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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Solivagant Offline
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Its summer and I am super scared! - April 16th 2012, 11:42 AM

I am super scared about summer. I have scars over my arms. People will notice. I can't hide them. We have uniforms in school so I can't wear long sleeves or anything and I can't wear any jewellery to hide them either. I know for a fact that some of my friends will eventually see it no matter how much I try to hide them. This one friend of mine is as hairy as me and we have this joke where we tease each other whenever we get waxed, she knows very well that I didn't have any scars on my arms till last year. And she might guess how I got them. I don't want her to. Then there are others who know about my SH, if they see the scars, they'll ask questions and say things that I don't want to hear.

I tried to use make up but it didn't work out. What kind of make-up should I use?

I honestly don't know how to handle the situation when people notice. Help?!



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 16th 2012, 12:15 PM

Your not alone, Im facing the same thing . I have marks and its summers
the same fear creeped into my mind when i thought of it.
I have no idea how i hide it from my folks .
first of all try and confide it to your closest friend or sibling ,
second start using mederma , itll take time a few months but something is better than nothing.
take care and best of luck.
   
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 16th 2012, 12:48 PM

I have a similar problem where I have many scars on my arms. Anyways I am getting married next summer and I am afraid that they won't be faded enough by then and most of my friends and family don't even know about it. If you are going to use makeup you should try to find a type of cover up that matches the color of your skin or close to it. Also I have been using cocoa butter oil for the last few months and it takes some time but I have definitely noticed a difference. So maybe that is something worth trying. I am sorry I don't really know of anything else but I hope everything will work out for you!
   
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 16th 2012, 05:13 PM

This is a tough one, hun...


I think you're entitled to privacy (as long as you're in therapy addressing this!), so the short answer is to shrug it off as 'Oh, those', or 'Life...' and move on veeery smoothly.

Typically, people respond not only to what they see, but what they hear...specifically to your emotional reaction to the question. To you, it's a major life issue and a point of vulnerability. to them, it's ambiguous. Don't give them the reason to worry, and they won't...If you're cool, they will be, too.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 16th 2012, 05:53 PM

I am facing a similar problem. There have so far only been a couple of times when it has been absolutely definately way too hot for me to cover up all my scars. Usually people don't say anything, but when they do, depending on my relationship with them, I either say something along the lines of "oh, I did those when I was younger" or "what scars? *looks down dramatically* How did they get there?!?!" or "I had sex with a porcupine".
To be honest though, the best option is to either open up to the people who you are close to and get help if you're not already. When it comes to people who don't know you - you have no obligation to answer them, just shrug it off, if you act confident, they are less likely to even notice your scars.
   
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Solivagant Offline
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 16th 2012, 08:34 PM

Thank you for your responses
What should I do in a situation when the person already knows and just bugs me by saying things I don't wanna hear (probably like you shouldn't do it and blah blah) and asking questions (which are most of the times stupid)?

And I am applying ointments on them. But it will take time for them to fade. *sigh*



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 16th 2012, 08:37 PM

I got asked about scars on my legs once and I just replied that I didn't want to talk about them and changed the subject. If it is people you know but do not want knowing, they should respect what you want and not ask any questions. This also goes for people who do not know you.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 16th 2012, 08:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Childish Giggle View Post
Thank you for your responses
What should I do in a situation when the person already knows and just bugs me by saying things I don't wanna hear (probably like you shouldn't do it and blah blah) and asking questions (which are most of the times stupid)?

And I am applying ointments on them. But it will take time for them to fade. *sigh*
Tell them you are glad for their concern but that you do not want to talk about it and you understand the dangers of self harm and are working on stopping. If they continue to make comments or ask questions either walk away, tell them again you do not want to talk about it or change the subject.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 16th 2012, 09:16 PM

A way to make scars fade which works best for me is to put lemon juice on several times a day. Mine are almost invisible now But I'm not sure if that'll work because of your beautiful dark skin

Nobody's ever actually seen mine, and if they have, they've not said anything. Like, when I had fresh cuts we had a chemistry practical and we weren't allowed sleeves or bracelets or anything. I tried to keep my arm angled away, but somebody MUST have seen something. I'm pretty sure people won't ask unless they're close friends and they're worried, in which case you could probably tell them the truth. If they're not close friends, and it's pretty obvious your scars are from self harm, then just make up a stupid excuse, like the porcupine one, or "I was attacked by a polar bear." I like the polar bear one for you, especially as you live in India hahaha.

If they're not obviously from SH, you can try an excuse.

If people keep asking awkward questions and they KNOW it's self harm, just tell them to stop. If it makesyou uncomfortable, don't speak to them, simple as

Love you!<3
   
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 17th 2012, 01:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Childish Giggle View Post
Thank you for your responses
What should I do in a situation when the person already knows and just bugs me by saying things I don't wanna hear (probably like you shouldn't do it and blah blah) and asking questions (which are most of the times stupid)?

And I am applying ointments on them. But it will take time for them to fade. *sigh*
Thanks for the concern, it's in the past, i'm working on it...and I also have a great online psychologist to fill in, he's just great.....please pass the garlic...what color nail polish did you say that was?... what time does the movie start..?


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 17th 2012, 04:17 PM

I love Dr.Bobby's way of "slyly changing the subject." haha. But everyone has suggested some great things to choose from.
If you would like to explain your scars to people or not, it's your choice. "I dont feel comfortable talking about this." and then change the subject.
If they dont respect that, then they dont deserve to know anyway.
Hope this helped!


   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
Solivagant Offline
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 18th 2012, 08:49 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by asthenophobia. View Post
But I'm not sure if that'll work because of your beautiful dark skin

I like the polar bear one for you, especially as you live in India hahaha.

If people keep asking awkward questions and they KNOW it's self harm, just tell them to stop. If it makesyou uncomfortable, don't speak to them, simple as

Love you!<3
Thank you gorgeous.

Love you more <3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr.Bobby View Post
Thanks for the concern, it's in the past, i'm working on it...and I also have a great online psychologist to fill in, he's just great.....please pass the garlic...what color nail polish did you say that was?... what time does the movie start..?
Baha That is super awesome!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
A friend did notice some scars today. And she was like, "Oh Gosh how did you get those? That looks like it hurt since you see your skin was broken too much ( ) and that soft thing came up and blah blah blah" . To which I replied, they are old, I got them as a kid. How? I don't know. Come to think of it, it is kinda true. I got scarred as a kid, and I am still trying to figure out how

But it hurts that I can't tell my bestest friends about it. I wish I had someone to talk to about it. It would help when I have urges and could just call someone up.



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Last edited by Solivagant; April 18th 2012 at 08:54 PM.
   
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Re: Its summer and I am super scared! - April 18th 2012, 10:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Childish Giggle View Post
But it hurts that I can't tell my bestest friends about it. I wish I had someone to talk to about it. It would help when I have urges and could just call someone up.
I think there's value in boundaries. Those are the unspoken "Rules" which govern social interactions, they're the expectations we all have and assume based on roles and such. And although I get why you'd like to share these things, I also see great value in not: Its important to rely on your doc and yourself to sort these issues out, and to recognize the purpose of friendship, which is fun and support..but not treatment. They aren't really equipped at this point to really know what to do or how to react to this stuff.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.

Last edited by Riddikulus; April 18th 2013 at 04:50 PM.
   
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