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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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SusieGoo Offline
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My best friend - April 9th 2012, 12:10 PM

My best friend self harms, she cuts her wrists. I don't understand it, I am trying to help but find it incredibly difficult. She started about 4 years ago, and hasn't done it since up until the last year.
Without trying to offend; I don't understand self harming and why people would do it. Which makes it even harder to help her. She says she is seeing someone and i thought that had helped, but i spotted her wrist the other day and there were more.
She says she does it because it 'takes away pain'. I am aware many people do it, so if anyone can tell me how to help her? 'Cause its been 4 years..
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Re: My best friend - April 9th 2012, 01:54 PM

Hey there,

I can't explain why she does it, that's something you two will have to talk about. Have you asked her if it's any one thing which is causing her to hurt herself? In other words, what is triggering her to do this. It could be anything from anger, family problems, depression. I honestly think you need to talk to her about why, everyone does it for different reasons.
As for how you can help her, simply offer your support. Perhaps point her in the direction of TeenHelp if you feel it could help her. Just saying that you'll be around any time that she needs to talk could help her! You could work through a list of alternatives and hotlines that she could call when she's struggling, and go through any first aid information that could help her. Encourage her to speak to a professional or someone else who can help more, she is not your responsibility and it's unfair on you to bare the burden. You could go with her to speak to someone, a counsellor, doctor, even a teacher or parent. Just don't go through this alone. :]

Always here if you need to talk. [:
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Tigereyes Offline
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Re: My best friend - April 9th 2012, 10:57 PM

I used to be in this same situation, and it is impossible for someone who has never self-harmed to completely understand. My best friend told me about it almost 2 years ago, and I thought I understood, but only after I ended up resorting to that a few months ago did I truly understand.

People hurt themselves for many different reasons. Some common reasons are guilt, feeling the pain is better than feeling numb, punishment, feeling like it's the one thing they can control, etc. When your friend said cutting "takes away the pain" that could actually mean several different things so, as Holly said, talk to your friend about why she cuts.

Also, inflicting physical pain actually can make you feel better. When a person gets injured, your body sends signals to your brain which causes you to feel pain. Your body creates "pain killers" to make your injury feel a little bit better, even if you can't always tell. These pain killers will often make a person who self harms feel better because they take away some of the emotional pain as well. So in a way, it's like a pain medication.

"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
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Katherine96 Offline
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Re: My best friend - April 10th 2012, 06:57 PM

I was also in the same position as you a couple of years ago when my best friend self harmed and I didnt really understand it. The best thing you can do is to make sure that your friend knows you are there for her and that she can speak to you any time. As a self harmer myself (and I will say I DIDNT start self harming because my friend did it) I can say that it is extremely difficult to talk about it, so don't get upset if you try to talk to her but she pushes you away. I think the other replies have summed up why people self harm; there's many different reasons and it all depends on the person. And don't force her into telling you anything, make sure she has space
Always here if you need me <3
Katherine xx

"it's always okay in the end; if it's not okay then its not the end"
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