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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
iambatman Offline
Suicidal? Yes.
Average Joe
iambatman's Avatar
Name: Riley
Age: 18
Gender: Female or Male? Yes.
Location: Hell

Posts: 155
Blog Entries: 26
Join Date: October 26th 2015

Drinking.... - November 26th 2015, 03:50 AM

So I started drinking when I was about 12. My mom and stepdad let me go over to my cousins house and drink. I started out with only beer. But then I started drinking liquor. It made me feel okay. I have never had a hangover. Which is good. I guess. But when I was 13 I went to my cousins and she had a party. We were drinking vodka and lime-a-ritas. I felt fine. Then I decided I didn't need anymore. I was pretty drunk. But I couldn't sleep. Everyone one else had left or went to bed. I stayed up all night drinking by myself. I blacked out and I guess I ran outside half-naked....Anyway, I started to get addicted to alcohol. I thought it was just a phase I was going through. But I started feeling like I needed the feeling of being drunk. I haven't drank heavily since then. But sometimes I do need a shot or a Mike's Hard Lemonade. Especially when I am really stressed. But lately I have been feeling like I need just straight vodka. I don't know why. My mom doesn't drink at all. So I have no way of getting alcohol. My body doesn't want me to drink but my mind does. I don't understand it. Does this even count as an addiction?

That god does not exist, I cannot deny
That my whole being cries out for a god, I cannot forget.

The gates of Heaven were locked shut. The pits of Hell, they were all filled up. And I fear I don't belong here.....

How could someone so perfect feel so insecure? As to scar her skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more. How does someone so loving learn to hate her own guts? Drawing a picture on her arm with a blade, as if her mind wasn't dark enough
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