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Addictive Behaviours Discuss and receive support for addictions not related to substance use, such as gambling, Internet, sex or work addictions, in this forum.

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Jeff XD Offline
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Unhappy Addicted to Fake Identities - April 22nd 2013, 12:31 AM

Hey guys,

It all started off years ago on a social networking/ gaming website called gaiaonline. Me and my friend both made one. as a joke. but eventually i became more serious about it and became really good "friends" with this one girl. I really felt connected to her, i really cared about her, and she felt the same way but to this character i made up. Basically i made up some life that is wish i had and kind of wrote a story. Eventually, i stopped playing but i gave her my number and we texted a lot. Recently, it's become less frequent and im hoping to kind of "fade out of" talking to her. Now that i realize what was wrong.

Over x-mas break.
I created a fake account on a social network called meetme. its sort of like facebook, but less private and more explicit i guess you could say. I worked to get fake pictures of the same person, and made sure that they looked "real", and that you couldnt track them back to a website with google image search by image.
Well its been over 4 months now. I've spent hours on there talking to people, getting attention, and making up a story about this life i want to live. I kept going on more and more until literally for the past 2 months i would spend my entire weekend on this website and talking to people. I got so much attention, and i felt so good. At times, i really believed i was this person. I made another account (now having one boy and one girl).Last week, i realized what i have done. i dont know why it took so long. I deleted the accounts, but im attached to these people i met. I text them all the time, and we are great "friends." I have a connection to them, i care for them, i worry about them, and when we fight it actually hurts.. like i am this person.
I need to stop. I wasted so much time. I neglected friends, family, and school. I took advantage of these people. Now i feel such an intense guilt, i lose my breath and i cry when i think about what i have done. I toyed with these people.
One week off of being the website there's 2 people i text still. that i have such an amazing "relationship" with. I want to stop, without hurting them. I know that if i randomly never reply they will be hurt. I don't want to tell them the truth... i can't hurt them.. anymore. I want them to believe that they had this amazing friend, but they just grew apart... i guess.
But when i delete this texting app that i talk to them on.. i get anxious, i feel nervous and empty. i think to my self "Now what do I do" because i spent so much of my time with these people. It really consumed so much of my time i forget what i used to do in my free time. i forget what i should do.... I dont know why, but i get so sad whenever i try to quit...Then i go back to them and im so happy.
I've been spending more time with my family, and texting my friends instead this past week also. trying to become happy with what i have.
In the end...
how do i stop this addiction of being fake? how do i become happy being just me? how can i stop talking to these people without hurting them?

I dont have an amazing home, school, and social life. It's kind of hectic, but I know there's other so much worse off than me..
I feel so low, and so worthless for what i have done.. it's incredibly sad I would love to talk to someone, like my dad, but i'd be so embarrassed and ashamed.
thanks to anyone who will just listen and give their advice.
   
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Re: Addicted to Fake Identities - April 22nd 2013, 04:40 AM

Oh gosh, this sounds just like me! When I was younger, I did this all the time. On different sites, and really liked the attention I got, even if it wasn't me. It just felt like me, like the attention was for me and not the person I was pretending to be, and that's why I would continue to do it. Being as quite and standoffish as I am, it was a way for me to be more out-going, because hey, it wasn't really me! I could be whoever I wanted to be! No one would know the real me who wasn't really that great!

I'm not sure I can help you to stop, but I wanted you to at least know that I'd done the same in the past and 'get it'. But, I just stopped altogether and left all the fake accounts behind / deleted them & stopped all contact (besides one who I will talk about below). Which is why I don't know if I can help, since you have relationships with people you don't want to hurt. I did too, but I thought it would better for "me" to just go away, and have them eventually forget. I'm still not happy with myself, but I've found that, I actually have been able to find people who like me for me! That it wasn't as hard to find people who like the things I like, what I talk about, etc.!

Can I ask, would you be open to using these sites as the real you? Do you have a Tumblr? I've found that to be one of the best sites to be real and find friends / people to talk to with common interests. Meeting people there has really helped me feel better about myself, even if I don't fully accept myself. They don't even have to know what you look like, if that too is a concern. I honestly think creating a new account, as the real you, and meeting people through yourself, will make you feel great. I did!

One more thing, if you were to come out truthfully to the people you still talk to, how do you think they would react? Knowing them, do you think there is a chance they would understand? Because while I did not do it except for once, I think that if you explained it all and came out truthful, you still could have a chance for these relationships to work. But, even if one or both react negative, at least you know you were truthful, and tried. From above, one person I came out in truth to, as we had a relationship like no other, and we became amazing friends, enough to call each other best friends, even though we never met. It worked out for the best. Maybe it could for you too!



"They can't scare me, if I scare them first."
   
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Re: Addicted to Fake Identities - April 22nd 2013, 09:15 PM

Wow! I know the exact feelings, the feelings of living a life that isn't your own and befriending people who aren't actually your friend but the person who you're making up.

I learnt this lesson the hard way. It's deceitful and mean, you're misleading these people, making them think you're this whole other person when you really aren't. There's a very good chance of these people saying "fuck off, don't ever talk to me again!" to you, depends on how much trust they've put into you and the length of time you've been friends.

I have a lovely story, it begins seven years ago. I went on this forum for my absolute favorite channel (and my favorite show was among one of the sections) at the time. I first introduced myself as "Bev" (only one person, she's a part-time TH member and my best friend, knows the real reason of why I chose to be "Bev") and it went to heck in a handbasket from there. Though it didn't become heck in a handbasket until two years later.

Then that site closed down and the spawn (who does not live up to the original site) began. I switched from "Bev" to "Becca". I'd been on that site for about six months when I changed the name. But the story remained the same.

This site, Teen Help, is the first site where I've been more truthful. Though here and there, my fingers have slipped one letter off to the right. But I always corrected myself.

Oh, and that spawn's moderators just CBA'd to run the site. Financial issues (duh, whaddya expect from the CW? It's a goner without Gossip Girl) and that stuff so people decided to set up a proboard-based forum.

I don't go on there for several reason. One, the bitch of my ex-best friend goes there. Two, "Bev", people still call me "Bev" rather than "Bec" or "Becki" and I forbid the three that know my real name from calling me by it.

I just couldn't handle the sneakiness. I'm not 20 (or 14, don't ask!) anymore. I want to start fresh.

But on Twitter, I've got my real name (First and middle, at least) labelled. On Facebook, my first and last for obvious reasons.

I'm done with living the life of a girl named "Bev". I should really thank KS for this.

One last thing, and I think it's entirely relevant. I met my best friend on fanfiction.net and I never told her my name at first. We've been speaking for about a month through PMs, talking about bad stories, our own stories, reviews, and our fandoms. We decided to move it over to hotmail in June (we met in May), and that's when I told her my real name. Nikki was actually the first person I was honest with right off the bat, no pretending to be "Bev" or "Becca" for a bit then coming clean about my name. I told her, "my name is Becki" and we've been friends three years in a few weeks.

I've never had an online friend for three years! Besides the fact that we have things in common and stuff, I'd say it's because I was honest.

The moral of this jibber-jabber: You need to be honest with people, tell them who you really are, stop with the deceit.
   
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Re: Addicted to Fake Identities - April 22nd 2013, 10:28 PM

Thank you guys,

Unfortunately, I was not able to completely tell them the truth. I just couldn't hurt them. Because of how much they did care for this fake identity I knew that they would be devastated. It would be like completely losing a friend, i guess. But i know i can't toy with these people anymore, and I was able to make up a reason not to talk for a while and I'm just going to go away and let them forget...
I don't know if it was the best solution, but I think it would be the least hurtful to them.
I know if i was truthful with them, they'd never talk to me again anyway and be very hurt.
Like i said, I deleted all these accounts and I'm just going to let these people forget. Thank you for responding, and I'm happy to hear stories from people that can relate
   
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Re: Addicted to Fake Identities - April 22nd 2013, 11:27 PM

Yeah, I've had to do that myself. It's really hard, it's like making yourself drop off the face of the Earth. But it'll get easier in time.

Of course, the memories of the good times won't fade, maybe you can archive the conversations and emails??
   
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Re: Addicted to Fake Identities - April 23rd 2013, 05:58 AM

I did something similar. I am Rose, but at one point I was 5 other people. Not just pseudonyms, but entire aliases. I was 2 boys and 3 girls. I would act different to everyone, giving each of them a unique personality. It was originally apart of a joke, to toy with some friends for a bit but it grew to a year long relationship full of lies. My only cure was time, which took approximately 3 years to recover from. I had begun to develop a split personality, which I still deal with today.

The important thing is, you were able to stop yourself from progressing by deleting the accounts. You are a very, very smart person for doing so. I for one, dragged on my falseness instead of deleting the accounts. All I can say is, it was the worst decision I have and ever will make. Trust me, over time you will thank yourself for deleting those accounts.
   
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Re: Addicted to Fake Identities - April 23rd 2013, 06:46 AM

I've never felt the need to make a profile.. ever. But people feel the need to make profiles using my photos. I can't even describe the awful awkward annoyed feeling that it gives me. On meetme, there is this girl who makes around 2-6 profiles with my photos EVERYDAY. I'll report her, send a salute photo to prove that i'm the real one, and meetme staff will delete them. But then, she makes more.. over and over and over and over and over. It's never ending. no joke, it's been EVERYDAY for 2 months straight. I don't even like checking my meetme anymore, because it's always plastered with messages of telling me that they saw a page with my photos. It irritates me that someone out there is out there possibility ruining my character and how i come accross to people. There should only be one YOU.. and you shouldn't hide it.. and you shouldn't hide behind anything. when you receive compliments on a fake page, they're complimenting the other person, NOT YOU. i just don't understand what people think they are gaining from it.. or how it helps your social life. you can make just as great and meaningful friendships online just by being YOU. there are always great opportunities somewhere..
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Re: Addicted to Fake Identities - April 24th 2013, 03:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dessykins View Post
I've never felt the need to make a profile.. ever. But people feel the need to make profiles using my photos. I can't even describe the awful awkward annoyed feeling that it gives me. On meetme, there is this girl who makes around 2-6 profiles with my photos EVERYDAY. I'll report her, send a salute photo to prove that i'm the real one, and meetme staff will delete them. But then, she makes more.. over and over and over and over and over. It's never ending. no joke, it's been EVERYDAY for 2 months straight. I don't even like checking my meetme anymore, because it's always plastered with messages of telling me that they saw a page with my photos. It irritates me that someone out there is out there possibility ruining my character and how i come accross to people. There should only be one YOU.. and you shouldn't hide it.. and you shouldn't hide behind anything. when you receive compliments on a fake page, they're complimenting the other person, NOT YOU. i just don't understand what people think they are gaining from it.. or how it helps your social life. you can make just as great and meaningful friendships online just by being YOU. there are always great opportunities somewhere..
It's very nice to hear what's its like to be on a different end of the situation.
I completely understand, and I never want to do it again
Thank youu
   
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Re: Addicted to Fake Identities - April 24th 2013, 03:36 AM

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Originally Posted by LostInMyLittleBox View Post
I did something similar. I am Rose, but at one point I was 5 other people. Not just pseudonyms, but entire aliases. I was 2 boys and 3 girls. I would act different to everyone, giving each of them a unique personality. It was originally apart of a joke, to toy with some friends for a bit but it grew to a year long relationship full of lies. My only cure was time, which took approximately 3 years to recover from. I had begun to develop a split personality, which I still deal with today.

The important thing is, you were able to stop yourself from progressing by deleting the accounts. You are a very, very smart person for doing so. I for one, dragged on my falseness instead of deleting the accounts. All I can say is, it was the worst decision I have and ever will make. Trust me, over time you will thank yourself for deleting those accounts.
Wow i couldn't even imagine. I'm happy that i was able to stop before it got even more out of hand.
   
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Re: Addicted to Fake Identities - April 24th 2013, 03:44 AM

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Originally Posted by Heavenly Bliss View Post
You need to be honest with people, tell them who you really are, stop with the deceit.
I just recently told 2 of the few people i had been talking to . Surprisingly, they were not even mad, and we have been texting. They were actually curious to learn more about me because they did like my personality. It's very relieving to have told them and have gotten it off my chest.
   
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