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Kate* Offline
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I Hate My Life - February 2nd 2016, 06:47 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have Nonverbal Learning Disability, if you haven't heard of it here's a really broad, short list of symptoms.

http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/nld.htm

It's basically mild Asperger's meets multiple learning disabilities. Please don't tell me it's "just Asperger's or Autism" I don't believe they're the same thing and that's not what this is about.

It's what cost me my dream career as a counselor and my life pretty much snowballed from there. Aside from the soul crushing depression that set in, I'm basically unemployable and it's not from a lack of effort. I did manage to find a support group on Facebook and if other's lives are any indication, unless I aspire to life on disability or suicide, I'm screwed. Supposedly some people can "succeed" with this disorder, but that could mean being stuck in or being fired from entry level jobs forever. No one can tell me that I'm capable of more than that and nobody knows what to tell me. We have a high incidence of PhD's and a high incidence of suicide. The only advice I was given by a professor who offered to help me was a PhD. in Experimental Psychology. I'm not convinced I have a snowball's chance in Hell at getting in and as good as I am at research, I don't think I could devote the rest of my life to it.

I just feel like I'm never going to amount to anything, the outlook for this disorder is extremely bleak and I don't really see a point anymore. This thing ruined my life, the counseling faculty said they wanted me to succeed, but not everyone gets a happy ending.


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Re: I Hate My Life - February 4th 2016, 09:54 PM

Hey there Katie. I've been reading up on NLD. I can't say I fully understand it, as it seems to have many layers and many different levels of severity. However, what I've gathered is that people with NLD tend to be very kind and loyal people. Do you feel like you are like that? If you wanted to be a counselor, I can assume you are interested in how others feel.

Why is it you can't become a counselor? I know several people who have become counselors or psychologists or psychiatrists who have Aspergers (which I understand is a bit similar to NLD).

Researching online, I've found that many adults with NLD have found successful careers and found helpful coping methods and therapies. Many of them even became good at things they didn't think they could ever do. Such as being able to file reports only to become a supervisor then a manager within months despite having trouble with focusing on reading.

Obviously you know your diagnosis and what you are capable of. However, perhaps it's not as bleak as you think? Do you have any hobbies? Perhaps you could try jewelry making and selling it online. Or writing (I know some people with NLD have trouble with writing, but not all do).

Also, there's nothing wrong with having disability. It doesn't mean you always will need it. Maybe you need it for a few years while you find something you can do. Or find something you enjoy. But it doesn't mean you'll always need it. I read several stories of people who had success stories once they hit their 30s because they finally found the right treatment and therapy.

I know I can't relate, because I don't have this disorder. I know I can't understand it either. But I am diagnosed Bipolar and I hate that many of my family and friends think it is what defines me. Yes, it greatly effects my life. It influences my choices and reactions and I struggle to hold a job because of it, but it isn't all who I am. I'm also someone who loves other people. I enjoy being around other people, even if they don't feel the same. I'm an animal lover. I want to be a mother one day. I'm a wife. I'm so many more things than my diagnosis. Yes, it's part of me. It's a huge part. But it's not all of me.

I'm sorry if I haven't been much help. I just felt the need to reply. I've seen so many people who have trouble functioning in society who have gone on to succeed or live wonderful lives that I just hate that you feel your future is pointless.

If you ever want to talk with me, feel free to message me. I'm always open to one-on-one.
   
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Re: I Hate My Life - February 4th 2016, 10:09 PM

I can't be a counselor because the way the disorder affects me prevents it and I was dismissed from my program and essentially blacklisted from the helping professions. I'm not allowed or able to provide direct care of any kind to people. It's actually really common for people with NLD to be forced out of the helping and service professions (counseling, psychology, social work, teaching, etc.)

Almost no professionals have heard of this and I've already been told that it's "not real because it's not in the DSM" Because it supposedly doesn't exist, there are very few if any treatments that actually work. We don't succeed in the entry level jobs which are the only things we're really qualified for so any established work history is just getting fired every 5 minutes and every story I can find the only success came after they gave up trying to work and just relied on the government. I don't want to be stuck in some crappy job I hate for the rest of my life because I'm too damaged to do anything else despite the fact that people told me I was smart.


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Re: I Hate My Life - February 4th 2016, 10:22 PM

Well that is awful. I'm very sorry to hear that!

I did come across that it isn't in the DSM. It is controversial, but I did see there are some therapies for it. Mostly social therapies or therapies for improving reading or math or whatever else may be the ailment.

I also only qualify for the entry level jobs due to not being able to sustain a steady job due to the Bipolar. It sucks. I did manage to hold a management job for 6 months this year, which was improvement. Longest job I held.

Definitely understand not wanting to be stuck in a crappy job you hate because of your illness. I'm right there with you on that. But there are jobs that people find that they didn't know they would enjoy. I have a friend who had trouble throughout high school and knew she wouldn't make it through college. She ended up taking a job where her mom worked and they both worked in the kitchen. She was there about a year when she decided she wanted to move to the front and work with the residents (nursing home). She just took her test to become a CNA. No college required. She never thought she would end up doing what she is, but she loves it.

There is still a chance you might find something you enjoy and are good with. Especially if you find a hobby. Trust me, I know that is a lot harder than I make it sound. I'm still searching for a hobby I enjoy. But I think it's important to have a hobby anyway.
   
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Re: I Hate My Life - February 9th 2016, 10:06 PM

I know someone with NLD.
I know that she is in the same position as you.
I am sorry you have to go through this because you are a really talented person and probably would do well as an online counselor (where you could email, call or Skype with your clients).
You have done well as an LHO which attests to you being able to help in an online capacity. Could you get a certificate that may allow you to do this?
I have read the website about NLD and it was very informative. I cannot say I can understand but I can say that I am willing to help with what I know about it/understand.


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Re: I Hate My Life - February 9th 2016, 10:51 PM

You can't preform or get paid for counseling services or identify as a counselor without a license and you can't be licensed without passing the in-person training which I can't.

It sucks because I know what I'm capable of and what I want to do and I can never do any of it. Under or unemployment rates are in the 90% range, no wonder the suicide rate is so high. Even if you can find a professional who's heard of it, the chances of therapies working in adulthood are slim. If I'm never going to get to do what I want and I'm going to fail at life and get blamed for it, what's the point. Not to mention I have the time commitment, amount of completed work, and debt of a full degree with no degree and was treated like complete crap by people who claimed my personality was the issue, but they could say whatever the hell they wanted to me and get my dream job at the same time.

People can tell me I'm capable and can "succeed" at anything all they want, I'm not believing it. I can want things I can never have and I can try for things I fail at, that's about it.


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Re: I Hate My Life - February 10th 2016, 08:18 AM

I don't have NLD but I do have bipolar disorder and it has prevented me from working. I currently rely on the government for assistance and it sucks. However, I have found that telling myself I am never going to succeed makes it happen because I get anxious about failing and I end up quitting.

You might not ever be able to become a therapist. I had to accept the fact that becoming a therapist will not happen for me. But, you can go out there and try and work and see what happens. There are jobs that might work for you. It might take time to find the right job but it can happen.

If you focus solely on the negative statistics then you aren't going to see the positive. There are so many negative statistics about people with bipolar not being able to maintain employment and not being able to complete college. I've focused so intently on those negative things that I haven't looked at the bigger picture. I'll find a job that works for me. I might go through employment for a while but then something will stick. I think the same thing can happen for you.

You have to hold on to hope that it will get better.


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