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Addictive Behaviours Discuss and receive support for addictions not related to substance use, such as gambling, Internet, sex or work addictions, in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ambedo. Offline
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I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 7th 2011, 09:00 PM

I think the title pretty much explains it all. I lie . . a lot. I don't know why I do it. Half the time, I don't even notice I'm doing it. It's second nature to me now and I hate that about myself. I've been like this since I was a little kid. It started as little white lies, but now it's so far beyond that. I do it way more than I should, but it's never anything that would be found out by other people. I'm good at keeping my circles separate. But that doesn't matter anymore. I HATE that I lie to people. Any ideas on how to stop?? Does it still count as lying if I don't tell people that some of the things I've told them in the past are lies?? I know it's selfish and I have no right to their trust, but I still don't want to lose it. UGH. I'm so conflicted.


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Re: I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 7th 2011, 09:23 PM

This is the first step ADMITTING it which you have done. Next as bad as it may sound admit to the other people. Here is what this will do Tell them you are trying to stop and they can hold you accountable by checking up on what you say.

Lastly, give yourself rewards for NOT lying. Over time you will begin to tell the truth and keep others trust.




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Re: I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 8th 2011, 03:42 AM

Rewards? What kind of rewards?? I don't really want to reward myself for doing something that I shouldn't be fighting to do. Did that even make sense?


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Re: I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 8th 2011, 06:27 AM

I used to have the same issue! The biggest thing for me was telling someone, not over the internet, but in person. I told my mom about my problem, while she was pissed, she was understanding, and helped me work my way through it.

Something else that helped was taking the time to think about what you say before you say it. Lying is a habit, but it stems from other issues. For me, it was self esteem. Figure out what triggered your lying, and work on that issue!


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Re: I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 8th 2011, 05:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovesBrokenDream View Post
Rewards? What kind of rewards?? I don't really want to reward myself for doing something that I shouldn't be fighting to do. Did that even make sense?
but if it helps you to quit then why not go for it?




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Re: I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 11th 2011, 11:52 AM

Hi there.

It takes a lot of courage to admit that you're lying. I'd suggest thinking about things before you start speaking, sometimes we lie and we don't even know it and it just 'slips' out of our mouths.
   
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Re: I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 12th 2011, 02:47 PM

I got the following off addictions.net- does any of this sound like you??


Compulsive Liar

A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.



Here are some more symptoms of compulsive liars that may not be as straightforward.
  • Low self-esteem: This is a hallmark of most people with a compulsive lying disorder. Deep-seated feelings of inferiority drive such a person to fabricate a persona that makes them feel more worthy.
  • Other negative personality traits: Compulsive lying is often a secondary impulse related to other personality disorders. Watch for narcissistic and/or manipulative behavior. Inappropriate emotions and impulsive reactions to situations can be another tip off that something is not quite right.
  • Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): People suffering from ADHD also demonstrate impulsive behavior, and it's possible for this to escalate into uncontrollable lying if not kept in check.
  • Addictions: People with addictions to gambling, alcohol, drugs or other activities also are much more likely to lie compulsively.
  • Bipolar Disorder: Sufferers of a seesaw through periods of depression and mania. Depression is usually accompanied by low self-esteem and feeling like life is dreadful. Mania is the complete opposite, and a person feels like life is grand and nothing can get in the way. Impulsive behavior is common during this period, and it becomes easier to tell a lie than face reality.
  • Inability to face reality: Even when confronted with the cold facts, a true compulsive liar will never admit the truth. Attempts to make the person do so will result in further lying and perhaps even emotional outbursts designed to deflect attention from the lying.
Sorry this is so long but if you want to know more (cause there's alot of it then let me know on here or pm me!
   
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Re: I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 12th 2011, 02:58 PM

I had that problem from ages 11-16. I was a compulsive liar because of my past. I was hiding everything and that meant my feelings and pretending like my life was perfect. So basically from that time, my life sucked cuz it was all a lie and when people found out, they were very disappointed and pissed.

I stopped by telling myself that the truth will mean more to the person. They will be able to help and even if I get myself into trouble, it makes me feel a ton better knowing that I don't have the burden of lying on my shoulders.

Good luck with this and if you need anything feel free to PM me<3
   
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Re: I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 12th 2011, 03:47 PM

Hey
I know someone who is a compulsive liar, and I think I know how it feels because she's spoken to me about it. Once you tell a little lie you have to keep making up more lies to keep to your first lie and it becomes addictive to the point where you don't even notice you're doing it.
It took a lot of bravery to admit it! You're on the right path now and a little bit of help (from therapy or couselling) will help you very much to get rid of the habit.

You should also try to think about the reason/s you lie. Does it stem from an insecurity: do you want people to accept you? Or do you want to attract attention?Finding the reason will also help you. Good luck with everything, remember; you've admitted to your problem, so it's not very far to go from there Hope I've helped a little bit. PM me anytime if you want to talk.
-Arabella


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Ambedo. Offline
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Re: I'm A Liar . . :/ - August 15th 2011, 02:28 AM

Thanks everyone! I feel like I need to lie for a few reasons. I definitely cover up a lot of my emotions when I'm around people. I never actually considered that as lying though. Weird, huh? I have a really low self-esteem and I know a lot of the time, I feel the need to lie to make my life sound a little bit more interesting. Sometimes I'll even use it to get my way. This is gonna sound weird, but it's really stressful!! The lying part is easy, but when I'm constantly working to make sure that the lies are staying the same every time, it becomes a lot of work.

Anyways, thanks for responding to this and giving me some GREAT advice!!


wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
   
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