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Addictive Behaviours Discuss and receive support for addictions not related to substance use, such as gambling, Internet, sex or work addictions, in this forum.

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Unhappy Addicted to her pain - April 25th 2013, 08:38 PM

I just got back in touch with my "best friend" after basically telling her to fuck off a few months ago. She is a pathalogical liar and manipulates everyone. I've told her off twice so far, every time coming back to her because I fucking love her to death regardless of what she does to me and everyone around her. She says she's trying, and I've seen inklings of this. She just keeps slipping, as far as I know. She always apologizes, she says she's sorry, she says I'm her best friend, that she loves me, and I love her too. I love her so much. But I think deep down inside I know she's just using me just like she has everyone else before, including me. I don't want to let her go, and everytime I do let her go I come back because I miss her so much. I love her, and I love being her friend. I just end up hating her when she messes up, whenever she tells a little white lie, or leads me to believe something that was never true, even if it isn't important, I will give up because it makes me so angry and full of hurt. But I forget all of that in the following months and I end up forgiving her. It's like a constant spiral of drama and pain but it looks like I'm in this for life.
   
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Re: Addicted to her pain - April 25th 2013, 09:29 PM

If someone is doing more harm than good for you, it's best to drop them. If she keeps promising to change, but not doing it, then it's probably not going to happen, no matter what you do. It's a rough situation, but you've gotta put yourself first sometimes.



Sorry I couldn't be there, I was tied to a rocking chair.




   
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Re: Addicted to her pain - May 1st 2013, 06:09 PM

Hi there,

I can honestly say I know exactly what you're going through. I was in the exact same situation as you seem to be in now. I had a friend who lied to me about everything - big and small - and as much as it bothered me I loved her and our friendship too much to let it go. I wouldn't even allow myself to get mad at her caus a part of me was scared that if I allowed myself to tell her just how horrble it was then zi'd lose that friendship (and I really struggle to make new friends!) I ended up with the same problem, I started doubting every little irrelevant thing she said and it started to make me really upset.

What finally clicked for me was the realisation that, despite me speaking to her about her lies, she didn't care enough about our friendship to stop using me. By sticking around I was allowing myself to get more and more hurt by her lies and manipulation. It was the hardest thing I ever did but one day I just cut her off. Honestly, I was perhaps a bit harsh but I just told her that sorry obviously doesn't mean much to her because she keeps doing the same thing over and over again. Everytime I was tempted to apologise and tell her it was okay I thought about the cycle of behaviour I was getting into.

Our friendship fell apart for almost 6 months before one day she recontacted me. Turns out, it took me cutting off our friendship for her to TRULY understand the magnitude of what she was doing. We still aren't and maybe won't ever be as close as we were. I still love her and care for her, I just love and care for myself too. Sometimes, when a friendship does more harm than good its better for both people to go their seerate ways. I know its incredibly hard but I feel happier now than I did then.

I hope my experiences can offer you some sort of support.
   
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