing. I just want to die! why am i being put through this!? Just make it stop! Kill me..please.
   
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Re: Can't stop - April 4th 2012, 09:25 PM

Hey =) ,

This reminded me so so much of me that I thought I would comment.

Firstly WELL DONE for being clean for almost 2 weeks that is amazing news =D ! and you should be so proud of yourself ^^ . I remember when I stopped cutting and JUST how bad I really really wanted to pick up my blade and hack and slash my arm just to get that warm burning slightly stingy for a second sensation and then too watch the blood as it slowly trickled down my arm. Does that sound a bit familiar?

Haha I've had a pretty crappy down day today =\ I feel so stressed and just plain tired of everything you know? and I could so easily right now pick my blade up and cut.......but I'm not going too know why ? .

Because I have a CHOICE just like you DO !. And I don't want too ruin all of my hard work so far and neither should you.

I mean lets look at it realistically for a minute.

What do you get out of cutting ?

Positives - ( or so we like too think )
Realises some of the pain and hurt inside

Gives you a very short momentarily buzz/fix


Negatives
Your left with a scar which could stay with you for the rest of your life

Moments after you cut you regret it and now you'd wish you'd never done it

Pretty soon after you cut the next time you cut it won't be as satisfying and then you will crave and crave a bigger buzz/fix which could lead to very dangerous actions and then what happens when you can't fulfil this new craving?

I realise now that cutting is just a short term solution to what we are thinking at the time and the quick and easy option out because it causes our mind too then forget about what we were thinking about before and what was making us sad or angry and now its concentrating on what you have just done and all the emotions that follows ...... brief satisfaction -----> regret -----> anger -----> depression.

I'm not going to lie it is a very vicious cycle and I think you already know that.

And as for the wanting too die bit I can sympathise with you there because I too once upon a time wished that upon myself =( heck I used to pray that when I went to sleep I hoped that I didn't wake up but then it hit me...... What the hell am I saying/thinking !

So I made a list one night of things I like / I want too do before I die / And what I would miss the most.

It was very straight forward but if I may I will give you a few examples :

I like
Watching the sun rise.... haha I know its lame but hey ! =)
The smell of fresh baked bread ^^
Mango ice tea ! =3 God I swear that stuff is magic in a bottle =$

I want too do before I die
Go skydiving ( even though I don't see the point of jumping out a perfectly good plane xD ! haha )

Own a old school black Mustang >=) ......one day I swear I've already started saving the pennies in the jar for that little sucker =D !

Learn electric guitar

What I would miss the most
Even though they do my head in some times my family =')

Rocking out too Bon Jovi =( that would suck pretty bad for me =\

Ben & Jerrys Baked Alaska !!!!! BHAAAAA How could I forget THAT ! O.O * falls off chair *

It's not going to be easy =\ because if it was easy then no one in the world would suffer with this. But at the end of the day you have the choice I mean no one is forcing you and YOU are STRONG enough too beat this because I believe in you even though this is the first time I've met you but you've proven already you can do it I mean you say you've nearly done 2 weeks and that is totally awesome news ^ ^ High 5 me *.

Just a suggestion but maybe write down a list of things you like? just like I did yadda yadda =) and if your stuck just think of the basic questions :


I mean tell ME your :

Favourite food
Favourite music artist
Favourite smell

Your ambitions and goals in life

And finally I've saved the best till last =D ......* drum roll please *....Your favourite Pokemon ^ ^ .....oooooooh come on don't give me THAT look * roll eyes * we all have a favourite Pokemon DONT LIE I don't care who you are =P ....... and for the record mine has too be Charizard I mean come on man I DARE you too find me someone who doesn't like Charizard =D

Joking aside...... Your what 15? You have your whole life in front of you man !!!!

Think about your first driving lesson / The buying of your first alcoholic drink legally may I add * wink wink nudge nudge * / Passing your driving test ! Just think how happy you will be =) !

Like I say I've had a pretty crappy day today and maybe hopefully that is all you are having =\ but writing this has actually kind of cheered me up ! =).....weirdly

And if things get really bad and the urge is unbearable maybe try going out for a walk and clearing your head that's what I do I find it therapeutic at times and it just allows me too put things into perspective no distractions just me and the whole wide world in front of me as I stand back and watch it unfold as life goes on.

Hope any of this helps you and if you have any questions feel free to fire away

Good Luck

All you have too do is keep positive ! you've already done the hard bit just keep it up ! ^ ^

Peace Out

Danny ^^
   
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