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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
CenturyBreak Offline
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How to tell my parents - April 6th 2012, 05:40 PM

I have been cutting for around a week now and I am wondering if it is best to tell my parents about it (and indeed if I should even tell them).
I don't have the best of relationships with either of them (especially my Dad) and whilst I understand that telling them will make it easier to get help in stopping cutting, I'm worried it is probably going to make them mad and stressed at the same time resulting in no step further and maybe more cutting.

I was just wondering if there is anyone experienced in what to do when telling your parents and how to go about doing it and how to tell them.

Many thanks
Harry x.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How to tell my parents - April 6th 2012, 06:07 PM

I think you should tell your parents, for the reason you mentioned, as well as the fact that they will find out at some point so its better if you tell them yourself instead of them finding out another way. I'm not going to lie to you-it will upset them, but it will upset them more if you tell them when you have been cutting for a year...its better to nip it in the bud now and get it sorted before things get worse, trust me

as for how to go about it, I suggest writing it down and leaving the note somewhere for them to find, because that way it gives them time to think over their response and calm down before talking to you about it which makes the whole situation easier. Either that or you could just sit them down and tell them. Best of luck x


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How to tell my parents - April 6th 2012, 06:11 PM

Hi there Harry,

I think it's a really good idea to tell your parents- they'll be able to provide valuable support, and you don't deserve to go through this alone!

Although I've never personally told to my parents about SH (they found out another way), I think it's better to tell them before they find out by other means. My parents were extremely annoyed and upset that I'd kept it a secret, and not trusted them enough to tell them. In my honest opinion, I think telling them face to face, quickly, before you can change your mind, is probably the best thing you can do. Find a time when they aren't stressed out, and when everyone is calm and relaxed, then just ask to speak to them. Say you have a problem you're really worried about, and let them know how hard you're finding things at the minute. They might already have realized something is up because of the way you've been acting- but then again, my parents didn't. If you can't face (pun intended ) talking to them face to face, you could write a note, email or letter explaining everything. Sometimes it's easier to sort through your feelings and make sure you've said everything you need to when you write everything down.

I'm going to send you a link to the alternatives thread. There's some really good distractions in there- read through them, and pick a few, and then the next time you feel the urge to SH, do your chosen distraction(s). Not all of them will work for you (everyone's different after all) but find one that does and stick to it. My favorite is the butterfly project; drawing a butterfly where you normally cut and name it after a loved one, if you cut you kill the butterfly, if you let it fade naturally you've let it fade away and it survives. I found that really helpful. I also used to get coloured pens and draw all over my body, so that when I wanted to SH and looked at my skin, all I could see were happy pictures and colours. Those techniques were my favorite, but there's loads more for you to try. http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

It's good you are considering your options though, and I'm glad you've reached out for help and admitted there's a problem. That's a massive thing and takes a lot of courage- you should be proud; I know I am! Remember that I'm always here if you need someone to talk to!

Good luck Harry!

-Laura



Take as long as you need.

Last edited by Kindred; April 6th 2012 at 06:22 PM. Reason: Spelling. As usual xD
   
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Re: How to tell my parents - April 6th 2012, 06:31 PM

Harry, if you can stop cutting on your own, then there's no need to tell them. So, if you can just stop the behavior then you'd be taking care of it on your own, so there'd be nothing to tell them. Try to figure out why you've begun to cut, and then address that within yourself and see if you can't fix this on your own.

If you cannot, then you just have to get to a doc, this isn't good behavior, it's very dangerous. The 'Best' way of addressing this with parents is to talk about the feelings..the reasons..why you're unhappy and you've resorted to cutting. The cutting is a symptom of a much deeper set of problems, and if you talk more about them, it's easier..for them to understand..b/c the issue are your feelings (which they can't really dismiss or debate or get angry with you), unlike a behavior (cutting), which often provokes a different reaction from parents.

Think about why you do this, try to address it yourself. If that doesn't work, talk with them, and share the deeper feelings and issues that lead to the cutting.


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Re: How to tell my parents - April 6th 2012, 06:32 PM

I have never been close with my parents and it wasn't easy when they found out. I do encourage you do tell before they find out from other ways. Although I didnt experience with my parents by telling but telling my youth pastor who is like a father figure was super hard. I had to practice how I would say it or come up with a way the conversation might go so I would be prepared. Well I ended up chickening out and wrote him a letter and it was so much easier. After he read it we talked for several hours on how to deal with it and he helped me get help from a professional. If you want ideas on how to write a letter message me and I can help you.

Until you do tell, I would try using some of the things on the list of alternatives in the thread that was posted above. They are helpful. It's helpful to start using them before it becomes a bigger problem and you start hurting yourself more often. I am glad that you are looking for help so early on! That is super good and I hope you get help and support from your parents!
   
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Re: How to tell my parents - April 6th 2012, 08:21 PM

Thanks for the replies everyone, really appreciate it.
I will look at the alternatives to cutting to see if that helps and I think I might write my parents a note about it all as it is the easiest way to do it.
Thanks again for all the replies
Harry xx
   
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