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Addictive Behaviours Discuss and receive support for addictions not related to substance use, such as gambling, Internet, sex or work addictions, in this forum.

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TheSpeed Offline
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Exclamation Pulled In ALL Directions - July 20th 2015, 07:31 AM

Okay, we all know everyone's lives are definitely not perfect, and I am there with everyone else just the same. However sometimes life takes some unexpected turns, some you can control, some are just out of your reach. I'm going to make my story which is long, short as possible. I have currently just turned 16 and am a guy, about 5'6-5'7.

Back late last year, I had a crush on a girl, I asked her, she said no (October/November), I was bummed for maybe a month or two, so I decided to take my dreams, narrowing down I mean weight loss, to new heights (December). I went from edited to edited (I gained a bit and went back to the lowest I had been before edited), and afterwards I had lost a great amount of weight but we'll touch into that later.

During this weight loss break through I met another girl (December-February), best time of my life, I had even remember saying/thinking to myself, "Man, I feel things are going to be getting SOO much better now!", until it all got turned around.

I got crazy about her, things started going bad, I started to have panic attacks, extreme worries about many things especially her, and great heart pain (February-April), and to top it all off a few friends/family members past away during the time (Current), everything started bugging me (Current), It's like my entire mind was going crazy, creating problems that are not a problem, and I had lost my old self in this black hole that just kept getting deeper day by day (Currently seems like rock bottom, but when didn't it). It's just as if all my worst night mares came into reality, cause they sort of did really.


Eventually while things were bugging me to death, I had gone to about edited pounds (February-April), however I was sort of starving myself, so my metabolism got weak, I had to gain some more weight and give it a break (April-Current). Now fast forward when things started to cool down but was still bugging my mind as I was trying to keep a hold of everything that I still could "save", and other MANY irritating things my mind grabbed on and just could never let go that brought me down, at this point the girl I mentally killed myself over was history (April-Current), but everything else made me a cliff hanger.

Now fast forward to today, July 19, 2015. I thought things would've been better by now but honestly... it's not, every day I remember my old self, helpful, kind, striving for the good things in the world, never giving up, and most importantly to me showing love to others and helping others, thanks to my old 9th grade Health Teacher Mr. Rogers, I LOVED giving advice and felt great doing it, like it could be a career for me to get into, I STILL LOVE DOING IT BY THE WAY! Which is also a good reason for me to join here today.

However, even though things have toned down, I still have minor heart pain, ridiculous worries and trying to fix things my mind hangs onto that ARE NOT even IMPORTANT, and worst of all, my dreams, precisely weight loss are just stuck, have been since April, I didn't see it as a recovery for my metabolism, but it worked, now... what should've began this summer, I now currently have about 1 month left, I'm stuck at edited pounds, healthy, BUT NOT PART OF MY PLAN.

It's like some days I'm SO MOTIVATED, others.... I don't even care. I've had day diets, hour diets, diets lasting a few days, a week... but I'm still stuck at edited. I wanted to go back to school while being able to put all of this behind me and just scream "SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!", but at this rate... I'm just floating in the middle of the sea, not getting lost, but not getting home. One day I might feel like a !CHAMPION!, the next I could feel as if my life was over. I try to forgive and forget, I try to accept that my life is still like it was, I'm the rope in tug of war.

I'm just not an open person about this kind of stuff, I have people, I just don't go to them and it'd be near impossible to convince me to do so, I've tried, but nothing true ever came out, and the girl I met who gave me panic attacks came back, we forgave each other, and I definitely don't really care about her as much as I did, honestly, I went to her for help after she wished me Happy Birthday back on June 29th over skype, and she gave me advice, but we don't talk so I'm still basically still alone... WOW LONG STORY, but I'll take any advice I can get. I feel as if I'm addicted to this form of lifestyle, and can't just feel good about life as I used to, and get on with my weight loss dream.

Thank you so much for your time, I wish you the best of luck, in your future endeavors, enjoy the life you have.

Sincerely, TheSpeed

Last edited by Onism.; July 21st 2015 at 02:28 AM. Reason: Please do not include weight numbers. :)
   
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TheSpeed Offline
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Re: Pulled In ALL Directions - July 20th 2015, 07:34 AM

Couldn't quite find a perfect spot, but the way my heads spinning feels addictive... feel free to move this if you wish.
   
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