TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
noise94 Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
noise94's Avatar
 
Gender: N/A

Posts: 3,231
Join Date: January 11th 2009

This shouldn't bother me, right? - April 4th 2009, 07:48 PM

I don't know what's triggering or not so I marked it just in case. *shrugs*

This is really stupid. But when I was 12, this man who my dad knew... molested me.

It was just that one time. And it wasn't much. And I don't think I've ever seen him again. I don't even know who he was. I can't remember him at all.

But for some reason, it's really been getting to me lately. I just keep thinking about it and it's getting me really down. I have weird dreams that involve it and sometimes I see it in my head during the day.

But I don't why? I mean, it was 5 years ago. I don't know the man. I've never seen him since. And it was only once.

I'm just being a stupid idiot, yeah? It's nothing.

I don't even know why I posted this. Sorry.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Jen Offline
Dance in the rain
I've been here a while
********
 
Jen's Avatar
 
Name: Jen
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Massachusetts

Posts: 1,482
Blog Entries: 4
Join Date: March 28th 2009

Re: This shouldn't bother me, right? - April 4th 2009, 07:56 PM

Nicola~
This is NOT stupid or dumb or anything. You do not need to apologize. You did nothing wrong. And I'm so glad that you posted. It absolutely positively makes sense that this is bothering you! Something that someone once told me that was so helpful: "There is no hierarchy of sexual assault". That means that there's no such thing as an assault/molestation being "not a big deal" or "nothing compared to someone else". If it happened, and if it affected you, IT MATTERS. So I want to really validate that for you.

Often times it takes weeks or months, or even years, for an individual to come to terms with what they went through. It's very common for people to not be bothered by their experiences at first. That's just how our brain and bodies process things. It's very very common.

Is there anyone in real life who knows about your molestation? A parent, friend, teacher, other adult? It would be really helpful to talk to someone about this. Professionals are really equipped to treat individuals who have been assaulted so that they are able to come to terms with it and work through it.

Once again just a reminder: YOU ARE NOT STUPID. I'll remind you anytime you need! I promise. I'm glad you posted, keep reaching out. PM me ANYTIME.

Jen




"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

“if nothing changed, there’d be no butterflies”

  Send a message via MSN to Jen  
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
soul Offline
Any fool can criticize
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
soul's Avatar
 
Name: Mimi
Gender: Female

Posts: 922
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: This shouldn't bother me, right? - April 4th 2009, 07:59 PM

Hey Nicola,

This is most definitely not nothing. This man violated you and it is perfectly normal for it to effect you even 5 years later. You are not stupid in anyway. The way you are reacting to your assault isn't in the least bit stupid or silly. When we try and bottle up or run away from what happened the pressure tends to build up and explode later on when we are feeling vulnerable. Have you talked with anyone about what happened to you? Talking about things can help you work through your emotions and put the past behind you. I would recommend seeing a therapist if you haven't already. They can really help you in the healing process. Don't let your fear of reaching out keep you from getting the help you need. You deserve all the help you can get. I am so sorry you had to go through such a terrible thing. Don't get upset with yourself for feeling what you are feeling. It takes time to heal and a lot of the times people have a delayed reaction to their abuse. You are not alone. We are here for you. If you ever need a friend don't hesitate to PM me. You can make it through this. Things will get better and you are going to be okay. I care about you so much. If there is anything I can do for you just let me know. Hang in there and stay strong.


Lots of love <3 Mimi



As long as we can dream, there will be unicorns.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
ForeverAutumn* Offline
together, we are infinite.
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
ForeverAutumn*'s Avatar
 
Age: 25
Gender: Female

Posts: 843
Blog Entries: 20
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: This shouldn't bother me, right? - April 4th 2009, 08:00 PM

Hey Nicolalala.

You know, it's really not stupid at all, posting here. You've every right to post here, to reach out for help because this most definitely isn't 'just nothing'. Your dad's friend had absolutely no right to touch you or hurt you in any way.

It's ok, Nicola, if you haven't gotten over it yet. Everyone heals at their own rate, everyone takes different amounts of time to heal from things like this. There's no set amount of time for 'getting over' it because, there are so many factors, so many things that can influence how it affects you, and how long it takes to heal. These factors can be whether or not you told anyone what happened, whether you reached out for support, or whether you chose to keep it inside and repress it. And like I've told you before, when you bottle something up inside? This is what happens. It comes back and won't leave you alone. You start thinking about it more and more because, you tried to repress it instead of dealing with it right away. 'Numbing the pain only makes it worse when you finally have to feel it.'

Nicola, dear, did you ever tell your mum what happened? Or your father?

What's important to remember now is that what happened, happened in the past. When you have those kinds of dreams, try to ground yourself as best you can afterwards. Remind yourself that it happened in your past, not your present. That you're an incredibly strong person who can do anything.

You know where to find me anytime you want to talk hun. Keep safe. <3



how could anyone ever tell you, you are anything less than beautiful?| PM Me
self-harm free since 06.10.11.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
noise94 Offline
Member
I can't get enough
*********
 
noise94's Avatar
 
Gender: N/A

Posts: 3,231
Join Date: January 11th 2009

Re: This shouldn't bother me, right? - April 4th 2009, 08:03 PM

No, I haven't told anyone. Except for like, one friend and you guys. I honestly don't need to tell anyone.

And you could hardly call it anything. It was more like a lot of struggling on my part, than any major violation... I don't think it's big deal. =/

I just needed to type it out. I feel better now.

Thanks for your replies. I love you guys. <3
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Christinaa317o8 Offline
Christina
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Christinaa317o8's Avatar
 
Name: Christina
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: New York

Posts: 366
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: January 29th 2009

Re: This shouldn't bother me, right? - April 4th 2009, 08:41 PM

I was molested by my cousin and that still bothers me more than ever. It doesn't even matter if he looked at you at a way that made you feel uncomfortable, he did something he wasn't suppossed to. What he did was wrong and illegal, its sexual assault.

You're entitled to feel however you feel and this is something you can't control. You couldn't stop him from doing what he did five years ago and you should know its not your fault that he did this. I have the same problems as you do, and its really hard to deal with alone. If you don't think its a big deal, then that is perfectly fine as long as you aren't repressing your feelings. If you do that they may come back later in life much worse.
  Send a message via AIM to Christinaa317o8  
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Ignorance is bliss..
Average Joe
***
 
kaytastrophie_xo's Avatar
 
Name: A.
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: U.S.

Posts: 181
Blog Entries: 8
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: This shouldn't bother me, right? - April 7th 2009, 01:20 AM

Hey Nicola,
I know you said you feel better, but I still feel I need to say this.

What that man did was terrible and wrong; it can cause a lot of emotional damage. When someone is sexually assulted, that is a very traumatising thing. It doesn't matter if it happens once or twelve times, it is still equally difficult to cope with, and everyone copes differently. Time isn't always the cure, it takes more than that.

It isn't stupid, you have every right to feel as you do and it's healthy for you to express these feelings. If it continues to bother you in the future I think you should talk to somebody about it. It doesn't have to be a professional, just a close friend or a school counselor if you're up to it. It can help you to heal and fully move on by talking about these things and how they are making you feel.

If this ever starts to bother you again don't be afraid to make another thread or PM me (:


Originally joined: June 2008


" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
bother

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.