Blind

[punkchique]

I posted this in the grieving sections as well because I hadn't seen this one at first.

I didn't know where else to put this, so I'm sorry if its in the wrong place... I just don't know what to do.

I just found out today that my boyfriend has gone blind, here's the quick story:

He's off at school and while at a party someone spiked his drink with methanol, as a result he is almost completely blind. He's returning to the U.S. in a few days to recover.

When I heard this I was devastated, his friend sent me a facebook message explaining since he couldn't type. I didn't even know how to respond, what do you even say to something like that? He's so strong and independent I just know this is taking a toll on him. I just keep picturing him so helpless and it makes me cry.

I haven't talked to him yet because of long distance phone call issues, but he will be home in a few days and I plan on talking to him then.

I did a lot of google searching on methanol poisoning and it doesn't look good, he may never get his vision back, I'm so scared!

We're in a long distance relationship and I had planned a trip to visit him a few weeks from now but because of this he told me in the message to cancel my ticket because he's going to be in recovery. But I don't want to! I want to be with him, I don't even care if the only thing we do is sit around on his bed all day as long as I'm with him. I would stay with him as long as I could if it were possible if I didn't have to be in school.

How do I explain this to him? He's so strong willed he wouldn't want it to seem like I'm pitying him.

I don't even know what my real question is and I'm sorry my post is so disorganized. I'm just so confused and sad and angry that some sick person would do this.

[hannahgreenwood]

First of all, I am so incredibly sorry!! This is a tragedy and no one should ever have to go through this and no one should ever put someone through this! I can't believe someone would do that...it's pretty sick but unfortunately there's nothing you or anyone else can do to change the past.
#2. You need to explain to him that there is a fine line between pitying people and showing sympathy over someone's situation. Pity is when someone is given extra attention or nurturing purely because of the circumstance they are in. It's typically an excuse or false entitlement to something. Gosh, I feel like I'm explaining this wrong but basically is someone were to be a horrible person and then end up losing a loved one than people might pity them...they might give them more attention or money or affection or something just because of the loss of their loved one...it's a sign they only deserve it because of the loss but sympathy is DESERVED...it's when a good person or good friend or good citizen loses something important and everyone GENUINELY cares and smothers them with love, money, affection, gifts, music, surprise visits, parties, and more because they care and all they want to do is help that person know they deserve better than their current circumstances....it's NOT a sign of weakness...it's not the only reason you are visiting him and with him..you are with him because you GENUINELY like him...he needs to know that and you need to explain to him that the only reason you might end up doing some things that could be considered overly attentive are because he doesn't deserve to have to go through the pain of that stuff and because you love him and don't want him to suffer not because you don't think he CAN handle it but because you don't think he SHOULD.
#3. You sound like you are in shock and he probably is too and I really think you shouldn't feel guilty over this..you still sound a little put off and miserable and I understand that but don't blame yourself for his circumstances or unhappiness.
#4. Do try to contact him about seeing him and visiting him and everything! He needs to know that whether he was blind or not you were going to visit him and that you are and will be there for him and are in this through all the craziness that heads your way!
Finally, pm me and keep TH and me posted! I want to know how this goes and how he reacts to all of this!
Thanks!

[cypher]

The poisoning is awful but blindness isn't the end for anyone. I would encourage you to visit the National Federation of the Blind website.

to learn about their programs. They teach people about blindness, and how to live again after such an event.

Using a screen-reader may help him type and read your e-mail messages. There are free screen-readers available like NVDA and Orca.

My best friends are blind, and I am struggling with vision loss myself. There are so many things out there, so many resources, don't ever stop looking.

Let me know if you have any questions, especially about technology that can help. I am a literacy expert for people with print disabilities.

Best of Luck,

Cypher

[punkchique]

Thanks for responding guys, I really appreciate it. Its been pretty difficult for me dealing with this, and I can't even begin to imagine what he's going through. And it hurts even more that I haven't been able to talk to him yet. All I want to do is here is voice and let him know that I'm here for him, even though I can't be with him.
I'm literally worried sick about it, he could have died and it scares me so much!
My biggest fear is that I don't even know what to saw when I do talk to him in a couple days. He's never been one to talk about his emotions and I'm not the best at it either. All I wanna do is be with him right now, and it hurts me so much to think that he's going through something like this and I'm thousands of miles away.

[Maverick.]

I can't even imagine how upset you are feeling. I have a cousin who had become legally blind after he and some friends were playing with fireworks. So I can probably help you with your situation. Don't try to act any different. Be there, and support him. Write down things you want to tell him. In fact, write down your feelings in general. I can see you really have feelings for him, and this whole incident is really bringing you down. Don't let any of this affect your relationship. He just has something that is going to affect him for the rest of his life. Your job, is to be a support system. You guys have each other. That's all that matters. I hope things go well. Good luck.

[JKmadu619]

My question, why the hell would someone poison him? Secondly as little as 10ml (250ml is a cup.) can cause blindness. If it was mixed in with a drink (And he drank it all) he may never see, and should be lucky he is even alive.

Alot of people live blind, it will be hard, but I'm sure he can pull through it. I would start looking into seeing eye dogs ect, best of luck.

- Justin

[Total Light Storm]

Hi,

First of all, this is a dreadful thing to happen to someone and that person that did this to your boyfriend is very cruel and I can't even think of any words to describe the person, it's dreadful.
Anyways, I think you should let him know that you'll be there for him as he goes through recovery and getting support for his blindness. It won't be easy for either of you, but if you both reach out for support of family, friends and any other resources, things may be slightly easier.
I can add a little to what Cypher said because I myself am blind, NFB would be a great place to find resources, they have lots of programs and can get you connected with quite a few organizations for the blind.
The link to there site is:
http://www.nfb.org/nfb/default.asp
They also have a program on there site where you can get connected with a mentor to ask questions about blindness and get connected to resources. I think this section should be very helpful to you. The link to this part of the site is:
http://www.nfblink.org/
Also, about the screen readers, the free ones work pretty well, personally, I like NVDA, I've never looked at Orca though, so I can't say anything about it.
If you ever need anything, you can definitely PM me, I'll be more than glad to help you out, you guys don't have to go through this alone.
Blindness might seem like something limiting, but trust me, there are so many things that someone can do while blind just like a sighted person, try your best to encourage your boyfriend and let him know he'll be able to be a very independent person even though he's blind.
Take care and keep us updated.

[punkchique]

UPDATE:

You guys he;s getting better!!!
But he's not there yet... I talked to him a few days ago, it felt so good to hear his voice, but doctor's have tried this experimental treatment on him and its starting to work!! He doesn't have full vision, I think he just sees shadows, but he can function by himself now, things like cooking and taking care of his dad.
He doesn't know if it'll ever come back fully and it will be a long process but he's slowly getting better. And he sounded so good on the phone, he was ubeat and making jokes! I still may not get to see him though because he'll be back and forth between a bunch of different hospitals, but I'm just happy he;s okay!

Thank you guys for all of your support, you have no idea how much it means. I was a wreck this whole week and now I feel like I can finally breathe!!

[Maverick.]

Originally Posted by punkchique

UPDATE:

You guys he;s getting better!!!
But he's not there yet... I talked to him a few days ago, it felt so good to hear his voice, but doctor's have tried this experimental treatment on him and its starting to work!! He doesn't have full vision, I think he just sees shadows, but he can function by himself now, things like cooking and taking care of his dad.
He doesn't know if it'll ever come back fully and it will be a long process but he's slowly getting better. And he sounded so good on the phone, he was ubeat and making jokes! I still may not get to see him though because he'll be back and forth between a bunch of different hospitals, but I'm just happy he;s okay!

Thank you guys for all of your support, you have no idea how much it means. I was a wreck this whole week and now I feel like I can finally breathe!!

I am so happy to hear this update. I'm glad that the both of you are still close. I am proud of you for supporting him through this. I am also proud of you for not letting this get in the way of your relationship. You are very much welcome. Whenever you want to talk, we are here, and we would be glad to help. Thank you for keeping us updated.