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Addictive Behaviours Discuss and receive support for addictions not related to substance use, such as gambling, Internet, sex or work addictions, in this forum.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Question Not exactly normal, not sure what to do? - October 3rd 2011, 01:10 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Alright well....I've only told a very select few people of this particular issue of mine but it seems to be haunting me and calling me back to it....I need some help so.....please don't judge me to harshly okay?

A few years back things got real bad with me and I started trying to kill myself nearly every single day, in doing so whenever I would take a bath I would try to drowned myself (I know, not exactly the smartest way to go) but anyways.

While doing this I discovered that if I stay under long enough to feel like I'm about to pass out or actually passing out and quickly come up for air it's a total rush....the best thing I have ever felt.

So as you may have guessed I'm addicted to near death experiences, adrenaline and really anything like that.

It started before the baths but before that it wasn't all too bad, after that I discovered that I don't have to wait until I fall down something or nearly get in a car accident....I could do it everyday without anyone knowing....

In realizing this is got extremely bad. I was doing it with everything.

One day, my sister and her two friends (one of them I had a crush on) and I went to the beach. Everything was completely find until I accidently went out a little to far and a wave crashed me down, when I tried to get back up another one pushed me down again, this went on a few times until Carly (the friend I had a crush on) came and saved me. She had gotten there not a moment to soon because just as she got to me I was passing out, for about three seconds everything went black.

It was both scary and the most amazing thing I had ever done, it was the closest I had ever been and it felt like I was on top of the world, granted this was probably just the lack of oxygen getting to my brain but that doesn't cancel out how much I loved it.

A year or two after that I had pretty much cut cold turkey. I hadn't done it in years after that (granted the first year or so was hard as hell but the longer I didn't do it the easier it became) but a few months ago my sister, her husband and my fiance and I went to six flags, I didn't even consider that it would trigger me but it did.....the adrenaline was amazing and I just couldn't get enough of it.

Since then I have been craving it nearly every day....I can't stop thinking about it..... Now I should probably tell you about the fact that I had also started cutting because of it, it gave me the same kind of rush (to a lesser extent) so I have been craving that as well (I stopped like....a year or so ago).

But see what's different about me doing the roller coasters is that I can have nearly the same feeling, without it ruining my brain and without having to hide it.....even my fiance thinks its "cute" that I like them so much.....he even made a joke that I get off on it.

You might even be thinking the same thing....I want to set that straight. There is really no sexual fetish about it. An orgasm is basically your brain losing control and you getting pleasure from it (or at least I've read that a couple of times, if I'm wrong please forgive me) What I get from this kind of stuff....isn't really the same. Yes I lose control and that's....amazing and yes it is a type of pleasure that I get from it but....it's no where near the same thing. I don't orgasm over this, I just get really happy and in a good mood.....it's more like a high of some sort? I'm sorry if this is all really confusing, I'm just trying to give you as much information about it as possible.......


I know this is bad for me....I know I shouldn't go back to doing it and part of me (the sensible part) completely agrees but.....I need help resisting it.....please help me get this under control, I can't go back to trying to kill myself all the time and cutting myself just to get even remotely the same feeling.


♪Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight

I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more.♪
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgCj8AeqNIc

Last edited by Bagheera Kiplingi; October 3rd 2011 at 01:16 AM.
   
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Re: Not exactly normal, not sure what to do? - October 3rd 2011, 01:33 AM

Welcome to TH first off!

It's obvious you're an adrenaline junky who just happened to get a pretty big rush. I'd imagine nothing would ever compare to near-death.

What you need to do (in my opinion) is find smaller rushes but do them more. Maybe 1 rollercoaster won't equal out but if you just repeat process you end up with even more.

Just some alternatives: Get into horror movies- the rushes from the movie(s) will definitely work plus it creates a great social environment! Go to concerts- this is MY personal favorite. The feeling of loving a band and seeing their music is just wonderful. You could even talk to the bands after shows and get guitar picks etc.

Gosh I hope I helped, even just a bit. Please, message me if you want to talk!


"And if you sing to me sweet until then, I may never sail Virginia again"
~Jon
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Re: Not exactly normal, not sure what to do? - October 3rd 2011, 04:24 PM

I have the same thing with the SH, I know its not much help but if you need it you can pm me to talk to me about it.

Last edited by MamaBear; October 3rd 2011 at 09:08 PM.
   
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Re: Not exactly normal, not sure what to do? - October 4th 2011, 03:14 AM

You can get the rush in other ways.

Involving yourself in gymnastics or acrobatics. (Both thrive off of heights and balance)
Motorcross. (Fast speeds and mastering a machine, hell yes.)
Mountain climbing (indoor or outdoor, if you choose outdoor you can obviously go a lot higher, but this isn't possible everywhere, and in indoor climbing, they harness you so you could jump down the 30-45 fooot drop if you wanted, only to be saved the last five feet.)
Wresting or any other combat sport or martial art (Fighting is great for adreneline, but it isn't fight club, so expect rules and learning first.)
Racing (Both horse and car, fast speeds high risk. If you are car racing, do so legally.)
Amusement parks (You figured this one out yourself...)

These things can help the issue. Someone with no fear of getting hurt can do great in any of the things I listed. Just don't risk harming yourself in an uncontrolled environment.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic

Last edited by NevermindMe; October 4th 2011 at 03:20 AM.
   
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Re: Not exactly normal, not sure what to do? - October 4th 2011, 07:18 AM

At the dojo I train at, there was a guy about 1-2 years older than me. He was amazing at sparring and very self-disciplined. Something clearly was happening with him outside the dojo because he changed so much in his behaviour, it was unrecognizable. He became extremely aggressive, dropped out of university (to be fair, he wasn't getting high marks in the first place although that's hardly an excuse) but the only thing that seemed to get him under control was full-contact sparring. We actually suspected he was on drugs but that's irrelevant to this. Anyway, he kept doing extremely daring things for the purpose of experiencing a thrill. He routinely started fights, while sober, at bars and pubs, ran out into traffic to hood-roll a moving car, find any reason to have people chase him (usually meant he'd steal or provoke someone to go after him), etc... .

As I said, full-contacting sparring was something that he loved and kept him in line. By full-contact I don't mean a bar brawl because there are rules and if you don't comply to them and keep going at the opponent, the instructors would come over to break it up. He often wanted to spar the instructors demanding they do their best, although that never happened because he'd have gotten pummeled.

Point is stay in control. As someone who trains in full-contact and light-contact sparring, they both give you an adrenaline rush, although for me, full-contact sparring gives me a greater adrenaline rush.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
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Re: Not exactly normal, not sure what to do? - October 4th 2011, 02:01 PM

These are all great ideas, but see these are all controlled things in those types of things I would get no rush what so ever unless of course like Justin said I jump off the cliff just to be saved but even that wouldn't give me much of a rush. If it's controlled it's not really dangerous is it? And that's what I like, even street racing (which I have done before with my fiance) doesn't give me much of a rush......Does this sound weird or crazy or something? Do you understand what I'm saying?

Plus the fact that I am broke as all hell and don't have money for half this shit


♪Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight

I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more.♪
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgCj8AeqNIc
   
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