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stood up to creepy man with personality disorder, but i'm still scared... - February 27th 2014, 11:25 PM

I work on campus in a computer lab for students with disabilities, and really enjoy working with the students. But there is this one man with a personality disorder (at least twice my age, maybe more) who comes into the lab occasionally, and he is overly-friendly with me, and it makes me uncomfortable. He sits close to me and touches my shoulder and shakes my hand. I've been trying to maintain a distance by using as few words as possible when talking to him and try not to make eye contact with him, but that does not deter him. In the past, he's emailed me a few times, but i kept things professional. In his emails, he would call me honey, thank me for not forgetting him and showing him "affection". He also said that he realizes that " [he] is just an acquaintance to me, but that [he] hopes we can be close friends in time." He has given me gifts that i have refused to accept, but he did not let me give it back to him.

i finally stood up to him today....and he got soo mad! I told him he was making me uncomfortable and he got really angry. He actually accused me of being the instigator, because I hugged him back twice when i first started working with him. He also said that his gifts did not mean anything, he was just doing it to be nice. He would interrupt me while I was helping others to try to continue to talk to me. My boss told me to take a break, so i went outside to get some air...some of the students came to join me and told me i did a good job. I guess he followed me outside and kept trying to talk to me. He still won't leave me alone. When i went back, he was in the room too and tried to talk to me again. My supervisor has reported him so now he has to stay away from me. I kinda feel bad for the way i treated him, but at the same time, i'm a little more scared now. His outburst was what i was afraid of.

I'm a little scared now. What should I do?
   
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Re: stood up to creepy man with personality disorder, but i'm still scared... - February 27th 2014, 11:41 PM

Hey, there, welcome to Teen Help!

First of all, do not feel bad for standing up for yourself! That is a big, scary step. Saying "stop" to someone, whether or not they have a disability, is huge. Be proud of yourself! You have set boundaries, which is good, because you manage the computer lab for people with disabilities and he is one of those that comes in to work. Your supervisor took care of it, and if he continues to harrass you, your supervisor knows about this. If you want, you can tell your supervisor about all the things he has done that make you uncomfortable and overstepped the boundaries. Maybe he will forbid that person from coming into the computer lab, period.

Don't feel bad if that happens. It isn't your fault! He isn't mentally capable of handling situations or understanding what boundaries mean. We don't know, we can't have the answer to everything. But that doesn't excuse his behaviour.
   
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Re: stood up to creepy man with personality disorder, but i'm still scared... - March 7th 2014, 02:56 PM

Hey

I just wanted to say, well done on standing up to this guy. I can understand 100% where you're coming from. A guy from a group for disabled adults my mum works for became kind of obsessed with me since I was about 13/14. He had my number (my fault, it seemed like a harmless idea at the time) so would text and call all the time. When I was at a meeting with this group he stared at me the entire time, stared at my chest when talking to me, stroked my face and arms, and tried to kiss me many times.
I didn't stand up to him and can't be a part of that group anymore, at least until he leaves.

So well done! I'm really proud of you for taking this step. I know how scary it is and how easy it can be to say "Oh well he doesn't understand what he's doing!" But that doesn't matter. No one has the right to make you feel uncomfortable and nothing changes just because this person has a disability. If they aren't told that what they are doing is wrong, they will continue, and more people will be hurt or upset by their actions. Perhaps it's not their fault that they don't realise, but if no one tells them they will continue to think it's alright.

Definitely speak to your supervisor again if you're feeling intimidated by this guy, it sounds like you have someone willing to fight your corner there. Don't back down, and don't be afraid to say no. Be honest and don't use his disability as an excuse for him to make you feel uncomfortable.

PM me if you ever need anything, you're definitely not alone.


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Re: stood up to creepy man with personality disorder, but i'm still scared... - March 8th 2014, 07:35 PM

How do you know exactly that he has a personality disorder? Did he mention it? If not, I'd just assume he's just condescending and excessively unaware. Most likely construing his behaviour in a different matter to in his eyes is just being friendly and glib. Don't be afraid to tell him to piss off. If the stalking goes beyond campus, call the cops or get one of your bigger friends to walk you to your door etc. But I doubt that'll happen.

I got a question; say this guy was good looking, charming and quite trendy - would you interpret this all in a different way?



   
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