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Addictive Behaviours Discuss and receive support for addictions not related to substance use, such as gambling, Internet, sex or work addictions, in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
L i v <3 Offline
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boyfriend..porn... - October 10th 2009, 10:12 PM

i've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now..and i've caught him watching porn, and it really hurt me because he rarely ever touches me..we have sex about once a month..but i think he looks at porn daily..i'm not sure...do you think he is addict?..why is he choosing porn over me? it's really afficting my self esteem! i've talked to him about it, asked him not to look at it but he still does so i just gave up, got sick of the fights, he said he does because of blue balls and all that so whatever, but i think we don't have sex because he masterbates to porn so much?! idk! seriously tho, i'm feeling so low about myself and i've told him that and he says not to beacuse he doesn't do it for the girls and stuff just for the act its self? idk.


I believe in love, lust
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 10th 2009, 11:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by L i v <3 View Post
i've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now..and i've caught him watching porn, and it really hurt me because he rarely ever touches me..we have sex about once a month..but i think he looks at porn daily..i'm not sure...do you think he is addict?..why is he choosing porn over me? it's really afficting my self esteem! i've talked to him about it, asked him not to look at it but he still does so i just gave up, got sick of the fights, he said he does because of blue balls and all that so whatever, but i think we don't have sex because he masterbates to porn so much?! idk! seriously tho, i'm feeling so low about myself and i've told him that and he says not to beacuse he doesn't do it for the girls and stuff just for the act its self? idk.
Then try being with him more, don't make it a once a month thing. Everyday is normal for guys, and he is correct, it's the act, not the girls.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 10th 2009, 11:17 PM

well the problem is that he hardly makes a move first, i always have to make the first move, then it makes me think he doesn't really want to do anything and if just going to because i started it...? idk...am i just thinking way too much into it? i just feel like i'm the one always pawing at him and i'm scared he is like omg get off me..but he's my boyfriend..so i don't know why he would think that..right? uuuugh you see how insecure this is making me?! stupid porn. lol


I believe in love, lust
sex & romance.
I don't want everything
to add up to a perfect equation.
I want mess and chaos.
I want someone to go crazy
out of his mind for me.
I want to feel passion
and heat and madness.
I WANT IT ALL.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 11th 2009, 10:09 AM

first suggestion if u r comfortable with it
ask to watch it with him?
u have to confront him though talk, ask why u only have sex once a month and why things are never really hot between you both, the best way to get through it is communication it is the key in most problems.
i had read my boy completely wrong the other night, i didnt want to talk, or anything so i told him i was going to bed he grabed my leg (he was sitting down i was standing) looked into my eyes and said wats wrong it took that to get me upset and talk to him ask him why he had been shutting me down all night. he had different things on his mind, but i woldnt have known tht if i didnt talk to him.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 11th 2009, 07:00 PM

yea i've thought about watching it with him...maybe..i'm feeling insecure with everything going on so i'm not ready yet to do that, but i'm gonna keep that in mind. i've watched it with ex's before and enjoyed it, it's different with him idk why tho.

he is just soo hard to talk too. everytime i try to talk to him he just acts like i'm making a big deal out of nothing. it's actually pretty fucking annoying. i love him but some days...uuuugh..lol. i've tried writing him notes since he makes me feel like an idiot when i'm trying to talk to him..but that gets me no where because he doesn't write back or bother to even say anything to me about the note...i really don't know what his deal is anymore. first thought is that he doesn't care but he always tells me he loves me..i don't know its going to be four years for us in january..maybe we are just in a rut?


I believe in love, lust
sex & romance.
I don't want everything
to add up to a perfect equation.
I want mess and chaos.
I want someone to go crazy
out of his mind for me.
I want to feel passion
and heat and madness.
I WANT IT ALL.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 11th 2009, 07:53 PM

Well forget the porn, it's not that. Noone would go for porn over the real thing. You do have to ask him why he doesn't want to have sex, if you can find out why then you can work it out with him.
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 11th 2009, 08:49 PM

Hey Liv,

It's understandable that you would be upset if you think your boyfriend is chosing porn over you. I think communication is the key here; only your boyfriend knows why he watches porn. I realise you said he is hard to talk to and he ignores your notes but he needs to know how it is making you feel. Have you considered talking over IM or something like that? If you can't talk face to face with him and he ignores your notes then that might be helpful

Take care
Jen


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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 11th 2009, 08:52 PM

My partner watches porn and it doesnt bother me i know he loves me. After a weeks or a days work my partner doesnt ask for sex, i ask him most of the time, i rknow that just because he doesnt ask for it doesnt mean anything, once i aks he is all for it. if you really want your partner to ask talk to him about it, let him know how it makes you feel. i am sure once he knows then he could ask more.
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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 13th 2009, 04:50 AM

I don't have a problem if my husband were to look at porn...I actually watch it with him most of the time. We don't have sex that often since we have kids but we make sure it's more than once a month. We both have very high sex drives so it works out. Like others have said just try to make it happen more often. I'm sure he enjoys sex if he's masturbating so much. Maybe he just doesnt want you to think that's all he's after or he's embarrassed to ask you. There could be many different reasons why he doesn't start it often. I'm usually the one who starts because I'm constantly busy with the kids and the house. And if I'm in the middle of something i wont stop to have sex real quick because then i wont feel like doing it lol. But Try not to think bad about yourself. I'm sure it's not you.




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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 15th 2009, 03:26 AM

Think of it this way; it's his method of exerting his sexual desires.
Sure, he could be having sex with you - which would be the recommended solution -
but he could be cheating on you by having sex with other girls, instead of porn.
So in this case, porn > cheating.
Plus, watching porn could be a way for him to improve and hone his skills.

Why don't you suggest watching it with him ?

There's nothing wrong with guys watching porn.
It's perfectly normal.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 15th 2009, 02:53 PM

Definately talk to your boyfriend.
Communication is the key and you need to feel comfortable talking to him.
Let him know how you feel about him and that you want him to listen to you.
I know you can do it even though it may be hard.
Ask him if he wants to act it out with you.
The real thing is definately better than it on the screen.


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If I can make it out, you can too.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 15th 2009, 03:14 PM

porn is the way most men learn about sex. Which in my honest opinion is a big mistake but. if your boyfriend is neglecting you sexually, then talk to him about it. I wouldn't dream of watching porn when i'm in a relationship. it simply doesn't make any sense.

i hope this helps you
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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: boyfriend..porn... - October 29th 2009, 05:05 AM

I understand part of how you feel. My boyfriend doesnt come on to me. I am the one who has to initiate everything and ask him for sex. And it makes me feel like he doesnt want me- I know its not true because I know he wants me, but my low self-esteem makes me think that way.
I would say to talk to your boyfriend. But also maybe spend some time with yourself and looking at yourself to work on your self-esteem. I know thats not easy to do but maybe that will help you with this. Because it sounds like you are worried that he doesnt want you (which is how I feel too) but i think a lot of it is based on how you see yourself. I could be really wrong haha. But if you do think that you have low self-esteem then maybe it is playing a part in this too.
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