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CanadaCraig Offline
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Always waiting for PERMISSION [I need your help] - February 14th 2010, 11:43 AM

Hi Everyone!!

I hope you're having a super fine day.

Truth be told - I am a loser. No use arguing that fact. It's the truth. And the reason I'm a loser is because I am ALWAYS WAITING for PERMISSION. I am 46 years old and I'm STILL trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. But every time I think of something - anything at all - a little voice inside of me says, "Well.... you better not do THAT! Someone might not approve." This has been going on ever since I was a kid. I've been keeping my dreams locked away somewhere because it hurts every time I even think of them. I tell myself, "What's the use. I'll never accomplish anything. I'll never do it 'right' and I'll never succeed - no matter how hard I try. So why bother doing anything when the outcome will serve no purpose other than to reaffirm the 'FACT' that I am not 'good enough' or 'smart enough' or whatever." Now if that sounds depressing - you're right. It is. So much so - that the idea of just giving up and ending it all is slowly but surely becoming more and more appealing.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. I learned very quickly that the only way NOT to be HURT - was NOT to be SEEN. So I lived most of my childhood in the shadows. [And most of my adult life too] People don't hurt people they can't SEE - right? Well... that's what I came to believe. And it's true - for the most part. Well.. except that by hiding in the shadows - I ended up hurting myself. [Because I betrayed the person I was] But sadly - anytime I did dare to share some of my dreams with people in my family - those dreams were immediately stomped on. "Well that's really stupid. Why would anyone want to do THAT!" And so on.

Trouble is - I'm STILL living in the shadows. I'm afraid - no - make that TERRIFIED - of doing what I want to do with MY LIFE.

This is a long message - I know. But what I need to know is if any of YOU can relate to what I am saying. But more than that - if any of you somehow managed to STOP WAITING and just did what you wanted to do with YOUR life. I know that many of you are just beginning to get out on your own - but maybe some of you can help me by giving ME some advice.

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Re: Always waiting for PERMISSION [I need your help] - February 14th 2010, 05:07 PM

Hey Craig. Well, being 32 yrs younger than you I don't think I can offer too much advice, but, I want to tell you something.

You have NO IDEA how helpful your posts here are. You are making a difference in the lives of more than 10,000 people from the comfort of your own home. W

ho is there to 'not approve'? It's your life. You're 46, Craig! It's not like you have parents who still have a legal obligation to raise you...(or is it different in canada?) lol.

You can always contact me to talk about anything!
Proud to be myself.

Need a hug? Please take one!

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last updated on 11/11/17
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permission, waiting

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