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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Despair.. Offline
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Unhappy Calls me fat and makes me go on a scale - April 29th 2012, 08:50 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So my dad's father died when I was about six of obesity/diabetes. My dad now calls me fat, he always makes me go on a scale and then measures my height. Then goes online and checks to see if im obese or not, he terrorizes me with this almost every day. Sometimes if I can the courage to tell him I dont beleive him, he'll yell at me and im grouned for a week. If I dont obey him, he'll grab me and throw me on my bed sometimes slapping/hitting me or just plain screaming right in front of my face. He has given me a bloody nose, but my dad calls this all normal and just making me into a better kid or in his words teenager. I dont know if this is abuse, but I have an EXTREMLY low self esteem, I cut myself, and social anxiety so obviously this has created some problems. My dad is really nice to other people and he is normal to when ever im doing something "right" or "behaving correctly". Im a straight A student andnever have problems with adults, im not a trouble maker. So I dont see why my over reacts like this :/

Last edited by Stargazed.; April 30th 2012 at 09:34 PM. Reason: Adding triggering prefix.
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Re: Calls me fat and makes me go on a scale - April 29th 2012, 09:25 PM

Whether this is considered abuse or not is debatable, but in my honest opinion it is. I would consider it to possibly be emotional as well as slightly physical, abuse. In any case, you do not deserve to be treated this way. Have you tried sitting down and talking with him before he does this? If not then I suggest it, and if so, then maybe it's time to tell someone else, a trusted adult and/or a friend you can trust, about what's going on.


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Re: Calls me fat and makes me go on a scale - April 30th 2012, 12:12 AM

In a sad twisted way your dad cares, his father died of obesity/diabetes as a result he is worried about you and does not want to lose you. He is expressing his love in the wrong ways. Normally obese people are more prone to diabetes.
   
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Re: Calls me fat and makes me go on a scale - April 30th 2012, 07:30 AM

This is absolutely not normal or okay, I'm really sorry that you have to go through with all this. While to a certain extent it would almost be understandable that he wants you to be healthy due to the loss, this is out of control. The fact that he's taken it to physical abuse is a step too far, I really hope you can find some help. Remember that you're beautiful and you have plenty of people here to talk to. I really hope you can get some help. (:


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Re: Calls me fat and makes me go on a scale - April 30th 2012, 01:55 PM

Hi,

In my opinion this is without a doubt emotional abuse/verbal abuse and physical abuse. You said it yourself that you believe your father had a hand in causing your low self esteem and anxiety. I tell people all the time if it causes you harm and YOU feel that it is wrong/bad/hurtful then it is abusive. There isn't one cookie cutter way to abuse someone and that is why some people get confused as to whether what they are going through is abuse or not. From what you've written it sounds like you know what your father is doing is wrong. He is causing you deep emotional problems as a result of his actions and that is never okay.

What does your mother think about what is going on? Are there any other family members you could talk to about what your father is putting you through? Do you think you father would listen to you or another adult if he was confronted about his actions? I think it might be safest if you aren't the one to confront him so he doesn't become violet. Are there any other adults you could turn to for help like a teacher, school guidance counselor, a parent of one of your friends, a religious leader, or your therapist (if you have one for your social anxiety)?

One of the biggest issues driving the abuse is your father's fear of losing you to a weight related health issue. His fear has driven him to try an combat this in an irrational and unhealthy way. He then justifies his actions by the fact he lost his father because of obesity. Maintaining a healthy weight is an important part of overall health but your father is going about it in the wrong way. The tricky part is showing him the error of his ways. Showing him that forcing you on a scale everyday doesn't enforce a healthy attitude towards weight but terrorizes you and destroys your self-esteem. This trauma he forces you to endure everyday is also causing your emotional problems and leading to your self harm. He needs to be told that what he is doing is having the opposite effect of his goal and is extremely detrimental to your emotional health. If he is shown the right way to combat obesity do you think his behavior would change?

Healthy ways to combat obesity include having well rounded family dinners with lots of fresh ingredients and of course vegetables. Another way to eat healthy is simply by having a healthy breakfast. You start the day off right and avoid getting so hungry that by your next meal that you overeat. Staying active is also a vital part of a healthy lifestyle. Are you involved in any sports or do you belong to a gym? Showing your father that you are committed to your health by exercising could calm down some of his irrational behavior. I listed these simple tips so that whoever you find to talk to your father about his behavior can recommend the right way to stay healthy. I also think he should be told about the emotional damage that he is causing you. If he realizes how he is effecting your self esteem, anxiety, and self harm, he might realize that what he is putting you through is irrational and wrong.
You know your father's personality better than any of us. How do you think the best way to approach this subject with him would be?

Finally, I want to talk about your emotional wellbeing in all of this. Where do you get your support? Do you currently see a therapist or a psychiatrist? If you don't, I think it would be best if you started therapy both because of your anxiety/self esteem and because of your cutting. Not to mention the fact you have endured this horrible abuse and a professional therapist can help you process and cope with all of these things. A strong support system is key in coping with everything you've gone through. You might want to find a local self harm support group to go to or even a support group for victims of abuse. Strong support systems have multiple pillars. Do you have and friends you can confide in or call in the middle of the night if you're having an emotional crisis or want to self harm? Teen Help is a good way to get support through the forums, chat room, live help, and HELPlink. Another way to get emergency support is by calling a hotline like the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 or Self Injury Foundation Hotline 800-334-HELP(4357). Or you can get information about resources, treatment plans, or therapist referrals from http://www.selfinjury.com/ Having several different ways you get support will help you more because you'll always have a way to get support day or night and each method can help you in slightly different ways.

Other things you can do are blog or journal to get your feelings out in writing rather than self harm. Words can be very empowering. If you are artistic, you can write poetry, draw, paint, sow, or just about anything that helps you express yourself. I like to write poetry. It helps be take all the crazy emotions I'm experiencing and release them on paper rather than through cutting. Think about how you can deal with your emotions in a positive empowering way instead of a negative destructive way.

I hope all this helps. You can always message me if you want to talk. Take care and stay strong.

Lots of love<3 Mimi



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