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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Unhappy It's My Anger, It's My Scars, It's Who I Have Become - April 16th 2012, 04:38 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I guess this is a rant because I haven't been on in a while and I need to let this out.
I find that when I am angry I really want to cut myself. I think I have anger issues and now sometimes I hurt myself intentionally instead of cutting. I hit my head on walls and bruise myself because wi know these won't leave scars, but to me it is knid of all ready to late. I used to not cut so deep. Just to make it sting. However now it has gotten deeper and I can see the scars on my arms, stomach, and thighs. I am embarressed to look at my body because of these hidious scars. When I look at my scars I am angered at what I have done and some how it makes me want to hurt myself. I is like a never ending circle that I can't seem to get out of.
I find that when I don't hurt myself I am mad at everyone else. To me when I hurt myself it is like a chill pill. I don't get mad easily and I don't feel so stressed all the time.
About two days ago I had a softball games and I slide into home base. My knee got completly scratched up. It was kind of a releif because it has been a dfew months since I have cut. The sight of the blood was kind of a reminder of what I can do and what will probably soon happen.
Not matter how hard I try to stop it seems to get worse.
I feel like a monster.
A fool who went down the wrong road.
Someone who has to live like this to survive.





We're all damaged in our own way. Nobody's perfect. I think we are all somewhat screwy, every single one of us.

~Johnny Depp
   
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Re: It's My Anger, It's My Scars, It's Who I Have Become - April 16th 2012, 02:51 PM

Hi there,

We self harm for a reason: it serves us a purpose. It acts as an outlet for negative emotions, like anger or guilt. That's why sometimes it's harder to deal with negative emotions without it. This means it's very difficult for us to just "stop"- we need something to replace that outlet, something that isn't dangerous. I'm going to send you a list of alternatives. Whenever you feel hurt or upset, try a few of the alternatives and distractions. I'm not saying it will be easy- it won't. But recovery is worth it, and you are worth recovery. You don't deserve to hurt, you deserve better.

It's always a good idea to tell somebody about self harm- it's dangerous, and difficult to stop alone. Obviously we can't make you do anything, but I can advise you. How about letting a close friend or relative know how you feel? They'll be able to help you through this very difficult time. If you don't feel you can talk to someone, how about writing a letter? I always think this is a good idea, because it gives both parties a chance to calm down and react calmly, instead of the person finding out about the SH expressing their shock as anger.

Yes, you did go down the wrong road. But that doesn't mean it's your fault. We all make mistakes. You deserve better than this, and I really hope you do try to tell someone. Just so you know- we care. We're here to help you, and if you ever need somebody I'm here

Best of luck,

-Laura



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