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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Abusive past relationship - May 1st 2012, 01:41 AM

It's been a good year since i was freed of my abuser. Only promblem now is since it's been a year he has been trying to get a hold of me. 2 Weeks a go he sent me a friend request & an hour a go he sent me a message. I've already done all the necessary things for saftey precautions, i've even moved but i still don't feel safe Advice please?


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Re: Abusive past relationship - May 1st 2012, 02:13 AM

It's great that you've gotten out of an abusive relationship; I'm so sorry that you had to go through it in the first place. One year without contact is amazing. I highly suggest that you delete him from the site and block him. I don't know what the message says but it's important that you stay safe. You have to protect yourself. The best way you can do that is avoid any and all contact with him.
   
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Re: Abusive past relationship - May 1st 2012, 02:18 AM

can you put a restraning worent on him


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Re: Abusive past relationship - May 1st 2012, 11:55 PM

Congratulations on breaking free from your abuser! That takes a lot of bravery and I am really proud of you for being strong and staying strong. I assume he sent you the message and friend request on a social networking site. Do you have any of your contact information posted on the site or even in wall posts to other friends? It might be best to close down this account and open a new one under an alias. No matter what, be smart and have your privacy settings set the HIGHEST. If I were you I wouldn't even let people see the pictures posted of me unless I knew they have no contact with your abuser and don't accept friend requests from random people. If one of the pictures shows you at a local restaurant or other hang out he could figure out at least what city or area of town you hang out in/live. If you think being on this social networking site is compromising your safety, untag any photos you are in, ask your friends to take them down, and close out the account. Facebook or whichever other site this may be isn't worth risking your safety over. I don't know all that much about tracking a person via computer but I know it can be a whole lot easier if you reply to his message so don't say a word in reply. If you need to vent talk to a friend you trust or write your former abuser a PRETEND letter saying all the things you wish you could say to their face. You can keep the letter or burn/throw it away (symbolizing that you've moved on and you are letting go of all the negative feelings in favor of more positive ones). Whatever you do with the letter DO NOT mail it and DO NOT send him any messages over the internet because you don't want to enrage him and you don't want him to be able to track you. Hang in there. I know 'anniversaries' of sorts can churn up a ton of different emotions. Just remember that you took control of your life by getting away from the abuse and having the courage to do that makes you one amazing person. If you ever need someone to talk to you can always send me a message. Take care and hang in there!

Lots of love<3 Mimi



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Re: Abusive past relationship - May 3rd 2012, 05:29 PM

I agree with the above posts, block him.
Make sure that you are not putting yourself in danger in anyways.
GREAT job on breaking free from the abuser, and not keeping contact! This is so great, you should be so proud of yourself.

Also, I think it's a little normal to feel scared after your past and what he did to you.
Try to remember that as long as you dont accept any of his requests, and dont give out personal information to people he may know, I think you are safe.

You could always express your worries to someone you trust?
Talking to someone might help to feel at ease.

Take care of yourself, you are so strong.
Shelby


   
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