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Butter Offline
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Red face I need to spread awareness of Dermatiliomania. - June 6th 2015, 05:58 AM


People call me Butter or Bratwurst, depending on how you know me. I've had a condition called Dermatiliomania for a little over a year now. I simply refer to it as Derma, as it's a pretty long word. It's a ocd/anxiety fueled obsession with having nice skin. Except we would rather bleed than have a small bump for 3 days.

I can kinda trace my derma back to a source. I remember seeing a picture on Twitter, captioned with something like "what ppl with acne wearing makeup look like". The picture was of a Cookies and Cream Crunch Bar, flipped upside down so it's rough random mountains of white chocolate on the back stuck straight up. I knew that pimples were bad, but now just completely colorless bumps? Have people been laughing at me for looking like a Cookies and Cream Crunch Bar?

I decided I was going to fix it.

I remember that the first part that I started picking on was my chest area below my neck but before my breasts. I popped every bump like a pimple, which would send up a little disgustingly satisfying white snake, the culprit of my bumpy skin. I felt good when I saw that. I felt cleaner. Even though my chest was red, blotchy and possibly bleeding, it was better than being a crunch bar. I did it everywhere. I had no control. I did it in earth science and people would stare. I was the girl who tore her skin off.

I can't remember what went next, but my face was the worst. The pores on my face are naturally big, and naturally triggering as a imperfection to me. My cheeks and nose had it the worst. Often I'd leave class to pick at my face. Often I had no skin on my nose and scabs all over my cheeks. People thought I had some kind of contagious disease. My attention was enough to send them into a fit of laughter.

I pick everywhere on my body that I can see. Shoulders? Yes. Arms? Yes. Chest? Yes. Breasts? Yes. Stomach? Feet? Wrists? Nipples? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I pay the price for that every day. People stare and laugh at me. I'm constantly worried about my skin. I got better and I'm learning to decrease the damage on my arms and chest, and my face is going really good.

It won't ever really go away I'm sure. But it rests over vacations from school. My goal this year is to let it sleep for the summer vacation and never let it wake back up.

My reason for sharing this story is so spread awareness of this weirder disorder. I hope I can help somebody identify themselves and get on the path to victiory.
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Re: I need to spread awareness of Dermatiliomania. - June 6th 2015, 06:09 AM

Thanks for sharing your story with us! That's really brave of you.

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Re: I need to spread awareness of Dermatiliomania. - June 6th 2015, 02:34 PM

Hey there,
I can relate to this as I've been doing it since I was around 3 years old. It can be a hard concept to wrap your head around if you don't experience it yourself so I commend you for sharing this and I hope it helps a bit to share your story about this condition.
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Re: I need to spread awareness of Dermatiliomania. - June 9th 2015, 08:42 PM

very brave of you to post (:
thank you for sharing.
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Re: I need to spread awareness of Dermatiliomania. - June 10th 2015, 09:17 PM

Thank you for sharing your story. I had honestly never heard of this before so thanks for educating me too!

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