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I want kids one day - December 9th 2017, 06:23 PM

The main thing i really want 1 day is kids more than anything else, being a dad would be awesome. Anyone else here want kids or is it odd that i want them and think of it at my age? i'm too young to have any yet i know and i not ready yet,, one day maybe in my mid 20s i'd like to have them. most of my friends only think about getting a nice house to live in or the best paid job or a nice car,they not think about having kids yet and they say one day in the future is when they will think about it and they think i am nuts to care about this yet. I would like a good career and married and everything before we had the kids. Also i would really like to have 2 girls, i'm not that bothered about having a boy. Anyone else would prefer to have daughters or sons or not bothered? i guess it shouldn't matter, the main thing is that the baby will be healthy, i kinda feel bad bout having the preference to having girls but i can't help how i feel Well anyway thats my main goal and which i hope one day to have when the times right.
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Re: I want kids one day - December 10th 2017, 01:04 AM

Hey there,

It is normal as a teenager to start thinking about the future and having ideas of different things you want to do when you're older. It is also normal to specifically desire to be a parent as well as other things like a house and a car as those things all have in common of bring an adult, holding responsibilities and this is the age to experiment and find out what you really want out of life and what you want to offer to others. Some people do this by their career or marriage and some find they want to be a parent. It is about exploring different parts of ourselves and who we are.

I remember I wanted to be a parent for as long as I can remember. When I played dolls with my sisters I almost always played the mother though sometimes I played the child/sister too. Similarly when we played house/family or played school, I was the mother or teacher and occasionally we would switch and I'd be the child or a classmate.
Some people think about being a parent for many years and others do not think too much about it. I know for myself, I started reading parenting books at a young age. It is just what interested me. Something you can do is try either babysitting or volunteering at an organization that works with kids. Maybe in a few years down, you can start doing things like big buddy/brother/ sister and mentoring. Obviously it is not the same as raising your own child but it might give you the fulfillment you're looking for and you'd be doing something really helpful to the community.
You can also think about how you'd raise your children, what your ideals and core values are and how to stay true to them start in from now. For example if you value going out of your comfort zone and living life to the fullest even if it is scary to do so and that's something you want to teach your future kids, how might you start living that way from now? Maybe you can do one of those 365 day challenges of one thing that "scares you" each day. There's a challenge like that.
If you value eating healthy, veganism, eco friendly etc how can you start that from now? Maybe you can learn to cook something healthy for yourself. And then when you have kids, they will learn by example. Which is good to be conscious of from now because then you have more choices and options. For instance, you may have more time now to learn to cook and you have time to develop yourself before you do something big that can at times be draining and even more so if one is not taking care of them self first. Burnout can happen.
Managing time, coping with stress, forming healthy friendships, and anything else you may be doing now can technically be good practice for parenting skills. And if you want to go a step further you can do something like volunteering with kids or babysitting if you can, just to get to know some kids, and how they "work" xD

Remember, taking care of yourself and pushing yourself to grow (but not too hard) as a person are two things you can do right now that will in the long run indirectly be helpful to raising kids. Another thing would be to consider your career options and ways to get a head start on that. It is okay if you're not sure yet. At your age, joining after school activities and learning what you like and don't like is actually giving you a lot of information already. Learning about yourself and your interests are important for life skills in the future. In other words, anything happening in your life right now is good preparation because we learn from our mistakes. But skills like learning from mistakes and how to keep going when self esteem is torn down or how to cope with rejection, stress and things like that are like foundations for when you might be working directly on parenting skills. For now indirect parenting skills is enough.

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Last edited by ~Show Yourself~; December 10th 2017 at 01:24 AM.
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Re: I want kids one day - December 20th 2017, 01:55 PM

I don't think there is anything weird about you having an idea about wanting children. I think I have known from a younger age (12-13) that I probably wanted children. I knew I wanted things like a good job and a nice place to live but those things were different to think about than my desire to have children.

Also, there isn't anything wrong with having a preference in what you would prefer as long as you would treat any children you have (boy or girl) equally. It is unfortunate but there are people who have preferences and it impacts the way they treat their children. Someone I know favors their son over their daughter and it is ... quite evident in a lot of things they do. This will cause problems later on down the line. I have a family member whose parents favored their son and she still seeks out their acceptance and love...even though she isn't going to truly get it to the extent that she wants. So, it's not wrong to have preferences as long as you know that won't lead you to favor one child over the other. Especially since you can't really control whether you have a boy or a girl.

Personally, I would like a boy and a girl but I am a tad bit nervous about having a daughter. I wasn't really raised by my mother so I am not 100% certain that I would know how to be a mom to a daughter. I worry a lot about repeating the same mistakes my own mother did. Also, since I grew up with mainly brothers and male cousins, I don't know that I would know how to relate to a girl. However, if I am able to have children I will still be grateful no matter what I end up having.

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Re: I want kids one day - December 20th 2017, 02:17 PM

Not at all weird.

The risk I took was calculated, but boy, am I bad at math.
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Re: I want kids one day - December 22nd 2017, 04:08 AM

It's totally normal! I wanted to have kids all throughout my teen years. I'm glad you want to wait until you're older and have a job

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