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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Typeing out some thoughts. - January 7th 2019, 06:40 PM

I've been thinking a lot about myself, and my life lately with the new year just a week ago. It really got me thinking about my past, present, and future self. I've realized a while ago that if I could truly go back in time to change ANYTHING I actaully wouldn't change a thing AT ALL. Because every little peice in time. Everything we've done, and everything we haven't done. Everyone we have, or haven't talked to. Everything we've said, or haven't said. It has lead us up to this point. So, if you ever get the chance to time travel into the past. DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING. Because it could really effect your future. Every peice is critical. I often think back to the last 5-6 years. I also often think into the next 5-10 years. I think about what I can change, and what isn't changable. I think about where I want to be 5-10 years from now, and if my future self will thank my past self who is currently my present self. Because honestly, a few years ago I was in a bad place in life. I kept thinking that when that time passed I would be able to go back to those people who did me wrong, and throw it in their faces how far i've come. I had Grayson, and got to lose all of my post partom weight from both pregnancies. I got to get a job I loved, and save money, and get into my very own apartment. I then went onto getting my CNA license, and changed Eli's last name. Over a year later I found a better apartment, and then this past fall got Eli into school. I'm currently thinking about moving to another state when my lease is up, and becoming a lifegaurd, and getting my GED so that I can go onto cosmetology school. Someday, I'll be working all of my dream jobs, have a nice house, a jeep, and still have my kids & husband. I'll also be able to say I did it all by myself. Really, when you stop being resentful of what you've had to deal with, and start being thankful for what it taught you. That's when you're a changed person. So, would it really be worth the time, and energy to throw it in the face of those who have done me wrong? Not really. Because your enemies will ALWAYS have somthing negative to say. No matter what you're doing in life. When I was in CNA classes I madea post on Facebook that I really shouldn't have made. It said somthing along the lines of "I'm paying my life away in daycare expenses just to get through CNA classes while you're having your mom raise your babies so that you can work in the fast food industry. I see how we were both raised differently" An old friend made a fake facebook account to commment on it, and along in the comment she said somthing like "CNA's don't even make that much anyway, and all they do is wipe butts" Then, added "Nurses don't even make that much either." So, that right there kind of showed me that literally nothing I do is going to impress my enemies. Needless to say, I have NO USE for social media AT ALL anymore, and I have since deleted ALL of my social media. But, that's my point. Those enemies will always see me in a negative light. Which is okay. I've moved on for the better. I've moved onto bigger & better things. I want them to know what i'm doing in life, and where I am in life. But, really it's not worth sending them a private message personally just to tell them every little detail about my life. Hell, most of them are still in the same place in their lives that they were in 3-4 years ago. The only difference is that now they have babies they don't raise, and spouses that they cheat on. But, they're still working those same dead-end jobs, still not getting any higher education, still driving junk cars, still fighting addiction, still haveing mommy & daddy do everything for them. Forget holding grudges. Forget being bitter, and resentful. I want to forgive them, and I want to forget them. They are IRRELEVENT to my life, just as much as i'm irrelevant to theirs. I grew up, and they chose not to. I don't agree with who they are as individual human beings. I have no more time, or energy to waste on hating those who hate me because I'm too busy living those who love me. It is mentally, emotionally, and even physically exhausting to concern me self with obsessing over this drama & negativity. I'm too busy living my best life, and being happy & healthy. Whatever "bad blood" if between us I can swear that it is 100% one sided. Whith all of that said, I'm ready to move into 2019 with my heart in a better place.


~~you doubted me then, but look at me now~~

Last edited by broken_butterfly; January 7th 2019 at 07:26 PM.
   
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Re: Typeing out some thoughts. - January 10th 2019, 08:47 PM

Hello,

Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us. You are always welcome to keep sharing anything else that you would like to with us, because when we are going through different things and really good things it is always nice to be able to share with other people. I wish you the best and hope that you enjoy your New Year. Hugs.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Typeing out some thoughts. - January 11th 2019, 06:12 PM

It's interesting to hear how if you could go back in time, you wouldn't change a thing. It's also really lovely to see how far you have come and how well you have done for yourself, despite things. I also agree that some people are irrelevant to your life and it's best to focus on yourself and where you are going rather than concern yourself with the lives of others. Hope the new year brings all that you desire


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