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Goals and Ambitions Share your goals and ambitions here, whether they are about your future career, recovery aims or anything else you're hoping to achieve.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Enjo Offline
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My story and last goal - August 22nd 2013, 08:08 AM

So, starting off; I'm new here. Hi everybody. I really couldn't think of a great title so it was simple, sorry. Anyway, this story is true. I just feel I need to get it out of me. Starting off, I had major problems last year. It just all decided to fall down and hit me. It was a traumatic line of events. Starting with a mom with her only care being how high she can get. Then, it was Summer, I lost my best-friend a month into it. We both are very stubborn people and don't want to let go of our pride. I've known him since I was 3 basically. We never had heart-to-heart talks really, just talked about life and random things. It tore me apart the first month, I didn't know what to do. I at least had found new friends. New friends with different personalities from myself completely though. They wanted to be overly-dramatic and party 24/7. That wasn't me. They were there for me though, in October. I didn't try to kill myself. But I woke up one morning, just sobbing. I couldn't stop crying, at all. The funny thing is, I hadn't ever cried since I was 7. I was brought up that crying was for pussies. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stop for hours, I thought to myself maybe I need something or somebody. Every thought ran through my head, from good and bad. I admitted myself to the psych-ward; Havenwyck. I didn't try to kill myself no, but I sure did think of it.. many times before that day as well. I felt there was no need for me to be here anymore, it would be easier, I could be happy. If I had something around me at the time, I believe I would of done it. I don't usually show emotion, so mostly every friend I had was surprised. The new friends I made found out later and did try to help. I got out, I quit Wrestling (my only sport and varsity), quit trying to meet people, quit caring more so than before, quit alot of things. The worst thing was, I quit on myself. I told myself, I'll just isolate myself and care about nothing. My wrestling coach told me something I hadn't forgot since; "Nothing gets better. Nothing gets better until you make it better yourself". This came from the only man I can say I really look up to. It took months, I started becoming happier. I started to realize things can get better. That's when it got worse. My grades were getting terrible, I failed 3 classes. I had the cops at my house 4 different times, because of me. I started losing more friends. My absences in school accumulated above 300. It got to an even worse breaking point. My counselor told me try to find a hobby, try to occupy myself, try to take my mind off everything. I thought to myself about that alot. I finally decided to talk to my coach about Wrestling again. He was pleased to hear it, he told me the team's status. How they were going to Team States for the first time. I should of been happy, but it about killed me inside. I got the motivation after hearing that to push myself to work out more. From that, I reconnected with an old friend. He helped me understand not to be so angry, it'll only hurt myself. It took a while to realize what he meant. I had been hurting myself for years, just mentally and not physically. I finally started off-season Wrestling workouts and that was probably the greatest thing to happen for me. I found my real family, real friends, real life. I actually was becoming happy and cheerful for things. The best part was, my best-friend and I started talking again. We started hanging out and talking everyday again. I was happier than ever, even though I never expressed it. My teachers started to realize I was showing up to class, attempting to do my work, and actually making jokes again. I told myself before Summer started, "This is me, this is my life. It'll be hard, but I'll fix what became broken". Summer has almost ended now. I'm very glad to say, I lived to my word. I express myself more, I laugh more, I try more, I'm not afraid to get up anymore. The hardest part is dealing with a bipolar mother who's had severe depression for years and won't help herself. Dealing with a family forgotten, hated, gone. Dealing with only hate towards them. So now I made myself a new goal. To stop hating people and try to fix that last part. The truth behind this all is, life never gets better until you do something about it. But hey, I taught myself happiness, even if it took sometime, I did it. So can you and anybody else.


"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life."

- Rocky Balboa

"The man with no imagination has no wings."

- Muhammad Ali

"The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed."

- Eminem
   
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Re: My story and last goal - August 22nd 2013, 06:49 PM

Your story is truly one of good meaning. Unfortunately, we all have ups and downs. You too, will experience more ups and downs. But what matters, is that you are willing to push through those downs, and live in the moment for those ups. When times get tough, when things go wrong, just keep going. Often, I find that people quit. They don't believe in themselves, and obviously with a mindset like that - they can't go anywhere but down.

I'm really glad to see you got out of that negative mindset, and you are striving to make a better you. Stay strong, and I hope you reach/achieve that goal!


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: My story and last goal - August 22nd 2013, 11:23 PM

I'm sorry that you went through so much in your life, but it's great that you're starting to think of things in a new mindset and are starting to better yourself, that's something amazing and you definitely can do that and go far!


   
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